AFFAIR OF THE HEART
MEL
A couple of days had passed since Mel's drunken fight and, after talking it over with Taylor--sober--came to the conclusion that she had, in fact, made an ass of herself. On multiple levels. When she had come in the office that morning, Nikki and Katie looked nervous. After meeting with them and assuring them that Taylor was in no way upset with either of them and neither of their jobs were in danger, they seemed to relax a little bit and the three of them had a laugh recounting that night's events.
Later in the day, as the rain drearily fell outside the window, Mel was in her office, neck-deep in botched merch orders, when Jeanette knocked on her door and poked her head in. "Mel, you have a call on line one."
Mel looked up from her computer, the apparent stress on her face taking Jeanette by surprise. "Uh, do you want me to take a message? And is there anything I can do to help you with this...mess...?"
"No," Mel sighed. "I think I'm finally seeing the end of it. I'll take the call in here, thanks."
As Jeanette left her office, Mel picked up the phone, not in the least in the mood to speak to anyone. "3CG, this is Melody."
"Hello, Melody Banks?"
"Speaking." Mel shook her head into the phone, annoyed. Had she not just said that?
"Ms. Banks, hello. I tried to reach you on your cell phone but was unable to get through. I'm calling you on behalf of Jason Kamealoha, you're listed on his emergency contact list--"
Mel's heart instantly pounded and the room began to spin. "Emergency contact list? What are you talking about, who is this?"
"Oh, I am so sorry, forgive me. This is Judith Miller at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago. I was calling to inform you that your...friend...was admitted this morning for heart--"
Mel cut her off. She didn't want to hear any more. "Is he okay?"
"He's stable. I wanted to let you know--"
Mel was frantic. "Give me, like, five hours."
"Miss Banks--"
Mel hung up on the lady. She'd gotten the name of the hospital, that was all she cared about at the moment. The more she talked, the more time she wasted NOT getting to Jason. Scribbling down the information on a small sheet of paper, she shoved it in her jeans pocket and dashed to the back of the studio and swung the studio door open. The guys were dead in the middle of recording, but she didn't care. She didn't have time to care. The more time she spent in the studio, and not on the way to the airport, the more frantic she became.
Taylor took one look at her and stopped dead, taking off his headphones and darting from the booth. "What's going on?"
Mel didn't even want to say it out loud. "I gotta go. I gotta get on a plane, I gotta go to Chicago. I gotta go right now."
He rested his hands, comfortingly, on her shoulders. "Calm down. What's going on?"
"It's Jason," she said, panicked, trying to keep her voice from cracking. "They called me, he's in the hospital. I think he had a heart attack or something, I don't really know..."
"Did they not tell you?"
"I think. I don't know. I was just trying to get off the phone so I could leave. I gotta go, right now."
"Well did they say they needed you to be there?"
"I don't know, they called me from his emergency contact list, I just gotta go!" The frustration was building inside her. His incessant talking kept her from getting to the airport. She just had to get there... "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap. I just wanted to let you know I'll be gone for a day or so."
"When are you going?"
"Now. Right now. I'm going straight to the airport right now."
Tay scoffed in disbelief. "Well--I mean, have you even booked a flight?"
"They gotta have something. I'll find something. But I gotta go."
"Do you want me to go with you?"
Mel shook her head. "No time. You have stuff to do here and I just--I gotta go. He's my best friend and he needs me. I have to be there."
Tay searched her eyes and then he nodded. "Okay. Be careful. Call me when you get to the airport, when you land, everything. I'm concerned for him, as well, but you're my number one priority. I need to know you're okay. I don't like you traveling when you're like this."
Mel nodded and he placed a kiss gently on her lips. "I love you," he whispered.
Trying to blink back the tears, her voice cracking. "I love you more."
__________________________
The flight was horrible. And long. If you included the layover, it wasn't quite five hours, but it was still too long. Mel sobbed a good portion of her flight to Chicago and she knew it wasn't just for Jason. She sobbed for herself, as well. For the current strain in her relationship that neither she nor Tay would admit was there. From the stress of the wedding. The stress from that first counseling session. Stress from the upcoming tour. Everything. Jason was just the straw that broke the camel's back.
By the time she landed in Chicago, she was all cried out. Now she was simply determined to get to the hospital where Jason was. As frantic as she still felt about whatever his medical condition may have been, she felt an instant kind of calm just knowing he was nearby. She always had.
The choice not to bring luggage was the best decision she ever made. She wished you could always travel this way. It saved so much time, not having to check bags or deal with luggage claims or anything else that could happen to hold you up from your destination. Tay had asked her if she planned on going home and packing and he was shocked when she had said no. She was going to the hospital. It wasn't like she was dressing for dinner or keeping up appearances.
Upon arriving at the complex, Mel wasn't entirely sure what to tell the cab driver. All she knew was it was something about his heart. Now she cursed herself for not letting the woman finish any of her sentences on the phone earlier that day. As darkness fell, the cab driver drove her into the heart center parking lot. "I think this is it, ma'am," he said.
"I think so, too," she said, looking out the window.
Paying the driver and walking in the hospital doors, she was instantly nervous. She wasn't sure why. Had she over-reacted? She hadn't even talked to Jason yet. Actually, it had never occurred to her to call his room. She was immediately mortified with herself for acting purely on emotion and not logic. She really had to work on that.
There was an information booth halfway down the long hallway she walked down. "Excuse me. I'm really not sure where to go from here, but I'm visiting a friend and I don't even know if I'm in the right place."
"Is your friend in the heart center?" the receptionist asked.
"Uh, yes, I think so."
"What's your friend's name?"
"Jason. Uh, Kamealoha. Jason Kamealoha."
The receptionist smiled a mischievous smile at Mel. "Should have known his first visitor would be a pretty lady."
Mel was puzzled. "First visitor?" Then she got back to business. "Um...so he's okay, then?"
"Here's his room number and your visitor's pass. They'll be able to tell you more upstairs." Then the receptionist smiled again. "And keep that man straight. There are stories flying all over this center about him."
"I could only imagine," Mel tried to joke back.
Five floors up, Mel stepped off the elevator and onto Jason's floor. Her palms were clammy as she searched for someone who could point her in the right direction. Spying yet another reception desk, she decided to start there. "Hi, I'm here for Jason Kamealoha."
The woman behind the counter checked her watch. "You must be Melody Banks."
"Um, yes...ma'am, I am..."
"I'm Judith Miller. We spoke on the phone."
Mel was instantly horrified. "Oh, Ms. Miller, I am so sorry for the way I treated you on the phone. I was so panicked and all I could think about was getting here and--"
Judith smiled warmly. "It's not a problem. You'd be surprised at how often it happens. Would you like to see him?"
As Judith stepped from behind the counter, Mel felt her blood drain from her face. The truth was, she didn't know what to expect. The idea of walking into a hospital room and seeing Jason as a patient scared her to death. "I need to know what I'm walking into first," Mel said suddenly.
"Well I assure you, Mr. Kamealoha is perfectly fine. He was admitted early this morning for a mild heart attack--"
"Oh my god..."
"VERY mild," Judith confirmed. "It wasn't serious and everything is under control. We are keeping him overnight for observation but he'll be free to go home tomorrow."
"Is there any surgery involved or anything..."
"Nope. He had tests all morning this morning and everything looks good. The doctor thinks he's just overworked and overstressed and his heart decided it needed a break."
"Funny how a damn heart seems to have a mind of its own," Mel muttered.
She followed Judith to a door right down the hall and Judith knocked lightly. "Jason? You have a visitor. Are you up for company?"
"As up as I'm gonna get, I guess," Mel heard Jason say from inside the room. He sure sounded okay, that made her feel a little better.
Judith then stood out of the way and allowed Mel to enter the room, closing the door behind them. Jason was sitting up in the bed, the hospital gown barely covering his torso, the blanket around his waist. His face lit up when he saw her and tears immediately welled up in her eyes and she covered her mouth at the sight of him. Normally, when you visited someone in the hospital, you were seeing them at their absolute worst. Jason was still so gorgeous. His short hair was pushed back from his face, only slightly disheveled, his face only sporting a slight five o'clock shadow. His Hawaiian skin glowed and his green eyes glittered, just as they always had.
"Hey, gorgeous! This is an unexpected surprise! I can't believe you're here."
"Of course I'm here," she barely managed to get out, quickly wiping away a tear that had rushed down her cheek.
"Well don't cry, I'm perfectly fine," he said warmly.
"I never thought I'd see you this way," she responded, her voice cracking.
He grinned and raised his eyebrows. "You should have seen me this morning."
