BACKFIRE
TAYLOR
All of Taylor's things were in the front yard. Well, maybe not all, but a majority were. Clothes, mostly. Some random items, framed pictures of the two of them with the glass busted...just randomness. Standing over the pile, in his confusion, he looked up in time to see Mel and her little belly storm out of the house to deposit more of his belongings into the yard. "Mel," he said in shock. "What the hell is going on here?"
"You can go fuck yourself, that's what's going on," she spat as she stormed back into the house.
Taylor racked his brain quicker than he ever had in his life. Except he hadn't been home all day, he'd been working. So what the fuck had he done? He couldn't think of a single damn thing.
Trotting briskly into the house, he met Mel halfway through the living room, her arms full of more of his belongings. "Get out of my way," she said.
"What is going on here?"
She went around him and stormed out the door as he followed her. "Who the fuck is Terra?" She asked loudly over her shoulder.
He paused for a moment and then his hand met his face as he hurried out the door after. "She's an old friend, an acquaintance, from a long time ago."
"Really? Just an acquaintance?" She challenged him as she walked past him and back into the house. "You sit that close to all your goddamn acquaintances in random bars, Tay? Do you? I saw the pictures. I saw you. I saw you with her. You like her. I bet you woulda fucked her if you actually had the balls to do it."
Tay was genuinely astonished at the words that were coming out of her mouth. The heinous accusations, the conclusions she jumped to--the entire thing was completely insane! Following her around the house, he fought to talk reason into her. It wasn't happening. "I literally only talked to her for about five minutes. If even that. Just talking, that was it!"
She whipped around and glared at him. "Yeah, because you chickened out and ran home. I bet you ran home because you KNEW you wanted to fuck her!"
"How could you say that?"
"Proof is in the pictures, Tay."
"There's NOTHING in ANY pictures!"
"Oh yeah?" She challenged. "Then what am I NOT seeing?"
"FUCKING REALITY! YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A CRAZY LUNATIC RIGHT NOW!"
"OH, I'M A CRAZY LUNATIC? WHO THE FUCK IS THE ONE SCREAMING LIKE ONE RIGHT NOW?"
"YOU ARE!"
She stared into his eyes, her expression hard and cold. "You don't like the way I handle things? You think I'm a crazy lunatic? Fine. See if I care. If you can't handle me, you can just go run off with Terra and fuck her all day long until the cows come home, SEE IF I CARE! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR DIRTY LIARS, TAY! DIRTY, CHEATING LIARS! FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON!"
And with that, she was off, collecting more of his random items and loading them up in her arms to deposit out into the yard.
Tay was at a loss. A complete and total loss. There was no getting to her, none whatsoever. It was like talking to a brick wall--a screaming, raging, brick wall. Feverishly, he dialed Isaac's number and walked outside to assess the collection that was building in his front yard. He'd attempt to pick it up except that he was both afraid to touch it and found it pointless as she just kept adding to it.
"Ike! Holy shit, you gotta help me!"
"Whoa, Tay, what's going on?" His brother answered. "Is everything okay?"
"No. Everything is not okay. I came home and all my shit's out in the yard and she's fucking acting like a lunatic, she's gone off the deep end and I don't know what the fuck to do!"
"Calm down, calm down. What did you do?"
"Nothing! That's just it! I haven't done a goddamn thing! She thinks I cheated on her with Terra at the party."
"What? You barely even talked to Terra."
"I know! Ike, man, you're my only witness. She listens to you. You gotta help me. You gotta tell her. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm desperate. She won't listen to me. All she does is scream and make obscene accusations and she's just steady throwing my shit out here like clockwork. Please. I'm begging you, please."
"Shit. Okay. Give me a few minutes and I'll be there. Just--just don't let her burn the place down."
"At the rate she's going, I can't make that promise."
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ZAC
As they pulled up into Taylor's driveway, the scene in the front yard was like Cops meets Jerry Springer. Live. Suburbs Edition. Tay, desperately trying to talk to Mel, Mel screaming at him and throwing more of his stuff in the yard.
When Zac got the call from Isaac, he wanted to laugh at first. When Ike expressed true concern, Zac got serious. In the back of his mind, however, he should have known that Tay should have never knocked her up. She was a loose cannon anyway. He HAD to see something like this coming once she got pregnant.
As Zac and Ike hopped out of Ike's car and bounded across the front yard, Mel, who stood bare-footed on the front steps in leggings and an over-sized button-down shirt, literally dropped everything she had in her hands and started crying. Stepping off the porch and walking swiftly across the yard, she ran straight into Zac's arms and sobbed on his shoulder, "Zac!"
As Zac hugged her, Tay threw his hands up and widened his eyes in defeat. "Perfect," he said. "Zac shows up and instantly everything is okay. Unbelievable."
"Zac's not a dirty cheater, Tay!" Mel's muffled voice came from Zac's shoulder.
The comment made Zac uncomfortable and Tay's jaw dropped in disbelief. "FUCKING SERIOUSLY?"
"Okay," Ike said as he walked across the yard and took Tay by the arm. "Let's go this way for a minute."
Zac watched as Tay sat on the steps and Ike stood in front of him as they talked. Mel simply just sobbed into his shoulder and he was kind of at a loss himself as he looked at the textile carnage that littered the yard.
Finally, Zac pulled away from her just a little to look at her. "Mel, it's okay. He didn't do anything at that party the other night. I swear to it, I wouldn't lie to you. And neither would he. I promise. What happened here today?"
"I ran out of pickles," she said between sobs.
He glanced over her shoulder at the lawn and then looked back at her with a look of contempt, his voice completely flat. "What?"
She sniffed and wiped her eyes. "I ran out of pickles. So I went to the store to get some and I was standing in line and I saw a magazine--"
"The shitty tabloid kind?"