That was when Mel lost it. The visuals of him laying in the bed, hooked up to various machines with needles in his arms and whatever else they did to him was almost more than she could bear. Her relief that he was okay overwhelmed her.
"Please don't cry," he said to her regretfully. "You know I can't take it when you cry. Come over here."
"I'm sorry," she said, staying where she was. "I tried not to. I just--I was so scared. I didn't know and now here you are and--Jason, I was so scared..."
"Stop crying and come sit by me." He moved his leg and patted the bed next to him. "I'd offer you a chair if there was one in here and I'd really rather not call the nurse again." Then he lowered his voice to a loud whisper. "I think one of them has a crush on me."
Mel's tears began to dry up as she wiped her face and accepted his invitation. "Just one of them?"
"Well she's kinda scary," he muttered to her. "Big Bertha-type, you know."
"I think you could handle that much woman."
"I think she could handle ME and that's what I find terrifying."
Mel laughed lightly and turned her body to look at him as she sat on the edge of his bed. "So what happened?"
He sighed and his face turned serious. "I was working this morning. On set. Filming a foot chase. I'm sprinting at full speed down the sidewalk in downtown Chicago and then next thing I know I'm on my knees. And then they bring me here."
Mel reached over and slid her hand into his. "I'm sorry."
"Not as sorry as I am. I'm exhausted. I've been poked, prodded, pushed, pulled, stuck, shoved in and out of machinery--just one goddamn thing after another. I mean, fuck, it wasn't even that bad. Just send me home. I can't even doze off without somebody interrupting me to adjust a machine or some shit. I have all this shit stuck all over me everywhere--"
"Do you want me to go so you can rest?"
"No," he said, squeezing her hand. "Your being here is the most comfort I've had all day." Then he leaned his head back on his pillow, exasperated. "I'm not this guy, Mel. This isn't me. You know that."
"You're human, Jason. Your heart beats just like mine. Sometimes you just gotta take it easy."
"I don't have time to take it easy. I have shit to do. This is ridiculous. I'm physically fit, I eat right, I don't smoke--I am NOT a candidate for a heart attack. So what the fuck happened?"
Mel shook her head in sorrow. "I don't know."
"I didn't want you to see me like this."
"The feeling's mutual. Does your mother know?"
"No."
"Why the hell wouldn't you tell your mother?"
Suddenly, Jason was annoyed. "Because it's not that fucking big of a deal."
"Do you want me to call her?"
"You don't even know her."
"I don't care."
"No, I don't want you to call her. I don't want her seeing me this way, and I didn't want YOU seeing me this way. Why are you even here, how the hell did you find out, anyway?"
"Because you put me on your goddamn emergency contact list and they called me. And I literally left the office and flew straight here. And, honestly, I don't give two shits about your vanity or your hurt pride, I'd have been here anyway. I'm not letting you go through this alone. So shut the fuck up and let me be here for you."
His face softened along with his voice. "It means a lot to me that you're here."
Mel leaned over to hug him. She didn't know if it was her short stature versus his taller one or maybe she wasn't sitting close enough to him on the bed or what--but there had to be SOME kind of excuse for why, when she went to hug him, her body seemed to halt and her lips met his.
Mel froze. She felt Jason's body tense up underneath her. But neither one of them moved. Slowly and softly, Jason's lips kissed hers back. Before she could help herself, her tongue tenderly parted his lips and his hand reached up and gently held the back of her head in place.
After a moment, she realized what was happening and she abruptly broke the kiss and stared into Jason's eyes, her own wide with fear. "Are you trying to give me another heart attack?" his rich, smooth voice whispered to her. "Because it's working."
The heart monitor next to him began to beep louder and Mel darted off the bed as a nurse whisked her way into the room and by Jason's side. "I'm fine," he said, smiling at the nurse. "Everything's fine."
"I figured as much," the nurse responded. "But you know I still have to do my job."
He winked at Mel as the nurse checked his vitals and Mel looked on in worry. Except this time it wasn't worry over Jason. It was worry over what had just happened. She'd done it. She'd done the one thing she swore she could never do--she'd just cheated on Taylor. Her fiancée. She kissed another man. Another man that she was too afraid to lose. What did she do now? Her gut told her to tell Tay, but then she stopped. How necessary was it that he know? She was still going to marry him. And sure, they'd been having some issues lately, but every couple went through that. And it was getting closer to the wedding and they'd been talking to that pastor...that damn pastor. That man had a way of making Mel regret the day she ever suggested a religious wedding. She felt he was doing more hurt than good. All she wanted to do was marry the love of her life, not be interrogated.
But maybe--maybe she needed this. Maybe she NEEDED to kiss Jason. Maybe she needed to know that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, marrying Taylor was the right thing to do. And it was. She knew it was. It always had been. Maybe she just had to KNOW--and now she did.
"Sit down," Jason said, gently, once the nurse left the room.
What could Mel do? Be her normal drama queen self and flee the room and get on the next plane back to Tulsa? That's what she WANTED to do. But instead, she did as Jason said and she returned to her previous seated position.
They were both quiet. They both stared into each other's eyes. "I'm impressed you didn't run," he said quietly.
"So am I," she whispered.
"Mel, I love you."
Her mouth ran dry. She always knew. But to hear him say it... "I love him."
"I know." He took her by the hand once more. "I know. But in the far off future, in the event that this happens to me again, and I don't make it, I just--I didn't want to have gone through life without telling you."
"It's not gonna happen again."
He smiled weakly. His exhaustion was beginning to show. "I would die happy just knowing that I got the opportunity to tell you."
Tears welled up in her eyes once more and she fought harder than ever to keep them at bay. "It's not gonna happen again."
He nodded, still smiling. "Okay."
"Because I'll kill you first."
Jason laughed. "I would expect THAT."
Mel wasn't sure if a better or worse time could have been picked for one of the nurses to walk in to let her know that visiting hours were ending soon. Jason looked up at the nurse. "I want her to stay."
The nurse shook her head, regretfully. "I'm sorry. Those are the rules."
"No. If I say she can stay, she can stay. I want her to stay."
Mel looked at Jason and smiled. "It's okay. I won't go far."
"Where are you staying?"
Mel shrugged. "I haven't really gotten that far yet. I just came here."
"They have my stuff," he said, looking around. "Tell them to give you my hotel room key. You can stay there. I gotta go back there tomorrow anyway, when they let me out of here."
"I don't think that's necessary--"
"No. I mean it. It'll save you the trouble of getting your own. Hell, it's already paid for and nobody's gonna be in it tonight. Just stay in my room."
Several minutes later, Mel sat in the waiting room after virtually being kicked out of Jason's room. She didn't really know where to go from there. She sat in one of the uncomfortable waiting room chairs as she held her cell phone in her hand. She was scared to death. She had no idea what to say to Taylor. He would never marry her after this. With one kiss, she had more or less ended her relationship. And she hadn't even meant for it to happen. She was disgusted with herself. She made herself sick. She had rushed off to be at the side of another man and then she had kissed him. Were things really this bad at home? Was this what Tay was afraid of?
It was. This was exactly what he was afraid of. She was a horrible person. First Natalie breaks his heart and now Mel. Mel wasn't supposed to break his heart. Mel was supposed to be the one person he could trust. The one constant in his life and she couldn't even be that for him. He would never believe her when she said that she hadn't meant to kiss Jason and that it essentially didn't change anything. That was the truth. But he'd never believe it. He'd never understand that she had been emotional and caught up in the moment and that the kiss essentially stemmed from her fear of losing a person she cared about. And even if he chose to stay with her, he would make her life hell and she knew it. He would question her constantly, he would control her every move and he would threaten her with every move she made that might threaten his security. And she would let him because she would feel like she owed him and it would be like they were seventeen and eighteen years old all over again. But she couldn't be without him.
However, if she didn't tell him, he would never know. But she would know and it would eat away at her conscience and she would be miserable keeping it in. Was keeping a sane mind worth risking her entire relationship with the man she loved?
--------------------------------------------------------
TAYLOR
"I know we don't have another session for a couple of days," Taylor said to Pastor Derek Bradley over the phone. "But I was wondering if I might meet with you myself. Today."
"Um, yeah, I have an opening," he responded. "What's going on?"
"I just--I need to talk."
"Okay, then. Meet me in two hours?"
Two hours later, down to the second, Taylor sat across from Pastor Bradley in his office. "Look, I'm sorry for the short notice, but I just--these past few days have been hell."
"Since our counseling session?"
"Yes."
"How so?"
"Mel. She's angry, she's confused. Laying a lot of blame on herself. She went out and beat the hell out of a girl in a bar. And now she's run off to Chicago because her best friend landed in the hospital."