She nodded. "Yeah. And it was him and her with her long legs and her long hair and her skinny body. And I was shocked and I picked up the magazine and I dropped the pickles and I made a mess and I was so embarrassed that I ran out of there and--and I don't even think I paid for the magazine! I'm a thief, Zac! I'm a thief and they're gonna come and get me and take me to prison and I can't have my baby in prison, Zac, I just can't! And then Tay's not gonna want to marry someone who's in prison and he's gonna take my baby and raise it with that Terra bitch on some hippie commune somewhere and I'll be all alone in a jail cell for the rest of my life!"
And then came the fresh sobs and her face was right back in his shoulder.
Zac tried his best not to laugh but the whole thing was truly hilarious. So completely hilarious. If you thought about the entire scenario, it was comedy gold. It all started with a jar of pickles. And now Tay's stuff was all over the yard. It was hard to keep it together but he made a valiant effort and was successful.
As Ike and Tay stared at Zac and Mel, Zac attempted to make the baby bump motion with his hand as he mouthed to them, "Hormones. Every bit of it. Hormones. It's okay."
Tay sighed and ran his hands through his hair. Zac could hear them faintly talking. "I don't know what to do anymore, Ike. I just don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm gonna survive this baby, man."
Mel heard this, too, and her head came off of Zac's shoulder and she turned around and looked at Tay. In yet another personality switch, she walked over to him and he stood as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Zac rubbed his face in exhaustion. Yes, exhaustion. They had been at the house for maybe five minutes and he felt like all the energy had been drained out of him already. He thought Kate was crazy during pregnancy, but this right here was an entirely new ballgame. His heart and his respect went out to his brother for this.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
TAYLOR
Taylor's head spun at the constant confusion as Mel wrapped her arms around his neck and gently hugged him. He hugged her back and she whispered that she was sorry and she loved him and that she believed him and trusted him. He apologized anyway, even though he knew he didn't owe her one, just to keep the peace. He thought all was well again, but apparently it wasn't over.
"After I came home, and I saw that picture, I stood straight up and when I looked down, I could only see the tips of my toes. Just the tips. That's it. Do you know what that means?"
Tay's eyes darted around to his brothers' and he was completely afraid to answer.
Luckily, he didn't have to. "That means that pretty soon, I'm not going to be able to see my feet at all. And then it's gonna start being hard for me to shave my legs and then after that, I won't be able to shave at all. And then my legs will be all hairy because I can't shave them and I'll be hormonal and depressed and hairy and who wants to have sex with a mean, nasty, hairy beast?" She began to sob again. "Who wants to when you have a tall, blonde model waiting for you who CAN shave her legs and ISN'T huge and mean and scary and hairy?"
"Oh, Christ, sweetheart, no," he objected. "That is never going to happen. Okay? Never."
"It will if I can't shave my legs," she sniffed.
"I'll shave your legs," he offered.
Mel scoffed and wiped her eyes. "Yeah, right. You've never shaved anyone's legs before. You don't even know how."
"Sure, I can. I shave my face all the time, it can't be that hard."
She sniffed again, her eyes widening. "You'd do that for me?" She squeaked.
"I'd do anything for you."
She was silent for a moment before she spoke up again. "Why do you put up with me?"
"Because I love you."
"But I'm horrible."
"I still love you."
"I'm mean and I'm fat and I'm unpredictable--"
"You're not fat, you're pregnant, and I still love you."
"But I'm mean and unpredictable."
Tay shrugged. "Sometimes, but I love that, too."
She looked behind her at the yard. "Oh god, what have I done?"
Tay sighed. "You made a mess."
"I'm so sorry. Did I damage anything?"
"Yep."
"You, um, you go inside. I'll clean this up."
He looked at her like she'd lost her mind. "You're crazy, I'm not leaving you out here to do this by yourself."
"But it's my mess, you shouldn't have to worry about it."
"I don't care."
And that was how three Hanson brothers and a pregnant fiancée ended up doing yard work at dusk on a Saturday night.
--------------
"Tay," Zac said during a break at the studio on Monday. "That can't be normal. It just can't. I mean, Kate drove me a little crazy, but that right there? On Saturday? That was fucking clinical. Seriously. I'm beginning to wonder if the wrong one of you is on medication."
Taylor wanted to glare at his brother but he just didn't have the energy. He was so damn exhausted. It was all he could do to listen to the samples Kari had sent him and to pull a semi-final number of guests from his mother to give to Kari, as well. He was grateful to have a wedding planner, but it didn't make life any less stressful.
"Five more months," Tay said. "Five more."
"Four and a half," Zac corrected him.
"Four and a half. See, I can't even keep up with my own child and it isn't even born yet. I'm scared to death, Zac. She won't marry me. I just know it. After that reaction to a damn picture, that show she put on Saturday? What the hell do you think is gonna happen when I tell her I've been planning a wedding behind her back? 'All you gotta do is show up.' She'll fucking murder me! She'll go into labor early JUST so she can strangle me with the umbilical cord. I mean go big or go home, right?"
Zac smiled and shook his head. "You sound exactly like her. Your kid is going to be the only sane one in your house, you know that? Your kid is gonna be, like, Doogie Houser, except as your therapist. Both of you."
"Is it that bad?"
"It's kinda hilarious, honestly."
Tay sighed. "I'm gonna tell her. Tonight. I'm gonna take her to dinner and I'm gonna tell her. I can't keep it in anymore. And she needs to find a dress."
"You sure you wanna do that in public?"
Tay let out a small laugh. "I think I'd rather have witnesses."
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Taking a deep breath, Taylor gripped the bouquet of roses in his hand as he opened the front door of his house. He had skipped out on his brothers early to take Mel out while he still had the nerve to do it. Since Saturday, life had been back to normal. She was happy, agreeable, cooperative--but he still couldn't keep from being on edge, waiting for the next mood swing.
As he stepped into the foyer, he heard her talking on the phone. "Did you seriously call me to girl talk with me? Jason, you are not a girl-talker, this is crazy."
Tay sighed. Goddamn. Jason sure did have a penchant for popping up at the most inconvenient times.
"Gossip, girl talk, whatever, it's all the same," she continued. She paused, obviously listening, and then she spoke again. "Are you serious? I mean, are you really surprised? Honestly. I knew Hollywood would change her. It was only a matter of time. I mean, you saw what she did to us." Then she sighed. "Poor Gerard...I know...Well, what can you do? Be a good friend is really all. Just don't give her anything else to talk shit about...Yeah, I know..."
Seriously? He was afraid of interrupting THIS conversation? Tay had much more important fish to fry here and this conversation could wait. As he walked into the living room, Mel turned around and her eyes grew wide. "Um, Jason, I gotta go. There is a huge bouquet of roses headed right in my direction...Yeah, okay...You, too...Okay, bye." Mel ended her phone call and dropped her phone on the sofa beside her, a grin spreading across her face. "Honey! What's this all about?"
Tay grinned back at her, her smile warming his heart. "Just a little something I picked up on the way home."
She stood to take them from him and she kissed him. "They're so beautiful. Thank you so much, this made my day. You have no idea."
"Bad day?"
"I didn't feel good this morning. I'm okay now, but this morning was kinda blah."
"How do you feel right now?"
She headed for the kitchen to put her flowers in water. "I'm good now. Just earlier wasn't any fun, that's all. I had a headache and I'm not allowed to take the medication I want to take, so I popped a baby Tylenol and it didn't do jack, so I had to tough it out."
"I'm sorry," he said regretfully.
"It's okay." She smiled up at him. "These helped."
He smiled back at her as he leaned against the island, watching her fill up a vase in the sink. "So, uh, how would you feel about putting on a dress and going to dinner tonight?"
She grinned as she sat the roses in the middle of the island. "Wow, flowers AND dinner tonight? Either someone wants to get laid or you're making up for something."
Tay blushed and laughed. "No, I just--I want to take you out."
"A dress?"
"Well, I wanna take you somewhere kinda nice. You know..."
"What are we celebrating?"
"You're awful inquisitive, aren't you?"
"You asked me to dress, I gotta know what I'm dressing for."
Tay shook his head. Always the fashionista. "Um...tomorrow. Tomorrow. I can't be at your appointment tomorrow, so consider this a preemptive celebration."
Mel's face wore a slight scowl. "Tomorrow is an important appointment. I still can't believe you couldn't make arrangements to be there."
"I know. And I am so sorry--"
"We find out what our baby is tomorrow."
"I know."
"I don't wanna find out without you there."
"I'm sorry."
"Is that what this is all about?"
"Um..." Well, he hadn't thought of that. Sure, why the hell not? "I'm doing the best I can," he said. "I promise you I am."
To his surprise, her face softened and she smiled, raising a hand to his cheek. "I know, honey. I know." Then her grin widened. "I just recently bought a brand new dress and I've been dying for an excuse to wear it before I grow out of it."
An hour later, after he'd dressed in his casual sport coat, Mel emerged from the bedroom and he couldn't hide the smile on his face. Her dress was simple. Strapless, fitted, and knee-length. Nude with a black, lace overlay. She wore a pair of nude stilettos and had pulled her long hair back into a low ponytail. A small purse hung off of her wrist. "You're so gorgeous," he said, smiling. "But you're gonna need a jacket, it's a little chilly out there today."
She raised an eyebrow and gave him the once-over as she grinned and walked past him. "Why should I bring one when you're already wearing one?"
As he watched her walk away, he shook his head and smiled at the ceiling. Wow. Little by little, she was tearing him apart. But damn if he didn't enjoy it sometimes.
Sitting across from her at the restaurant, he watched her look over the menu, completely engrossed in it. He knew she was looking for chicken. That was her new obsession these days. While he enjoyed her newfound zest for cooking, EVERYTHING was made with chicken. He figured they'd tried every chicken recipe in the book by now. He knew when they came out tonight that he was dying for red meat so it took him seconds to make a decision on his order.
When she'd finally settled on a baked chicken breast plate and the waiter had taken their orders, Tay wiped his palms on his pants as he prepared to open his mouth to speak, and then he stopped. Should he do this now? Should he wait until she'd eaten? No. He could use dinner to his advantage. She wouldn't dare storm out on him while dinner still wasn't on the table yet. It was kinda funny to think about, but he knew she loved this restaurant and he'd brought her here because she was less likely to create a scene and embarrass herself in there where the staff knew her.
So he took a deep breath and he went for it. "Look, Mel, I gotta tell you something."
Her eyes narrowed at him immediately. "I knew there was a catch. I knew it."
"No. No. Well, yes, but just--just hear me out, okay? Don't freak out. It's nothing bad, I promise."
She rested her elbows on the table. "Okay, then. I'm listening."
Tay let out a breath. "Um, okay. Here goes. So, I wanted to wait a little longer to tell you this, but it's not really feasible to wait anymore..."
"Okay..."
"You know the stuff I'm working on in New York? With Kari?"
"Yes..."
"We're getting married."
Mel gaped across the table at him. "You're marrying KARI?!"
Tay closed his eyes and shook his head. Shit! "No, no. No, I mean, WE'RE getting married. You and I."
Mel's arms relaxed and she took a drink of her water. "Well I thought that was kind of inevitable, seeing as I'm still wearing my ring."
Tay sighed, frustrated. "No. That's not what I mean. I mean, Kari is a wedding planner. And I have a wedding planned. For us. Me and you. It's all taken care of. Everything. We have a date, guests, a cake--everything. It's done. All you have to do it show up and marry me."
He'd gotten it out. He'd said it. Holy shit, he'd said it. Now what? He was dying.
Mel looked across the table at him in silence. She didn't utter a word and he couldn't read her face.
Tay didn't realize he'd been holding his breath until he let it out. She still continued to stare at him, speechless. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. "Mel? Sweetheart? Say something."
Hesitantly, she started to sputter her words. "Uh, well, um--uh--I--oh my god."
He searched her face desperately. Was this good or bad? Good or bad? Holy shit, he'd fucked up. He knew it.