"The man?"
"Yes."
"Well, you have had quite a week, then."
"But I'm not innocent either--"
"What did the two of you do after you left here the other day?"
Tay covered his mouth, nervously, knowing what his answer was. And he was honest. "I, uh, I worked."
"All night?"
"All night."
"Did you go to bed together?"
"Like, at the same time?"
"Yes."
"No. But then I woke up in the middle of the night and she was laying there, texting him. Pastor Bradley, I've tried. I've tried SO HARD to be understanding of her friendship with him and I feel like I don't have the right to--to tell her I don't like it. I mean, I've told her on many occasions how I feel about it, but--I just can't--"
"You want him out of the picture."
"I wish he never existed. But he came before me. He was there before Mel and I ever talked about getting back together. He was there for her when I couldn't get my shit straight with Natalie, when I crushed Mel with the vow renewal, everything. He was there for her. What am I supposed to do with that? And then she runs off to Chicago yesterday with no luggage, no anything, because he ends up in the hospital with a heart condition."
"Have you spoken to Mel since she left?"
"Yes, several times."
"Describe her relationship with him. From your point of view."
Tay's foot tapped as a reflex. He hated talking about this shit, but this was what he came here for. "I hated him the first moment I laid eyes on him--"
"Hate is a strong word."
"I hated him. I didn't trust him. Walking around like he owned the place, like he owned her--it made me sick."
"Where did you meet him?"
Tay sighed and closed his eyes, shaking his head. "In a club. In New York. My brothers and I were all there with our wives and Mel and her girlfriend at the time both brought dates along--"
"So this was a group date. With your wife."
"Yes."
"And you had feelings for Mel then?"
"Of course I did. I've never NOT had feelings for her. I don't know any other feelings to have. But I was married and Mel and I were trying to be just friends because I was relatively happy in my marriage at the time. I wanted to start fresh with her. With both her and Natalie. I wanted to make amends. But then she walked in the door with him and it was like, it all went out the window. I felt--territorial. It was just crazy."
"What didn't you like about him?"
"I hated how she looked at him. How he looked at her. I hated FEELING their chemistry. I was sick with it. I hated how she smiled at him, how she sat close to him--I hated that, for the first time in years, the first time I ever saw HER was when she walked in the door with HIM. And I can't compete with that."
"Taylor, sometimes in life, people just connect. Whether they're male or female or whatever, people just connect. In many different ways. It can be emotional, spiritual, platonic, romantic--people can connect in many kinds of ways. And in most cases, the people on the outside looking in can't see the difference."
"People shouldn't connect the way they do. Not like that. Not like--not like I should connect with her."
"But you connect with her, obviously."
"Well, yeah."
"But it's a different connection."
"So why does it scare the shit out of me?"
"Because you're only seeing what you want to see and are not yet ready accept what the reality of it is."
"So what am I seeing? A man that cares about her and loves her and makes love to her all over the world and tells her how beautiful she is--"
"Wait, is she having a sexual relationship with this man?"
"She did. Way back, before I divorced Natalie."
"Well no wonder you're scared."
"We weren't together then, though. And I was still married. She could do whatever she wanted. But damn if the guy isn't respectful. He voluntarily stepped out of the way when she and I got back together. And he hasn't pursued her since. I can't help but respect the hell out of him, that's the kicker."
"But you're afraid there's a chance she might still choose him. Was choosing ever an option for her?"
"I don't think she realized there was. I mean, I'm damn lucky, I gotta admit. The truth is, she never hesitated to make it clear which one of us she intended to be with, and it was me."
"No doubt in your mind."
"None, whatsoever."
"What if she did, though? What if she chose him?"
"What do you mean?"
"Hypothetically, and I'm JUST being hypothetical, what if she went to Chicago last night--and what if it got her to thinking? What if, right now in this very moment, she decided that she DID have a decision to make? What would you do then?"
Tay's eyes widened and his heart pounded against his chest. His palms grew sweaty and he began to find it hard to breathe. That thought had never once crossed his mind. "Um, right now? Like, RIGHT this very second?"
"Yes."
"I couldn't say I'd blame her."
Derek raised his eyebrows in surprise. "That's it? Just like that? You'd be willing to let her go, just like that?"
"Nobody said anything about letting her go," Tay spat. "But if, right now in this second, anything happened, I couldn't say I'd blame her. She's a wreck right now. An emotional wreck, with multiple stressors and I'll be honest, that last counseling session seemed to make things worse. It's like, you brought out all these issues last time, and gave us NO way to deal with the aftermath. So we're both kinda running around emotionally blind with all these feelings and thoughts and nowhere to put them. I feel like we should both be in the nuthouse right now. Derek, I know her. I know her inside and out better than I do myself and I can guarantee to you that if anything, anything at all, happens in Chicago, she's still going to come home to me and she'll still marry me and she will still love me, because I know what goes through her mind when she gets overwhelmed like this. She doesn't think and she doesn't feel, she just DOES. We're a lot alike that way. I have to pick and choose my battles."
"That's a pretty big battle, Taylor. So you're telling me that whenever things get rough for her, she can just go and sleep with this other guy and it's automatically okay because she knows not what she does? I'm afraid it just doesn't work that way."
"Well maybe not for you. But I know Mel and I know our relationship and I know how we operate. If right now, at this very moment, something happened with her and Jason in Chicago, I'd have to give her this one. I just would. I'd have to forgive her. Because I love her and I need her and I've caused her a lot of pain over the years and she has never once strayed on me. Not once. So if her brain gets a little jumbled in the heat of the moment, then so be it. ONE TIME."
Derek sighed and sat back in his chair and looked back across the desk at Tay as he twirled a pen between his fingers in thought. "You came here because you're afraid she won't come back."
Tay was taken aback. "What?"
"Deep down, that's why you called me here today. You need me to talk you off the ledge. Because somewhere, deep down in all this mess, you have managed to convince YOURSELF that this Jason guy is a better man than you are and you think that she will be happier with him. And you love her and you want her happy. How far am I off the mark?"
Tay rubbed the back of his neck and swallowed the lump in his throat before he cleared it. "I shouldn't still feel like that."
Derek's voice softened. "Taylor, don't you suppose that, with as strong a connection as you claim they have, if she truly wanted to be with him, she would have chosen him? Before you and Natalie ever even got divorced? Wouldn't she have already chosen him? Would she have fought so hard for you and would she certainly be here, seeing me? She's not religious, we both know it. As soon as you told me about your situation, I knew right there in that moment that she doesn't want a religious ceremony for her--she wants it for YOU. So just some food for thought--why would a person fight SO hard for someone, and then turn around and want someone else? It doesn't make sense, does it?"
"I have to get my head out of my ass, don't I?"
"If I may be completely and totally honest, here--you have issues. You have trust issues. I'm not sure where they stem from. I can almost guarantee that it has nothing to do with this best friend. I think you have trust issues that stemmed, maybe from your past relationship with her, maybe through your years with Natalie, I'm not sure. But I truly believe that the source of your internal struggles are NOT Jason, but something that came before him. And if I may be even more honest, I have to say, that based on what I've seen and what I know, if you don't find a way to deal with these issues then, god forbid this relationship would break up, it wouldn't be her that does it."
Tay could only gape across the desk at Derek. "What?"
"Right now there are three people in your relationship. Mel, you, and your internal struggles that seem to be taking precedence. You need to figure out how to knock that down to two. Just you and her."
"So--you're saying this is all me..."
"I'm not saying she doesn't have her own issues. Believe me, I almost guarantee that she does. But yours are the ones, I think, would be the most detrimental to your relationship."
"I'm going to kill my relationship."
"Not if you get a handle on it."
"So tell me what to do. How do I get a handle on it?"
"Accept her. Learn to accept her. For everything that she is, everything that she does, and everyone that she cares about. Just accept her."
---------------------------------------------------------
MEL
The next morning, Jason's hospital room bustled with people. Nurses, the doctor, his director, the movie producer, his agent, his manager--in and out all morning, talking asking questions, discussing work. Mel found herself standing back in the corner, watching all the hustle and bustle take place. She finally did decide to stay in Jason's room the previous night, but she didn't sleep a wink. She made sure to sleep in the bed she assumed he hadn't been using. Looking around at his luggage and his things all over the room--it was odd and she wished she'd gotten her own room. That would have been the smarter thing to do.
All night long she thought about that kiss. She felt it. She felt it right down to her bones. She knew that there would never be a moment in her entire life that she wouldn't be attracted to him or that his touch wouldn't send shivers down her spine. She hadn't kissed him in nearly two years, since before Taylor and Natalie divorced--and now two years later, his kiss still felt the same to her. She still felt the fire.
Jason was as dangerous now as he ever had been. Mel was vulnerable and emotional and Jason was dangerous. The only thing that had the potential to completely ruin hers and Tay's relationship was him. She'd spent so long in denial of that fact that now she was forced to deal with it head-on. Jason was harmful to her relationship because, even after all this time, she still couldn't trust herself around him. Because she knew that, deep down, they belonged together. But Tay was her life-long love, the man she was born to be with, born to marry. She couldn't allow anything--or anyone--to ruin that or stand in her way.
Discharging Jason from the hospital was like a three-ring circus. With all the chaos going on around him, Mel was surprised that he didn't just code right there in the bed. As she looked on, she was disgusted. These people, these producers and the director and his agent--all they talked about was work. Nobody ever once looked him in the eye and asked him how he was feeling. They were more concerned about when their star would be able to work again. It made Mel sick.
Finally, unable to take it any longer, Mel had her say after over half an hour of silence. "Get out!"
The entire room fell silent and everyone looked back at her.
"I'm serious. Get out. You people make me sick and you can hate me all you want to, but I've watched this go on long enough. He is trying to get out of here and none of you are helping. Have any one of you even expressed concern about his well-being? No. If it were me, I'd sure as hell like it if MY bosses were concerned about my health and treated me like a human being. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Everyone GET OUT and let him get out of the bed. He will be back to work when the doctor damn well says he'll be back. GET OUT!"
Looks of hatred and eyes of daggers shot at her as the men left the room. A couple of them were red-faced with fury, but she didn't care. She looked at Jason and immediately felt guilty. "I'm sorry," she said.
He smiled at her and straightened up in the bed. "I'm so glad you're here."
She walked over and began to unpack the overnight bag she'd brought along from his hotel room. "So how ARE you feeling?"
"Ready to get the hell out of here."
"Ready to sprint down the streets of Chicago again?" she smiled.
"One step at a time. Let's just get me out of here."
Jason had just signed his discharge papers before she ordered the crew out of the room. Now he lifted the covers off of himself and slowly stepped out of the bed. "Take it easy," Mel said.
He turned his head and smiled at her. "It's okay, I got this. I've just been a little lazy, I'm not paralyzed."
Her face fell and she felt like an idiot as she brought him the change of clothes she had packed for him and collected the clothes from the day before that the nurses had brought back in the hospital-issued sack. Mel hated those sacks. They were so impersonal and uncaring.
"Hey," he said softly, catching her arm. "Thank you for caring, though. I really appreciate it. I'd probably be going insane right now if you weren't here. They'd be discharging me directly into the psych ward."
Mel smiled at his joke as he took his clothes and headed into the bathroom. As she collected his things and repacked the bag, the knot that sat in her stomach wound tighter and tighter around itself. She almost didn't want to take him back to his hotel room. She dreaded saying to him what she needed to say and she sure wasn't going to do it right here in the hospital.
An hour later, Jason sat on the side of his bed in his room as he kicked his shoes off and looked around the room. "So, was it you or housekeeping?"
"Uh, me," she said, collecting his used clothing and depositing them into the hotel bag intended for laundry.
"Well, you didn't have to..."
"I wanted to, it's okay. You need help and I can't be here long, so..."
"Mel, it's not like they cut me open..."
"So, what, I can't help you now?"
Jason sighed. "I just, like, wanna go to the gym right now. Or eat a greasy cheeseburger. Or something. I wanna feel normal."
"The doctor said give it a few days, you'll be fine. You don't need to overwork yourself like that again."
"I bet they drop me from this film."
"They're not gonna drop you, you're too far in."
"You pissed off a lot of people today."
Mel gaped at him, accusingly. "Was I wrong?"
He sighed again and stood up. "Look. I'm gonna go in there and take a shower, because I desperately need one, and then you and I are gonna sit here and talk."
"I have a flight to catch--"
"Not until later tonight. We're going to talk."
Twenty minutes later, Mel could smell the fresh soap that came off of Jason as he sat on the edge of the bed across from her. They looked at each other for a moment before he said, quietly, "You know we gotta talk about what happened last night."
"Is it necessary?"
"I think so, yes."
Mel sighed and she looked around the room. And then something dawned on her. "Hey. Why hasn't Maria been around?"
He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and shook his head. "It, uh, it didn't work out..."
She eyed him suspiciously. "What do you mean, it didn't work out? Just a couple days ago you said you were going out again."
"Yeah, well...at the time we were..."
"When did things 'not work out?'"
Jason looked at her.
"When?" she prompted. Then her heart sank. "Jason. Was it after we texted the other morning?"
He looked at her guiltily.
Mel sighed. This was her cue. "Jason. We can't keep doing this. You're my best friend. Ever. You have surpassed any friendship I have ever had on so many levels I never even knew existed. But we both know how we feel about each other--"
"Do we?"
She looked up at him. "Yes. And--I'm going to marry Tay. I want to marry him. I love him. And you and I--Jason, I can't keep letting you destroy potential relationships on account of me and I--I don't want to ruin a marriage I'm not even in yet."
He looked back at her, the realization all over his face. "You love me."
"You're my best friend. You mean the world to me. I care about you. I always will. But I want this marriage. It's all I've ever wanted. And last night, I kissed you and--I have to tell him."
"You're going to risk it all."
"I can't have it on my conscience."
"You know that if your relationship fails on account of that, you and I can't be together. I meant what I said from the very beginning. You can't come running to me if things don't work out. Because if I can't have all of your heart, I can't have any of you. And you'll still love him and I can't handle that."
"I know."
Jason glanced down at his hands and then back up at her. "This, uh, this conversation we're having right now--you're leaving me, aren't you?"
"I--I don't--I don't want to."
"But it would be best for your relationship if I weren't in the picture. You know, it's kinda crazy. For the past several years I've let you go. And now here you are, letting me go. I gotta be honest, I never thought I'd see the day."
"Neither did I."
"Mel, I care about you. You mean everything to me and more, you know that. And as much as I want to get on my knees and beg you to stay right now--I just want you happy. And if you feel like removing me from the picture will help save your relationship with Taylor then--well, I don't want to stand in your way. But I gotta tell you, I'm gonna miss the hell out of you. These past few years have been the best years of my life. I wouldn't change a thing about them."
Tears welled up in her eyes and she fought to wipe them away before they fell. "I don't want to lose you, Jason. But I don't know what else to do. I just--I can't risk my marriage and I stayed up all night last night thinking--and thinking and thinking and thinking--and feeling, and--I never thought I had a choice to make. And I shouldn't have to. And I've spent all this time trying to deny the fact that I needed to choose but after we kissed last night, it became apparent that maybe my feelings for you aren't as innocent as I thought they were. And if I have to choose, it's going to be him. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I need you and I need him and it's just--it's too much. I don't want you to hate me or be mad at me, I just hope you understand."
"I'm not mad. Honestly. And I could never hate you. Ever. I understand why you're doing what you're doing and I admire you for it, believe it or not. I know you're doing this out of respect for him. I know. And maybe someday we'll cross paths again and things will be different and we can be friends again like we never lost touch--"
"I don't ever want to not be your friend."
"I know. You know what I mean."
Suddenly she stood and crossed over to his bed and wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. She couldn't stop the tears from flowing. "I don't want to say goodbye to you."
"So don't," he said, his own voice cracking as he held her tightly. "Don't ever say goodbye to me, because I won't say it back. Okay? Let's just give this a little time, let you work on your relationship and sometime down the road we'll see how things are. Don't you dare be a stranger."
"I have to go."
"If you EVER need me, you know how to reach me."
Mel nodded as she broke away from him, wiping her tears with her sleeve. He held her face in his hands and looked up at her, wiping the remaining tears away with his thumbs. "I wish you wouldn't cry."
She attempted to laugh as she pulled away from him. "I'm surprised I have anything left, it's all I seem to do lately."
"You know you don't have to leave," he said softly.
She nodded and bit her lip. "Yeah, I do. Take care of yourself, okay? Don't put yourself back in the hospital. I mean it. And don't take my name off that list either, because I'd be there in a second."
He smiled and nodded at her, clearing his throat. "Yeah. Sure thing."
Mel had a hard time leaving his hotel room. The hallway seemed longer than it actually was and she knew the plane ride would be an eternity. She should have felt better about the situation, but she felt worse than she ever had. If giving up Jason didn't prove to Taylor that she truly loved him, then there was no hope for their relationship.