She took a deep breath and collected her composure before she spoke. "I'm, uh, I'm not really sure how I feel about that. To be honest."
Holy shit. His mother had been right. He wasn't prepared enough for this reaction.
Mel continued. "Our wedding meant a lot to me. My marriage to you was my dream wedding. Marrying you was my dream, it was--something I always wanted to plan myself--"
"And you did."
She shook her head. "No. I didn't. We're getting married and I had absolutely no say in it whatsoever. You planned our wedding with another woman. My wedding is going to be the vision of another woman. I just--I don't--"
He reached across the table and took her hand. "No, see, that's just it. All she's doing is everything I told her to do. That's it. I took everything I could get from the first one we planned and put it into this one. It's going to be beautiful. You're still getting your wedding, it's just--modified a little."
Mel looked back at him and searched his eyes for a moment. "Why? Why did you do this?"
"Because I want to marry you."
"Why keep it such a big secret?"
"Because--" he paused and sighed. "Because I want to do this for you. With the first one you stressed so much over it and it was such a headache on you and--well, now that you're pregnant, I didn't want to put that on you again, especially after I just sprung the date on you and allowed all the plans to fall into your lap. That wasn't fair. And after we have the baby--when are we going to find time to get married?"
"But now you've sprung an entire wedding on me..."
Defeated, he sat back in his chair, wiping his palms on his pants. "Okay. I'll cancel it. No big deal. I'll cancel the whole thing and we can start over. I'm sorry, I just--I thought--"
"No," she blurted suddenly. "No, don't--don't cancel it..."
Tay looked back at her, afraid to respond. Afraid to provoke her.
"I'm just--the whole thing is a little shocking," she continued. "People just don't--they don't do these sort of things--"
"They aren't us."
Mel smiled and nodded, the first smile she'd cracked since he broke the news. "Well, that's for sure." Then she looked up at him. "So...what does this wedding entail?"
"Um, it's in New York."
"We're getting married in New York."
"Yes."
"And?"
"And you're gonna need a dress."
"And?"
"And that's it."
"Tay--"
"Look, just let me have this, okay? Just buy a dress and marry me. Okay?"
Mel's face began to turn red and a smile crept across her face as she bit her lip. THIS was the reaction he was hoping to get out of her. "So we're getting married?"
"Yes," he smiled.
"For real?"
"For real."
And then the waterworks started. Why should he expect any less? She stood from her chair and came around the table and he stood to meet her as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I love you so much," she cried into his neck. "I don't deserve you. I promise you that when I'm not pregnant anymore, I won't be so horrible to you."
A laugh escaped from his throat. "When you're not pregnant anymore?"
"I can't be held responsible for my actions these days, honestly. I do the best I can."
Tay nodded and hugged her back. "Okay. That's fair." He pulled away and took her face in his hands. "You know I love you more than anything in this world, right?"
She nodded. "If you didn't, you wouldn't take on all the crap you're having to take on at my expense."
"Well at least you're honest."
She scowled at him. "And you don't have to be SO honest sometimes."
He kissed her and then the food showed up and for the first five minutes of dinner, he didn't exist anymore. That was okay. What was important was that she was happy and he wasn't in the doghouse. For now, anyway.
-------------
Of course nothing can be perfect. Why should it? Why shouldn't Taylor be able to marry the woman of his dreams, become a father, build the perfect household, and have a successful job all at the same time? Why shouldn't he be able to live in a care-free world where all of his plans fall perfectly into place all the time, where he kept his fiancée constantly happy, and when shit surprises didn't spring up on him when he least expected it?
Like the next day after his meeting.
Kari had seemingly blown up his phone while he was in the meeting and he called her on the way home. "Taylor, I have bad news. The venue double booked on your wedding day."
"Bad news? That shouldn't be bad news for me."
"Well..."
"Well what? Was *I* the one who was double booked?"
"Unfortunately so."
"No," he said firmly. "Kari, no. THAT is where Mel and I are getting married and that's final. Fix this."
"Taylor, I've tried. I've begged and I've pleaded--"
"The goddamn address is One Hanson Place! It's a Hanson wedding! It's practically fate, they HAVE to let us get married there!"
"Taylor, I know. I've done everything and I've said everything. They're not budging. But I have another venue picked out--"
"No. I don't want another venue, I want THAT one. I've already told her. I told Mel last night--"
"Taylor," Kari said in disappointment. "We talked about that."
"It's okay. It's fine. But that venue has to happen. That's all there is to it. I'm coming to New York. Tomorrow, I'm coming tomorrow. I'll book my flight."
"Well, let's not get--"
"Clear your schedule tomorrow. I'll call you when I'm in town."
Tay hung up the phone and was seconds from hyperventilation. This couldn't be happening. This was NOT happening. Not when they were so close to the wedding. Not when he thought everything was perfect. Not after he told Mel that everything was already done.
As he pulled into the driveway, he attempted to calm himself a little. At least she would have good news for him when he came home. At least he had something to look forward to.
Walking in the house, he had to search for her until he found her in the nursery. For a moment, all his cares seemed to fade away at the sight of her in that room. He smiled and came behind her, sliding his hand around her until it rested on her stomach. "So?" He asked gently. "Are we having a son or a daughter?"
To his surprise, and to his dismay, Mel shrugged. "Don't know."
"What?"
"You weren't there today and I decided I didn't want to find out without you. We can find out any time we want to, but I thought about it and decided that I didn't want to know until it was born. It'll be fun to be surprised, right?"
Taylor was floored. He'd been looking forward to this day for weeks and it was bad enough he had to miss the appointment to begin with. Everything was just perfect last night. Just perfect. And now he had no wedding venue and a genderless baby. He desperately needed a beer.
As if she read his mind, she turned her head over her shoulder and asked him, "You want a beer?"
"Yes," he responded. "Oh please, god, yes."
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Alternate Jason chapter: http://tyamwedding.weebly.com/toxic-hollywood-alternate.html
TAYLOR
All of Taylor's things were in the front yard. Well, maybe not all, but a majority were. Clothes, mostly. Some random items, framed pictures of the two of them with the glass busted...just randomness. Standing over the pile, in his confusion, he looked up in time to see Mel and her little belly storm out of the house to deposit more of his belongings into the yard. "Mel," he said in shock. "What the hell is going on here?"
"You can go fuck yourself, that's what's going on," she spat as she stormed back into the house.
Taylor racked his brain quicker than he ever had in his life. Except he hadn't been home all day, he'd been working. So what the fuck had he done? He couldn't think of a single damn thing.
Trotting briskly into the house, he met Mel halfway through the living room, her arms full of more of his belongings. "Get out of my way," she said.
"What is going on here?"
She went around him and stormed out the door as he followed her. "Who the fuck is Terra?" She asked loudly over her shoulder.
He paused for a moment and then his hand met his face as he hurried out the door after. "She's an old friend, an acquaintance, from a long time ago."
"Really? Just an acquaintance?" She challenged him as she walked past him and back into the house. "You sit that close to all your goddamn acquaintances in random bars, Tay? Do you? I saw the pictures. I saw you. I saw you with her. You like her. I bet you woulda fucked her if you actually had the balls to do it."
Tay was genuinely astonished at the words that were coming out of her mouth. The heinous accusations, the conclusions she jumped to--the entire thing was completely insane! Following her around the house, he fought to talk reason into her. It wasn't happening. "I literally only talked to her for about five minutes. If even that. Just talking, that was it!"
She whipped around and glared at him. "Yeah, because you chickened out and ran home. I bet you ran home because you KNEW you wanted to fuck her!"
"How could you say that?"
"Proof is in the pictures, Tay."
"There's NOTHING in ANY pictures!"
"Oh yeah?" She challenged. "Then what am I NOT seeing?"
"FUCKING REALITY! YOU'RE ACTING LIKE A CRAZY LUNATIC RIGHT NOW!"
"OH, I'M A CRAZY LUNATIC? WHO THE FUCK IS THE ONE SCREAMING LIKE ONE RIGHT NOW?"
"YOU ARE!"
She stared into his eyes, her expression hard and cold. "You don't like the way I handle things? You think I'm a crazy lunatic? Fine. See if I care. If you can't handle me, you can just go run off with Terra and fuck her all day long until the cows come home, SEE IF I CARE! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR DIRTY LIARS, TAY! DIRTY, CHEATING LIARS! FUCK YOU AND THE HORSE YOU RODE IN ON!"
And with that, she was off, collecting more of his random items and loading them up in her arms to deposit out into the yard.
Tay was at a loss. A complete and total loss. There was no getting to her, none whatsoever. It was like talking to a brick wall--a screaming, raging, brick wall. Feverishly, he dialed Isaac's number and walked outside to assess the collection that was building in his front yard. He'd attempt to pick it up except that he was both afraid to touch it and found it pointless as she just kept adding to it.
"Ike! Holy shit, you gotta help me!"
"Whoa, Tay, what's going on?" His brother answered. "Is everything okay?"
"No. Everything is not okay. I came home and all my shit's out in the yard and she's fucking acting like a lunatic, she's gone off the deep end and I don't know what the fuck to do!"
"Calm down, calm down. What did you do?"
"Nothing! That's just it! I haven't done a goddamn thing! She thinks I cheated on her with Terra at the party."
"What? You barely even talked to Terra."
"I know! Ike, man, you're my only witness. She listens to you. You gotta help me. You gotta tell her. I don't know what to do anymore, I'm desperate. She won't listen to me. All she does is scream and make obscene accusations and she's just steady throwing my shit out here like clockwork. Please. I'm begging you, please."
"Shit. Okay. Give me a few minutes and I'll be there. Just--just don't let her burn the place down."
"At the rate she's going, I can't make that promise."
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ZAC
As they pulled up into Taylor's driveway, the scene in the front yard was like Cops meets Jerry Springer. Live. Suburbs Edition. Tay, desperately trying to talk to Mel, Mel screaming at him and throwing more of his stuff in the yard.
When Zac got the call from Isaac, he wanted to laugh at first. When Ike expressed true concern, Zac got serious. In the back of his mind, however, he should have known that Tay should have never knocked her up. She was a loose cannon anyway. He HAD to see something like this coming once she got pregnant.
As Zac and Ike hopped out of Ike's car and bounded across the front yard, Mel, who stood bare-footed on the front steps in leggings and an over-sized button-down shirt, literally dropped everything she had in her hands and started crying. Stepping off the porch and walking swiftly across the yard, she ran straight into Zac's arms and sobbed on his shoulder, "Zac!"
As Zac hugged her, Tay threw his hands up and widened his eyes in defeat. "Perfect," he said. "Zac shows up and instantly everything is okay. Unbelievable."
"Zac's not a dirty cheater, Tay!" Mel's muffled voice came from Zac's shoulder.
The comment made Zac uncomfortable and Tay's jaw dropped in disbelief. "FUCKING SERIOUSLY?"
"Okay," Ike said as he walked across the yard and took Tay by the arm. "Let's go this way for a minute."
Zac watched as Tay sat on the steps and Ike stood in front of him as they talked. Mel simply just sobbed into his shoulder and he was kind of at a loss himself as he looked at the textile carnage that littered the yard.
Finally, Zac pulled away from her just a little to look at her. "Mel, it's okay. He didn't do anything at that party the other night. I swear to it, I wouldn't lie to you. And neither would he. I promise. What happened here today?"
"I ran out of pickles," she said between sobs.
He glanced over her shoulder at the lawn and then looked back at her with a look of contempt, his voice completely flat. "What?"
She sniffed and wiped her eyes. "I ran out of pickles. So I went to the store to get some and I was standing in line and I saw a magazine--"
"The shitty tabloid kind?"