MEL
A couple of days had passed since Mel's drunken fight and, after talking it over with Taylor--sober--came to the conclusion that she had, in fact, made an ass of herself. On multiple levels. When she had come in the office that morning, Nikki and Katie looked nervous. After meeting with them and assuring them that Taylor was in no way upset with either of them and neither of their jobs were in danger, they seemed to relax a little bit and the three of them had a laugh recounting that night's events.
Later in the day, as the rain drearily fell outside the window, Mel was in her office, neck-deep in botched merch orders, when Jeanette knocked on her door and poked her head in. "Mel, you have a call on line one."
Mel looked up from her computer, the apparent stress on her face taking Jeanette by surprise. "Uh, do you want me to take a message? And is there anything I can do to help you with this...mess...?"
"No," Mel sighed. "I think I'm finally seeing the end of it. I'll take the call in here, thanks."
As Jeanette left her office, Mel picked up the phone, not in the least in the mood to speak to anyone. "3CG, this is Melody."
"Hello, Melody Banks?"
"Speaking." Mel shook her head into the phone, annoyed. Had she not just said that?
"Ms. Banks, hello. I tried to reach you on your cell phone but was unable to get through. I'm calling you on behalf of Jason Kamealoha, you're listed on his emergency contact list--"
Mel's heart instantly pounded and the room began to spin. "Emergency contact list? What are you talking about, who is this?"
"Oh, I am so sorry, forgive me. This is Judith Miller at Northwestern Memorial Hospital in Chicago. I was calling to inform you that your...friend...was admitted this morning for heart--"
Mel cut her off. She didn't want to hear any more. "Is he okay?"
"He's stable. I wanted to let you know--"
Mel was frantic. "Give me, like, five hours."
"Miss Banks--"
Mel hung up on the lady. She'd gotten the name of the hospital, that was all she cared about at the moment. The more she talked, the more time she wasted NOT getting to Jason. Scribbling down the information on a small sheet of paper, she shoved it in her jeans pocket and dashed to the back of the studio and swung the studio door open. The guys were dead in the middle of recording, but she didn't care. She didn't have time to care. The more time she spent in the studio, and not on the way to the airport, the more frantic she became.
Taylor took one look at her and stopped dead, taking off his headphones and darting from the booth. "What's going on?"
Mel didn't even want to say it out loud. "I gotta go. I gotta get on a plane, I gotta go to Chicago. I gotta go right now."
He rested his hands, comfortingly, on her shoulders. "Calm down. What's going on?"
"It's Jason," she said, panicked, trying to keep her voice from cracking. "They called me, he's in the hospital. I think he had a heart attack or something, I don't really know..."
"Did they not tell you?"
"I think. I don't know. I was just trying to get off the phone so I could leave. I gotta go, right now."
"Well did they say they needed you to be there?"
"I don't know, they called me from his emergency contact list, I just gotta go!" The frustration was building inside her. His incessant talking kept her from getting to the airport. She just had to get there... "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap. I just wanted to let you know I'll be gone for a day or so."
"When are you going?"
"Now. Right now. I'm going straight to the airport right now."
Tay scoffed in disbelief. "Well--I mean, have you even booked a flight?"
"They gotta have something. I'll find something. But I gotta go."
"Do you want me to go with you?"
Mel shook her head. "No time. You have stuff to do here and I just--I gotta go. He's my best friend and he needs me. I have to be there."
Tay searched her eyes and then he nodded. "Okay. Be careful. Call me when you get to the airport, when you land, everything. I'm concerned for him, as well, but you're my number one priority. I need to know you're okay. I don't like you traveling when you're like this."
Mel nodded and he placed a kiss gently on her lips. "I love you," he whispered.
Trying to blink back the tears, her voice cracking. "I love you more."
__________________________
The flight was horrible. And long. If you included the layover, it wasn't quite five hours, but it was still too long. Mel sobbed a good portion of her flight to Chicago and she knew it wasn't just for Jason. She sobbed for herself, as well. For the current strain in her relationship that neither she nor Tay would admit was there. From the stress of the wedding. The stress from that first counseling session. Stress from the upcoming tour. Everything. Jason was just the straw that broke the camel's back.
By the time she landed in Chicago, she was all cried out. Now she was simply determined to get to the hospital where Jason was. As frantic as she still felt about whatever his medical condition may have been, she felt an instant kind of calm just knowing he was nearby. She always had.
The choice not to bring luggage was the best decision she ever made. She wished you could always travel this way. It saved so much time, not having to check bags or deal with luggage claims or anything else that could happen to hold you up from your destination. Tay had asked her if she planned on going home and packing and he was shocked when she had said no. She was going to the hospital. It wasn't like she was dressing for dinner or keeping up appearances.
Upon arriving at the complex, Mel wasn't entirely sure what to tell the cab driver. All she knew was it was something about his heart. Now she cursed herself for not letting the woman finish any of her sentences on the phone earlier that day. As darkness fell, the cab driver drove her into the heart center parking lot. "I think this is it, ma'am," he said.
"I think so, too," she said, looking out the window.
Paying the driver and walking in the hospital doors, she was instantly nervous. She wasn't sure why. Had she over-reacted? She hadn't even talked to Jason yet. Actually, it had never occurred to her to call his room. She was immediately mortified with herself for acting purely on emotion and not logic. She really had to work on that.
There was an information booth halfway down the long hallway she walked down. "Excuse me. I'm really not sure where to go from here, but I'm visiting a friend and I don't even know if I'm in the right place."
"Is your friend in the heart center?" the receptionist asked.
"Uh, yes, I think so."
"What's your friend's name?"
"Jason. Uh, Kamealoha. Jason Kamealoha."
The receptionist smiled a mischievous smile at Mel. "Should have known his first visitor would be a pretty lady."
Mel was puzzled. "First visitor?" Then she got back to business. "Um...so he's okay, then?"
"Here's his room number and your visitor's pass. They'll be able to tell you more upstairs." Then the receptionist smiled again. "And keep that man straight. There are stories flying all over this center about him."
"I could only imagine," Mel tried to joke back.
Five floors up, Mel stepped off the elevator and onto Jason's floor. Her palms were clammy as she searched for someone who could point her in the right direction. Spying yet another reception desk, she decided to start there. "Hi, I'm here for Jason Kamealoha."
The woman behind the counter checked her watch. "You must be Melody Banks."
"Um, yes...ma'am, I am..."
"I'm Judith Miller. We spoke on the phone."
Mel was instantly horrified. "Oh, Ms. Miller, I am so sorry for the way I treated you on the phone. I was so panicked and all I could think about was getting here and--"
Judith smiled warmly. "It's not a problem. You'd be surprised at how often it happens. Would you like to see him?"
As Judith stepped from behind the counter, Mel felt her blood drain from her face. The truth was, she didn't know what to expect. The idea of walking into a hospital room and seeing Jason as a patient scared her to death. "I need to know what I'm walking into first," Mel said suddenly.
"Well I assure you, Mr. Kamealoha is perfectly fine. He was admitted early this morning for a mild heart attack--"
"Oh my god..."
"VERY mild," Judith confirmed. "It wasn't serious and everything is under control. We are keeping him overnight for observation but he'll be free to go home tomorrow."
"Is there any surgery involved or anything..."
"Nope. He had tests all morning this morning and everything looks good. The doctor thinks he's just overworked and overstressed and his heart decided it needed a break."
"Funny how a damn heart seems to have a mind of its own," Mel muttered.
She followed Judith to a door right down the hall and Judith knocked lightly. "Jason? You have a visitor. Are you up for company?"
"As up as I'm gonna get, I guess," Mel heard Jason say from inside the room. He sure sounded okay, that made her feel a little better.
Judith then stood out of the way and allowed Mel to enter the room, closing the door behind them. Jason was sitting up in the bed, the hospital gown barely covering his torso, the blanket around his waist. His face lit up when he saw her and tears immediately welled up in her eyes and she covered her mouth at the sight of him. Normally, when you visited someone in the hospital, you were seeing them at their absolute worst. Jason was still so gorgeous. His short hair was pushed back from his face, only slightly disheveled, his face only sporting a slight five o'clock shadow. His Hawaiian skin glowed and his green eyes glittered, just as they always had.
"Hey, gorgeous! This is an unexpected surprise! I can't believe you're here."
"Of course I'm here," she barely managed to get out, quickly wiping away a tear that had rushed down her cheek.
"Well don't cry, I'm perfectly fine," he said warmly.
"I never thought I'd see you this way," she responded, her voice cracking.
He grinned and raised his eyebrows. "You should have seen me this morning."
That was when Mel lost it. The visuals of him laying in the bed, hooked up to various machines with needles in his arms and whatever else they did to him was almost more than she could bear. Her relief that he was okay overwhelmed her.
"Please don't cry," he said to her regretfully. "You know I can't take it when you cry. Come over here."
"I'm sorry," she said, staying where she was. "I tried not to. I just--I was so scared. I didn't know and now here you are and--Jason, I was so scared..."
"Stop crying and come sit by me." He moved his leg and patted the bed next to him. "I'd offer you a chair if there was one in here and I'd really rather not call the nurse again." Then he lowered his voice to a loud whisper. "I think one of them has a crush on me."
Mel's tears began to dry up as she wiped her face and accepted his invitation. "Just one of them?"
"Well she's kinda scary," he muttered to her. "Big Bertha-type, you know."
"I think you could handle that much woman."
"I think she could handle ME and that's what I find terrifying."
Mel laughed lightly and turned her body to look at him as she sat on the edge of his bed. "So what happened?"
He sighed and his face turned serious. "I was working this morning. On set. Filming a foot chase. I'm sprinting at full speed down the sidewalk in downtown Chicago and then next thing I know I'm on my knees. And then they bring me here."
Mel reached over and slid her hand into his. "I'm sorry."
"Not as sorry as I am. I'm exhausted. I've been poked, prodded, pushed, pulled, stuck, shoved in and out of machinery--just one goddamn thing after another. I mean, fuck, it wasn't even that bad. Just send me home. I can't even doze off without somebody interrupting me to adjust a machine or some shit. I have all this shit stuck all over me everywhere--"
"Do you want me to go so you can rest?"
"No," he said, squeezing her hand. "Your being here is the most comfort I've had all day." Then he leaned his head back on his pillow, exasperated. "I'm not this guy, Mel. This isn't me. You know that."
"You're human, Jason. Your heart beats just like mine. Sometimes you just gotta take it easy."
"I don't have time to take it easy. I have shit to do. This is ridiculous. I'm physically fit, I eat right, I don't smoke--I am NOT a candidate for a heart attack. So what the fuck happened?"
Mel shook her head in sorrow. "I don't know."
"I didn't want you to see me like this."
"The feeling's mutual. Does your mother know?"
"No."
"Why the hell wouldn't you tell your mother?"
Suddenly, Jason was annoyed. "Because it's not that fucking big of a deal."
"Do you want me to call her?"
"You don't even know her."
"I don't care."
"No, I don't want you to call her. I don't want her seeing me this way, and I didn't want YOU seeing me this way. Why are you even here, how the hell did you find out, anyway?"
"Because you put me on your goddamn emergency contact list and they called me. And I literally left the office and flew straight here. And, honestly, I don't give two shits about your vanity or your hurt pride, I'd have been here anyway. I'm not letting you go through this alone. So shut the fuck up and let me be here for you."
His face softened along with his voice. "It means a lot to me that you're here."
Mel leaned over to hug him. She didn't know if it was her short stature versus his taller one or maybe she wasn't sitting close enough to him on the bed or what--but there had to be SOME kind of excuse for why, when she went to hug him, her body seemed to halt and her lips met his.
Mel froze. She felt Jason's body tense up underneath her. But neither one of them moved. Slowly and softly, Jason's lips kissed hers back. Before she could help herself, her tongue tenderly parted his lips and his hand reached up and gently held the back of her head in place.
After a moment, she realized what was happening and she abruptly broke the kiss and stared into Jason's eyes, her own wide with fear. "Are you trying to give me another heart attack?" his rich, smooth voice whispered to her. "Because it's working."
The heart monitor next to him began to beep louder and Mel darted off the bed as a nurse whisked her way into the room and by Jason's side. "I'm fine," he said, smiling at the nurse. "Everything's fine."
"I figured as much," the nurse responded. "But you know I still have to do my job."
He winked at Mel as the nurse checked his vitals and Mel looked on in worry. Except this time it wasn't worry over Jason. It was worry over what had just happened. She'd done it. She'd done the one thing she swore she could never do--she'd just cheated on Taylor. Her fiancée. She kissed another man. Another man that she was too afraid to lose. What did she do now? Her gut told her to tell Tay, but then she stopped. How necessary was it that he know? She was still going to marry him. And sure, they'd been having some issues lately, but every couple went through that. And it was getting closer to the wedding and they'd been talking to that pastor...that damn pastor. That man had a way of making Mel regret the day she ever suggested a religious wedding. She felt he was doing more hurt than good. All she wanted to do was marry the love of her life, not be interrogated.
But maybe--maybe she needed this. Maybe she NEEDED to kiss Jason. Maybe she needed to know that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, marrying Taylor was the right thing to do. And it was. She knew it was. It always had been. Maybe she just had to KNOW--and now she did.
"Sit down," Jason said, gently, once the nurse left the room.
What could Mel do? Be her normal drama queen self and flee the room and get on the next plane back to Tulsa? That's what she WANTED to do. But instead, she did as Jason said and she returned to her previous seated position.
They were both quiet. They both stared into each other's eyes. "I'm impressed you didn't run," he said quietly.
"So am I," she whispered.
"Mel, I love you."
Her mouth ran dry. She always knew. But to hear him say it... "I love him."
"I know." He took her by the hand once more. "I know. But in the far off future, in the event that this happens to me again, and I don't make it, I just--I didn't want to have gone through life without telling you."
"It's not gonna happen again."
He smiled weakly. His exhaustion was beginning to show. "I would die happy just knowing that I got the opportunity to tell you."
Tears welled up in her eyes once more and she fought harder than ever to keep them at bay. "It's not gonna happen again."
He nodded, still smiling. "Okay."
"Because I'll kill you first."
Jason laughed. "I would expect THAT."
Mel wasn't sure if a better or worse time could have been picked for one of the nurses to walk in to let her know that visiting hours were ending soon. Jason looked up at the nurse. "I want her to stay."
The nurse shook her head, regretfully. "I'm sorry. Those are the rules."
"No. If I say she can stay, she can stay. I want her to stay."
Mel looked at Jason and smiled. "It's okay. I won't go far."
"Where are you staying?"
Mel shrugged. "I haven't really gotten that far yet. I just came here."
"They have my stuff," he said, looking around. "Tell them to give you my hotel room key. You can stay there. I gotta go back there tomorrow anyway, when they let me out of here."
"I don't think that's necessary--"
"No. I mean it. It'll save you the trouble of getting your own. Hell, it's already paid for and nobody's gonna be in it tonight. Just stay in my room."
Several minutes later, Mel sat in the waiting room after virtually being kicked out of Jason's room. She didn't really know where to go from there. She sat in one of the uncomfortable waiting room chairs as she held her cell phone in her hand. She was scared to death. She had no idea what to say to Taylor. He would never marry her after this. With one kiss, she had more or less ended her relationship. And she hadn't even meant for it to happen. She was disgusted with herself. She made herself sick. She had rushed off to be at the side of another man and then she had kissed him. Were things really this bad at home? Was this what Tay was afraid of?
It was. This was exactly what he was afraid of. She was a horrible person. First Natalie breaks his heart and now Mel. Mel wasn't supposed to break his heart. Mel was supposed to be the one person he could trust. The one constant in his life and she couldn't even be that for him. He would never believe her when she said that she hadn't meant to kiss Jason and that it essentially didn't change anything. That was the truth. But he'd never believe it. He'd never understand that she had been emotional and caught up in the moment and that the kiss essentially stemmed from her fear of losing a person she cared about. And even if he chose to stay with her, he would make her life hell and she knew it. He would question her constantly, he would control her every move and he would threaten her with every move she made that might threaten his security. And she would let him because she would feel like she owed him and it would be like they were seventeen and eighteen years old all over again. But she couldn't be without him.
However, if she didn't tell him, he would never know. But she would know and it would eat away at her conscience and she would be miserable keeping it in. Was keeping a sane mind worth risking her entire relationship with the man she loved?
--------------------------------------------------------
TAYLOR
"I know we don't have another session for a couple of days," Taylor said to Pastor Derek Bradley over the phone. "But I was wondering if I might meet with you myself. Today."
"Um, yeah, I have an opening," he responded. "What's going on?"
"I just--I need to talk."
"Okay, then. Meet me in two hours?"
Two hours later, down to the second, Taylor sat across from Pastor Bradley in his office. "Look, I'm sorry for the short notice, but I just--these past few days have been hell."
"Since our counseling session?"
"Yes."
"How so?"
"Mel. She's angry, she's confused. Laying a lot of blame on herself. She went out and beat the hell out of a girl in a bar. And now she's run off to Chicago because her best friend landed in the hospital."