She nodded. "Yeah. And it was him and her with her long legs and her long hair and her skinny body. And I was shocked and I picked up the magazine and I dropped the pickles and I made a mess and I was so embarrassed that I ran out of there and--and I don't even think I paid for the magazine! I'm a thief, Zac! I'm a thief and they're gonna come and get me and take me to prison and I can't have my baby in prison, Zac, I just can't! And then Tay's not gonna want to marry someone who's in prison and he's gonna take my baby and raise it with that Terra bitch on some hippie commune somewhere and I'll be all alone in a jail cell for the rest of my life!"
And then came the fresh sobs and her face was right back in his shoulder.
Zac tried his best not to laugh but the whole thing was truly hilarious. So completely hilarious. If you thought about the entire scenario, it was comedy gold. It all started with a jar of pickles. And now Tay's stuff was all over the yard. It was hard to keep it together but he made a valiant effort and was successful.
As Ike and Tay stared at Zac and Mel, Zac attempted to make the baby bump motion with his hand as he mouthed to them, "Hormones. Every bit of it. Hormones. It's okay."
Tay sighed and ran his hands through his hair. Zac could hear them faintly talking. "I don't know what to do anymore, Ike. I just don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm gonna survive this baby, man."
Mel heard this, too, and her head came off of Zac's shoulder and she turned around and looked at Tay. In yet another personality switch, she walked over to him and he stood as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Zac rubbed his face in exhaustion. Yes, exhaustion. They had been at the house for maybe five minutes and he felt like all the energy had been drained out of him already. He thought Kate was crazy during pregnancy, but this right here was an entirely new ballgame. His heart and his respect went out to his brother for this.
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TAYLOR
Taylor's head spun at the constant confusion as Mel wrapped her arms around his neck and gently hugged him. He hugged her back and she whispered that she was sorry and she loved him and that she believed him and trusted him. He apologized anyway, even though he knew he didn't owe her one, just to keep the peace. He thought all was well again, but apparently it wasn't over.
"After I came home, and I saw that picture, I stood straight up and when I looked down, I could only see the tips of my toes. Just the tips. That's it. Do you know what that means?"
Tay's eyes darted around to his brothers' and he was completely afraid to answer.
Luckily, he didn't have to. "That means that pretty soon, I'm not going to be able to see my feet at all. And then it's gonna start being hard for me to shave my legs and then after that, I won't be able to shave at all. And then my legs will be all hairy because I can't shave them and I'll be hormonal and depressed and hairy and who wants to have sex with a mean, nasty, hairy beast?" She began to sob again. "Who wants to when you have a tall, blonde model waiting for you who CAN shave her legs and ISN'T huge and mean and scary and hairy?"
"Oh, Christ, sweetheart, no," he objected. "That is never going to happen. Okay? Never."
"It will if I can't shave my legs," she sniffed.
"I'll shave your legs," he offered.
Mel scoffed and wiped her eyes. "Yeah, right. You've never shaved anyone's legs before. You don't even know how."
"Sure, I can. I shave my face all the time, it can't be that hard."
She sniffed again, her eyes widening. "You'd do that for me?" She squeaked.
"I'd do anything for you."
She was silent for a moment before she spoke up again. "Why do you put up with me?"
"Because I love you."
"But I'm horrible."
"I still love you."
"I'm mean and I'm fat and I'm unpredictable--"
"You're not fat, you're pregnant, and I still love you."
"But I'm mean and unpredictable."
Tay shrugged. "Sometimes, but I love that, too."
She looked behind her at the yard. "Oh god, what have I done?"
Tay sighed. "You made a mess."
"I'm so sorry. Did I damage anything?"
"Yep."
"You, um, you go inside. I'll clean this up."
He looked at her like she'd lost her mind. "You're crazy, I'm not leaving you out here to do this by yourself."
"But it's my mess, you shouldn't have to worry about it."
"I don't care."
And that was how three Hanson brothers and a pregnant fiancée ended up doing yard work at dusk on a Saturday night.
--------------
"Tay," Zac said during a break at the studio on Monday. "That can't be normal. It just can't. I mean, Kate drove me a little crazy, but that right there? On Saturday? That was fucking clinical. Seriously. I'm beginning to wonder if the wrong one of you is on medication."
Taylor wanted to glare at his brother but he just didn't have the energy. He was so damn exhausted. It was all he could do to listen to the samples Kari had sent him and to pull a semi-final number of guests from his mother to give to Kari, as well. He was grateful to have a wedding planner, but it didn't make life any less stressful.
"Five more months," Tay said. "Five more."
"Four and a half," Zac corrected him.
"Four and a half. See, I can't even keep up with my own child and it isn't even born yet. I'm scared to death, Zac. She won't marry me. I just know it. After that reaction to a damn picture, that show she put on Saturday? What the hell do you think is gonna happen when I tell her I've been planning a wedding behind her back? 'All you gotta do is show up.' She'll fucking murder me! She'll go into labor early JUST so she can strangle me with the umbilical cord. I mean go big or go home, right?"
Zac smiled and shook his head. "You sound exactly like her. Your kid is going to be the only sane one in your house, you know that? Your kid is gonna be, like, Doogie Houser, except as your therapist. Both of you."
"Is it that bad?"
"It's kinda hilarious, honestly."
Tay sighed. "I'm gonna tell her. Tonight. I'm gonna take her to dinner and I'm gonna tell her. I can't keep it in anymore. And she needs to find a dress."
"You sure you wanna do that in public?"
Tay let out a small laugh. "I think I'd rather have witnesses."
----------
Taking a deep breath, Taylor gripped the bouquet of roses in his hand as he opened the front door of his house. He had skipped out on his brothers early to take Mel out while he still had the nerve to do it. Since Saturday, life had been back to normal. She was happy, agreeable, cooperative--but he still couldn't keep from being on edge, waiting for the next mood swing.
As he stepped into the foyer, he heard her talking on the phone. "Did you seriously call me to girl talk with me? Jason, you are not a girl-talker, this is crazy."
Tay sighed. Goddamn. Jason sure did have a penchant for popping up at the most inconvenient times.