"The man?"
"Yes."
"Well, you have had quite a week, then."
"But I'm not innocent either--"
"What did the two of you do after you left here the other day?"
Tay covered his mouth, nervously, knowing what his answer was. And he was honest. "I, uh, I worked."
"All night?"
"All night."
"Did you go to bed together?"
"Like, at the same time?"
"Yes."
"No. But then I woke up in the middle of the night and she was laying there, texting him. Pastor Bradley, I've tried. I've tried SO HARD to be understanding of her friendship with him and I feel like I don't have the right to--to tell her I don't like it. I mean, I've told her on many occasions how I feel about it, but--I just can't--"
"You want him out of the picture."
"I wish he never existed. But he came before me. He was there before Mel and I ever talked about getting back together. He was there for her when I couldn't get my shit straight with Natalie, when I crushed Mel with the vow renewal, everything. He was there for her. What am I supposed to do with that? And then she runs off to Chicago yesterday with no luggage, no anything, because he ends up in the hospital with a heart condition."
"Have you spoken to Mel since she left?"
"Yes, several times."
"Describe her relationship with him. From your point of view."
Tay's foot tapped as a reflex. He hated talking about this shit, but this was what he came here for. "I hated him the first moment I laid eyes on him--"
"Hate is a strong word."
"I hated him. I didn't trust him. Walking around like he owned the place, like he owned her--it made me sick."
"Where did you meet him?"
Tay sighed and closed his eyes, shaking his head. "In a club. In New York. My brothers and I were all there with our wives and Mel and her girlfriend at the time both brought dates along--"
"So this was a group date. With your wife."
"Yes."
"And you had feelings for Mel then?"
"Of course I did. I've never NOT had feelings for her. I don't know any other feelings to have. But I was married and Mel and I were trying to be just friends because I was relatively happy in my marriage at the time. I wanted to start fresh with her. With both her and Natalie. I wanted to make amends. But then she walked in the door with him and it was like, it all went out the window. I felt--territorial. It was just crazy."
"What didn't you like about him?"
"I hated how she looked at him. How he looked at her. I hated FEELING their chemistry. I was sick with it. I hated how she smiled at him, how she sat close to him--I hated that, for the first time in years, the first time I ever saw HER was when she walked in the door with HIM. And I can't compete with that."
"Taylor, sometimes in life, people just connect. Whether they're male or female or whatever, people just connect. In many different ways. It can be emotional, spiritual, platonic, romantic--people can connect in many kinds of ways. And in most cases, the people on the outside looking in can't see the difference."
"People shouldn't connect the way they do. Not like that. Not like--not like I should connect with her."
"But you connect with her, obviously."
"Well, yeah."
"But it's a different connection."
"So why does it scare the shit out of me?"
"Because you're only seeing what you want to see and are not yet ready accept what the reality of it is."
"So what am I seeing? A man that cares about her and loves her and makes love to her all over the world and tells her how beautiful she is--"
"Wait, is she having a sexual relationship with this man?"
"She did. Way back, before I divorced Natalie."
"Well no wonder you're scared."
"We weren't together then, though. And I was still married. She could do whatever she wanted. But damn if the guy isn't respectful. He voluntarily stepped out of the way when she and I got back together. And he hasn't pursued her since. I can't help but respect the hell out of him, that's the kicker."
"But you're afraid there's a chance she might still choose him. Was choosing ever an option for her?"
"I don't think she realized there was. I mean, I'm damn lucky, I gotta admit. The truth is, she never hesitated to make it clear which one of us she intended to be with, and it was me."
"No doubt in your mind."
"None, whatsoever."
"What if she did, though? What if she chose him?"
"What do you mean?"
"Hypothetically, and I'm JUST being hypothetical, what if she went to Chicago last night--and what if it got her to thinking? What if, right now in this very moment, she decided that she DID have a decision to make? What would you do then?"
Tay's eyes widened and his heart pounded against his chest. His palms grew sweaty and he began to find it hard to breathe. That thought had never once crossed his mind. "Um, right now? Like, RIGHT this very second?"
"Yes."
"I couldn't say I'd blame her."
Derek raised his eyebrows in surprise. "That's it? Just like that? You'd be willing to let her go, just like that?"
"Nobody said anything about letting her go," Tay spat. "But if, right now in this second, anything happened, I couldn't say I'd blame her. She's a wreck right now. An emotional wreck, with multiple stressors and I'll be honest, that last counseling session seemed to make things worse. It's like, you brought out all these issues last time, and gave us NO way to deal with the aftermath. So we're both kinda running around emotionally blind with all these feelings and thoughts and nowhere to put them. I feel like we should both be in the nuthouse right now. Derek, I know her. I know her inside and out better than I do myself and I can guarantee to you that if anything, anything at all, happens in Chicago, she's still going to come home to me and she'll still marry me and she will still love me, because I know what goes through her mind when she gets overwhelmed like this. She doesn't think and she doesn't feel, she just DOES. We're a lot alike that way. I have to pick and choose my battles."
"That's a pretty big battle, Taylor. So you're telling me that whenever things get rough for her, she can just go and sleep with this other guy and it's automatically okay because she knows not what she does? I'm afraid it just doesn't work that way."
"Well maybe not for you. But I know Mel and I know our relationship and I know how we operate. If right now, at this very moment, something happened with her and Jason in Chicago, I'd have to give her this one. I just would. I'd have to forgive her. Because I love her and I need her and I've caused her a lot of pain over the years and she has never once strayed on me. Not once. So if her brain gets a little jumbled in the heat of the moment, then so be it. ONE TIME."
Derek sighed and sat back in his chair and looked back across the desk at Tay as he twirled a pen between his fingers in thought. "You came here because you're afraid she won't come back."
Tay was taken aback. "What?"
"Deep down, that's why you called me here today. You need me to talk you off the ledge. Because somewhere, deep down in all this mess, you have managed to convince YOURSELF that this Jason guy is a better man than you are and you think that she will be happier with him. And you love her and you want her happy. How far am I off the mark?"
Tay rubbed the back of his neck and swallowed the lump in his throat before he cleared it. "I shouldn't still feel like that."
Derek's voice softened. "Taylor, don't you suppose that, with as strong a connection as you claim they have, if she truly wanted to be with him, she would have chosen him? Before you and Natalie ever even got divorced? Wouldn't she have already chosen him? Would she have fought so hard for you and would she certainly be here, seeing me? She's not religious, we both know it. As soon as you told me about your situation, I knew right there in that moment that she doesn't want a religious ceremony for her--she wants it for YOU. So just some food for thought--why would a person fight SO hard for someone, and then turn around and want someone else? It doesn't make sense, does it?"
"I have to get my head out of my ass, don't I?"
"If I may be completely and totally honest, here--you have issues. You have trust issues. I'm not sure where they stem from. I can almost guarantee that it has nothing to do with this best friend. I think you have trust issues that stemmed, maybe from your past relationship with her, maybe through your years with Natalie, I'm not sure. But I truly believe that the source of your internal struggles are NOT Jason, but something that came before him. And if I may be even more honest, I have to say, that based on what I've seen and what I know, if you don't find a way to deal with these issues then, god forbid this relationship would break up, it wouldn't be her that does it."
Tay could only gape across the desk at Derek. "What?"
"Right now there are three people in your relationship. Mel, you, and your internal struggles that seem to be taking precedence. You need to figure out how to knock that down to two. Just you and her."
"So--you're saying this is all me..."
"I'm not saying she doesn't have her own issues. Believe me, I almost guarantee that she does. But yours are the ones, I think, would be the most detrimental to your relationship."
"I'm going to kill my relationship."
"Not if you get a handle on it."
"So tell me what to do. How do I get a handle on it?"
"Accept her. Learn to accept her. For everything that she is, everything that she does, and everyone that she cares about. Just accept her."
---------------------------------------------------------
MEL
The next morning, Jason's hospital room bustled with people. Nurses, the doctor, his director, the movie producer, his agent, his manager--in and out all morning, talking asking questions, discussing work. Mel found herself standing back in the corner, watching all the hustle and bustle take place. She finally did decide to stay in Jason's room the previous night, but she didn't sleep a wink. She made sure to sleep in the bed she assumed he hadn't been using. Looking around at his luggage and his things all over the room--it was odd and she wished she'd gotten her own room. That would have been the smarter thing to do.
All night long she thought about that kiss. She felt it. She felt it right down to her bones. She knew that there would never be a moment in her entire life that she wouldn't be attracted to him or that his touch wouldn't send shivers down her spine. She hadn't kissed him in nearly two years, since before Taylor and Natalie divorced--and now two years later, his kiss still felt the same to her. She still felt the fire.