"Gossip, girl talk, whatever, it's all the same," she continued. She paused, obviously listening, and then she spoke again. "Are you serious? I mean, are you really surprised? Honestly. I knew Hollywood would change her. It was only a matter of time. I mean, you saw what she did to us." Then she sighed. "Poor Gerard...I know...Well, what can you do? Be a good friend is really all. Just don't give her anything else to talk shit about...Yeah, I know..."
Seriously? He was afraid of interrupting THIS conversation? Tay had much more important fish to fry here and this conversation could wait. As he walked into the living room, Mel turned around and her eyes grew wide. "Um, Jason, I gotta go. There is a huge bouquet of roses headed right in my direction...Yeah, okay...You, too...Okay, bye." Mel ended her phone call and dropped her phone on the sofa beside her, a grin spreading across her face. "Honey! What's this all about?"
Tay grinned back at her, her smile warming his heart. "Just a little something I picked up on the way home."
She stood to take them from him and she kissed him. "They're so beautiful. Thank you so much, this made my day. You have no idea."
"Bad day?"
"I didn't feel good this morning. I'm okay now, but this morning was kinda blah."
"How do you feel right now?"
She headed for the kitchen to put her flowers in water. "I'm good now. Just earlier wasn't any fun, that's all. I had a headache and I'm not allowed to take the medication I want to take, so I popped a baby Tylenol and it didn't do jack, so I had to tough it out."
"I'm sorry," he said regretfully.
"It's okay." She smiled up at him. "These helped."
He smiled back at her as he leaned against the island, watching her fill up a vase in the sink. "So, uh, how would you feel about putting on a dress and going to dinner tonight?"
She grinned as she sat the roses in the middle of the island. "Wow, flowers AND dinner tonight? Either someone wants to get laid or you're making up for something."
Tay blushed and laughed. "No, I just--I want to take you out."
"A dress?"
"Well, I wanna take you somewhere kinda nice. You know..."
"What are we celebrating?"
"You're awful inquisitive, aren't you?"
"You asked me to dress, I gotta know what I'm dressing for."
Tay shook his head. Always the fashionista. "Um...tomorrow. Tomorrow. I can't be at your appointment tomorrow, so consider this a preemptive celebration."
Mel's face wore a slight scowl. "Tomorrow is an important appointment. I still can't believe you couldn't make arrangements to be there."
"I know. And I am so sorry--"
"We find out what our baby is tomorrow."
"I know."
"I don't wanna find out without you there."
"I'm sorry."
"Is that what this is all about?"
"Um..." Well, he hadn't thought of that. Sure, why the hell not? "I'm doing the best I can," he said. "I promise you I am."
To his surprise, her face softened and she smiled, raising a hand to his cheek. "I know, honey. I know." Then her grin widened. "I just recently bought a brand new dress and I've been dying for an excuse to wear it before I grow out of it."
An hour later, after he'd dressed in his casual sport coat, Mel emerged from the bedroom and he couldn't hide the smile on his face. Her dress was simple. Strapless, fitted, and knee-length. Nude with a black, lace overlay. She wore a pair of nude stilettos and had pulled her long hair back into a low ponytail. A small purse hung off of her wrist. "You're so gorgeous," he said, smiling. "But you're gonna need a jacket, it's a little chilly out there today."
She raised an eyebrow and gave him the once-over as she grinned and walked past him. "Why should I bring one when you're already wearing one?"
As he watched her walk away, he shook his head and smiled at the ceiling. Wow. Little by little, she was tearing him apart. But damn if he didn't enjoy it sometimes.
Sitting across from her at the restaurant, he watched her look over the menu, completely engrossed in it. He knew she was looking for chicken. That was her new obsession these days. While he enjoyed her newfound zest for cooking, EVERYTHING was made with chicken. He figured they'd tried every chicken recipe in the book by now. He knew when they came out tonight that he was dying for red meat so it took him seconds to make a decision on his order.
When she'd finally settled on a baked chicken breast plate and the waiter had taken their orders, Tay wiped his palms on his pants as he prepared to open his mouth to speak, and then he stopped. Should he do this now? Should he wait until she'd eaten? No. He could use dinner to his advantage. She wouldn't dare storm out on him while dinner still wasn't on the table yet. It was kinda funny to think about, but he knew she loved this restaurant and he'd brought her here because she was less likely to create a scene and embarrass herself in there where the staff knew her.
So he took a deep breath and he went for it. "Look, Mel, I gotta tell you something."
Her eyes narrowed at him immediately. "I knew there was a catch. I knew it."
"No. No. Well, yes, but just--just hear me out, okay? Don't freak out. It's nothing bad, I promise."
She rested her elbows on the table. "Okay, then. I'm listening."
Tay let out a breath. "Um, okay. Here goes. So, I wanted to wait a little longer to tell you this, but it's not really feasible to wait anymore..."
"Okay..."
"You know the stuff I'm working on in New York? With Kari?"
"Yes..."
"We're getting married."
Mel gaped across the table at him. "You're marrying KARI?!"
Tay closed his eyes and shook his head. Shit! "No, no. No, I mean, WE'RE getting married. You and I."
Mel's arms relaxed and she took a drink of her water. "Well I thought that was kind of inevitable, seeing as I'm still wearing my ring."
Tay sighed, frustrated. "No. That's not what I mean. I mean, Kari is a wedding planner. And I have a wedding planned. For us. Me and you. It's all taken care of. Everything. We have a date, guests, a cake--everything. It's done. All you have to do it show up and marry me."
He'd gotten it out. He'd said it. Holy shit, he'd said it. Now what? He was dying.
Mel looked across the table at him in silence. She didn't utter a word and he couldn't read her face.
Tay didn't realize he'd been holding his breath until he let it out. She still continued to stare at him, speechless. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. "Mel? Sweetheart? Say something."
Hesitantly, she started to sputter her words. "Uh, well, um--uh--I--oh my god."
He searched her face desperately. Was this good or bad? Good or bad? Holy shit, he'd fucked up. He knew it.