Jason was as dangerous now as he ever had been. Mel was vulnerable and emotional and Jason was dangerous. The only thing that had the potential to completely ruin hers and Tay's relationship was him. She'd spent so long in denial of that fact that now she was forced to deal with it head-on. Jason was harmful to her relationship because, even after all this time, she still couldn't trust herself around him. Because she knew that, deep down, they belonged together. But Tay was her life-long love, the man she was born to be with, born to marry. She couldn't allow anything--or anyone--to ruin that or stand in her way.
Discharging Jason from the hospital was like a three-ring circus. With all the chaos going on around him, Mel was surprised that he didn't just code right there in the bed. As she looked on, she was disgusted. These people, these producers and the director and his agent--all they talked about was work. Nobody ever once looked him in the eye and asked him how he was feeling. They were more concerned about when their star would be able to work again. It made Mel sick.
Finally, unable to take it any longer, Mel had her say after over half an hour of silence. "Get out!"
The entire room fell silent and everyone looked back at her.
"I'm serious. Get out. You people make me sick and you can hate me all you want to, but I've watched this go on long enough. He is trying to get out of here and none of you are helping. Have any one of you even expressed concern about his well-being? No. If it were me, I'd sure as hell like it if MY bosses were concerned about my health and treated me like a human being. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Everyone GET OUT and let him get out of the bed. He will be back to work when the doctor damn well says he'll be back. GET OUT!"
Looks of hatred and eyes of daggers shot at her as the men left the room. A couple of them were red-faced with fury, but she didn't care. She looked at Jason and immediately felt guilty. "I'm sorry," she said.
He smiled at her and straightened up in the bed. "I'm so glad you're here."
She walked over and began to unpack the overnight bag she'd brought along from his hotel room. "So how ARE you feeling?"
"Ready to get the hell out of here."
"Ready to sprint down the streets of Chicago again?" she smiled.
"One step at a time. Let's just get me out of here."
Jason had just signed his discharge papers before she ordered the crew out of the room. Now he lifted the covers off of himself and slowly stepped out of the bed. "Take it easy," Mel said.
He turned his head and smiled at her. "It's okay, I got this. I've just been a little lazy, I'm not paralyzed."
Her face fell and she felt like an idiot as she brought him the change of clothes she had packed for him and collected the clothes from the day before that the nurses had brought back in the hospital-issued sack. Mel hated those sacks. They were so impersonal and uncaring.
"Hey," he said softly, catching her arm. "Thank you for caring, though. I really appreciate it. I'd probably be going insane right now if you weren't here. They'd be discharging me directly into the psych ward."
Mel smiled at his joke as he took his clothes and headed into the bathroom. As she collected his things and repacked the bag, the knot that sat in her stomach wound tighter and tighter around itself. She almost didn't want to take him back to his hotel room. She dreaded saying to him what she needed to say and she sure wasn't going to do it right here in the hospital.
An hour later, Jason sat on the side of his bed in his room as he kicked his shoes off and looked around the room. "So, was it you or housekeeping?"
"Uh, me," she said, collecting his used clothing and depositing them into the hotel bag intended for laundry.
"Well, you didn't have to..."
"I wanted to, it's okay. You need help and I can't be here long, so..."
"Mel, it's not like they cut me open..."
"So, what, I can't help you now?"
Jason sighed. "I just, like, wanna go to the gym right now. Or eat a greasy cheeseburger. Or something. I wanna feel normal."
"The doctor said give it a few days, you'll be fine. You don't need to overwork yourself like that again."
"I bet they drop me from this film."
"They're not gonna drop you, you're too far in."
"You pissed off a lot of people today."
Mel gaped at him, accusingly. "Was I wrong?"
He sighed again and stood up. "Look. I'm gonna go in there and take a shower, because I desperately need one, and then you and I are gonna sit here and talk."
"I have a flight to catch--"
"Not until later tonight. We're going to talk."
Twenty minutes later, Mel could smell the fresh soap that came off of Jason as he sat on the edge of the bed across from her. They looked at each other for a moment before he said, quietly, "You know we gotta talk about what happened last night."
"Is it necessary?"
"I think so, yes."
Mel sighed and she looked around the room. And then something dawned on her. "Hey. Why hasn't Maria been around?"
He rubbed the back of his neck nervously and shook his head. "It, uh, it didn't work out..."
She eyed him suspiciously. "What do you mean, it didn't work out? Just a couple days ago you said you were going out again."
"Yeah, well...at the time we were..."
"When did things 'not work out?'"
Jason looked at her.
"When?" she prompted. Then her heart sank. "Jason. Was it after we texted the other morning?"
He looked at her guiltily.
Mel sighed. This was her cue. "Jason. We can't keep doing this. You're my best friend. Ever. You have surpassed any friendship I have ever had on so many levels I never even knew existed. But we both know how we feel about each other--"
"Do we?"
She looked up at him. "Yes. And--I'm going to marry Tay. I want to marry him. I love him. And you and I--Jason, I can't keep letting you destroy potential relationships on account of me and I--I don't want to ruin a marriage I'm not even in yet."
He looked back at her, the realization all over his face. "You love me."
"You're my best friend. You mean the world to me. I care about you. I always will. But I want this marriage. It's all I've ever wanted. And last night, I kissed you and--I have to tell him."
"You're going to risk it all."
"I can't have it on my conscience."
"You know that if your relationship fails on account of that, you and I can't be together. I meant what I said from the very beginning. You can't come running to me if things don't work out. Because if I can't have all of your heart, I can't have any of you. And you'll still love him and I can't handle that."
"I know."
Jason glanced down at his hands and then back up at her. "This, uh, this conversation we're having right now--you're leaving me, aren't you?"
"I--I don't--I don't want to."
"But it would be best for your relationship if I weren't in the picture. You know, it's kinda crazy. For the past several years I've let you go. And now here you are, letting me go. I gotta be honest, I never thought I'd see the day."
"Neither did I."
"Mel, I care about you. You mean everything to me and more, you know that. And as much as I want to get on my knees and beg you to stay right now--I just want you happy. And if you feel like removing me from the picture will help save your relationship with Taylor then--well, I don't want to stand in your way. But I gotta tell you, I'm gonna miss the hell out of you. These past few years have been the best years of my life. I wouldn't change a thing about them."
Tears welled up in her eyes and she fought to wipe them away before they fell. "I don't want to lose you, Jason. But I don't know what else to do. I just--I can't risk my marriage and I stayed up all night last night thinking--and thinking and thinking and thinking--and feeling, and--I never thought I had a choice to make. And I shouldn't have to. And I've spent all this time trying to deny the fact that I needed to choose but after we kissed last night, it became apparent that maybe my feelings for you aren't as innocent as I thought they were. And if I have to choose, it's going to be him. I never wanted to hurt anyone. I need you and I need him and it's just--it's too much. I don't want you to hate me or be mad at me, I just hope you understand."
"I'm not mad. Honestly. And I could never hate you. Ever. I understand why you're doing what you're doing and I admire you for it, believe it or not. I know you're doing this out of respect for him. I know. And maybe someday we'll cross paths again and things will be different and we can be friends again like we never lost touch--"
"I don't ever want to not be your friend."
"I know. You know what I mean."
Suddenly she stood and crossed over to his bed and wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. She couldn't stop the tears from flowing. "I don't want to say goodbye to you."
"So don't," he said, his own voice cracking as he held her tightly. "Don't ever say goodbye to me, because I won't say it back. Okay? Let's just give this a little time, let you work on your relationship and sometime down the road we'll see how things are. Don't you dare be a stranger."
"I have to go."
"If you EVER need me, you know how to reach me."
Mel nodded as she broke away from him, wiping her tears with her sleeve. He held her face in his hands and looked up at her, wiping the remaining tears away with his thumbs. "I wish you wouldn't cry."
She attempted to laugh as she pulled away from him. "I'm surprised I have anything left, it's all I seem to do lately."
"You know you don't have to leave," he said softly.
She nodded and bit her lip. "Yeah, I do. Take care of yourself, okay? Don't put yourself back in the hospital. I mean it. And don't take my name off that list either, because I'd be there in a second."
He smiled and nodded at her, clearing his throat. "Yeah. Sure thing."
Mel had a hard time leaving his hotel room. The hallway seemed longer than it actually was and she knew the plane ride would be an eternity. She should have felt better about the situation, but she felt worse than she ever had. If giving up Jason didn't prove to Taylor that she truly loved him, then there was no hope for their relationship.