She took a deep breath and collected her composure before she spoke. "I'm, uh, I'm not really sure how I feel about that. To be honest."
Holy shit. His mother had been right. He wasn't prepared enough for this reaction.
Mel continued. "Our wedding meant a lot to me. My marriage to you was my dream wedding. Marrying you was my dream, it was--something I always wanted to plan myself--"
"And you did."
She shook her head. "No. I didn't. We're getting married and I had absolutely no say in it whatsoever. You planned our wedding with another woman. My wedding is going to be the vision of another woman. I just--I don't--"
He reached across the table and took her hand. "No, see, that's just it. All she's doing is everything I told her to do. That's it. I took everything I could get from the first one we planned and put it into this one. It's going to be beautiful. You're still getting your wedding, it's just--modified a little."
Mel looked back at him and searched his eyes for a moment. "Why? Why did you do this?"
"Because I want to marry you."
"Why keep it such a big secret?"
"Because--" he paused and sighed. "Because I want to do this for you. With the first one you stressed so much over it and it was such a headache on you and--well, now that you're pregnant, I didn't want to put that on you again, especially after I just sprung the date on you and allowed all the plans to fall into your lap. That wasn't fair. And after we have the baby--when are we going to find time to get married?"
"But now you've sprung an entire wedding on me..."
Defeated, he sat back in his chair, wiping his palms on his pants. "Okay. I'll cancel it. No big deal. I'll cancel the whole thing and we can start over. I'm sorry, I just--I thought--"
"No," she blurted suddenly. "No, don't--don't cancel it..."
Tay looked back at her, afraid to respond. Afraid to provoke her.
"I'm just--the whole thing is a little shocking," she continued. "People just don't--they don't do these sort of things--"
"They aren't us."
Mel smiled and nodded, the first smile she'd cracked since he broke the news. "Well, that's for sure." Then she looked up at him. "So...what does this wedding entail?"
"Um, it's in New York."
"We're getting married in New York."
"Yes."
"And?"
"And you're gonna need a dress."
"And?"
"And that's it."
"Tay--"
"Look, just let me have this, okay? Just buy a dress and marry me. Okay?"
Mel's face began to turn red and a smile crept across her face as she bit her lip. THIS was the reaction he was hoping to get out of her. "So we're getting married?"
"Yes," he smiled.
"For real?"
"For real."
And then the waterworks started. Why should he expect any less? She stood from her chair and came around the table and he stood to meet her as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I love you so much," she cried into his neck. "I don't deserve you. I promise you that when I'm not pregnant anymore, I won't be so horrible to you."
A laugh escaped from his throat. "When you're not pregnant anymore?"
"I can't be held responsible for my actions these days, honestly. I do the best I can."
Tay nodded and hugged her back. "Okay. That's fair." He pulled away and took her face in his hands. "You know I love you more than anything in this world, right?"
She nodded. "If you didn't, you wouldn't take on all the crap you're having to take on at my expense."
"Well at least you're honest."
She scowled at him. "And you don't have to be SO honest sometimes."
He kissed her and then the food showed up and for the first five minutes of dinner, he didn't exist anymore. That was okay. What was important was that she was happy and he wasn't in the doghouse. For now, anyway.
-------------
Of course nothing can be perfect. Why should it? Why shouldn't Taylor be able to marry the woman of his dreams, become a father, build the perfect household, and have a successful job all at the same time? Why shouldn't he be able to live in a care-free world where all of his plans fall perfectly into place all the time, where he kept his fiancée constantly happy, and when shit surprises didn't spring up on him when he least expected it?
Like the next day after his meeting.
Kari had seemingly blown up his phone while he was in the meeting and he called her on the way home. "Taylor, I have bad news. The venue double booked on your wedding day."
"Bad news? That shouldn't be bad news for me."
"Well..."
"Well what? Was *I* the one who was double booked?"
"Unfortunately so."
"No," he said firmly. "Kari, no. THAT is where Mel and I are getting married and that's final. Fix this."
"Taylor, I've tried. I've begged and I've pleaded--"
"The goddamn address is One Hanson Place! It's a Hanson wedding! It's practically fate, they HAVE to let us get married there!"
"Taylor, I know. I've done everything and I've said everything. They're not budging. But I have another venue picked out--"
"No. I don't want another venue, I want THAT one. I've already told her. I told Mel last night--"
"Taylor," Kari said in disappointment. "We talked about that."
"It's okay. It's fine. But that venue has to happen. That's all there is to it. I'm coming to New York. Tomorrow, I'm coming tomorrow. I'll book my flight."
"Well, let's not get--"
"Clear your schedule tomorrow. I'll call you when I'm in town."
Tay hung up the phone and was seconds from hyperventilation. This couldn't be happening. This was NOT happening. Not when they were so close to the wedding. Not when he thought everything was perfect. Not after he told Mel that everything was already done.
As he pulled into the driveway, he attempted to calm himself a little. At least she would have good news for him when he came home. At least he had something to look forward to.
Walking in the house, he had to search for her until he found her in the nursery. For a moment, all his cares seemed to fade away at the sight of her in that room. He smiled and came behind her, sliding his hand around her until it rested on her stomach. "So?" He asked gently. "Are we having a son or a daughter?"
To his surprise, and to his dismay, Mel shrugged. "Don't know."
"What?"
"You weren't there today and I decided I didn't want to find out without you. We can find out any time we want to, but I thought about it and decided that I didn't want to know until it was born. It'll be fun to be surprised, right?"
Taylor was floored. He'd been looking forward to this day for weeks and it was bad enough he had to miss the appointment to begin with. Everything was just perfect last night. Just perfect. And now he had no wedding venue and a genderless baby. He desperately needed a beer.
As if she read his mind, she turned her head over her shoulder and asked him, "You want a beer?"
"Yes," he responded. "Oh please, god, yes."
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Alternate Jason chapter: http://tyamwedding.weebly.com/toxic-hollywood-alternate.html