FINDING THE LIGHT
JASON
For the next three days, Mel was gone. Lost. She had shut down. Verbally, emotionally--even physically. It drove Jason crazy, but he kept it together. He didn't know many of the details of her first miscarriage, but he did know that she was further along with this pregnancy than she had been the first one. And to see on that screen--it killed him to even remember it. For her to have to go through something like that--nobody should ever have to go through anything like that.
But shutting down wasn't good for her, either. For the first three days, Jason stayed by her side. She spent most of her time in bed, and so Jason lay right there by her side. Sometimes he held her. Sometimes he was just there.
He would talk to her even though she would never respond. He talked about everything he could think of. He reminisced of times they'd spent together, he reminisced about his childhood and growing up in Hawaii. He told her of onset hijinx and pranks he'd pulled on past costars. And sometimes he read to her. Magazines, recipes, short stories--anything he could find, he read to her. But there was nothing there. There was no getting to her.
By the fourth morning, he'd had enough. He couldn't bear to see her this way any longer and he finally let her know it. Sitting by her on the edge of the bed, he turned her over on her back to face him, knowing she'd already been awake for hours. "Mel," he said quietly. "Mel, look at me."
Her eyes blinked listlessly, but they met his and he was grateful for that. As he touched her cheek, he said to her, "Where are you? Where have you gone?"
Her only response was the blinking of her eyes.
"Come back to me," he pleaded quietly. "Mel, please come back to me. I need you. I need my Melokia. I need you to find your way back."
After a moment, he watched her eyes fill with tears and heard her swallow the lump that had apparently formed in her throat. He almost smiled, grateful. Then she sniffed and jerked herself away from him to turn over and curl up into her pillow. He sighed and shook his head. Fed up and frustrated, he then tucked both of his hands under her body and scooted her over to the other side of the bed.
For the first time in three days, he garnered a reaction out of her. Wide-eyed, she turned over to face him and objected. "What the fuck do you mean by this? That was incredibly rude!"
"Thought you could use the change in scenery," he said sarcastically as he kicked off his shoes and crawled in behind her.
Defiantly, she turned her back to him and pulled the cover tight over her shoulder.
"NO," he said to her sternly. He sat up and picked her up off of the bed, much to her vocal displeasure, and repositioned her where he could see her face. "No more. You WILL look at me and you will NOT hide your face anymore."
Blinking at him, still wide-eyed, her nostrils finally flared and she glared at him as she repositioned herself Indian-style and gathered the covers all around her lap. "WHAT do you want?"
Jason lay back down on his side and propped himself on his elbow as he looked up at her. "First of all, watch your tone with me. I haven't done anything to you. Secondly, and most importantly, start talking."
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Then maybe we need to find you someone you WILL talk to. Like maybe a support group or something."
"I don't need a fucking support group, Jason," she spat at him. "I don't need to sit there with a bunch of goddamn strangers, hearing everyone's goddamn sob stories when I don't even want to be in my own."
"Okay," he said. "Fair enough. So what's it gonna take?"
"What the fuck kind of question is that?"
"Look. I'm not trying to tell you what you should and shouldn't feel. And I'm not telling you not to grieve. But I AM telling you that what you're doing is NOT helping you."
"What the fuck do YOU know? Are you the one that miscarried? Are you the one who carried a dead baby around in your stomach for fuck knows how long? NO! So who the fuck are YOU to dictate how in the fuck I'm going to feel about something?!"
"You know what? Fine," he said, sitting up in the bed, positioning himself to face her. "You wanna get it out? Fine. Do it. You gotta take it out on something, right? Might as well be me. Go ahead. Let it out."
Mel looked up at him and blinked her eyes before glancing down at her hands. "I don't want to take it out on you," she said meekly. "It wasn't your fault."
He reached out and took her by the hand. "It wasn't anybody's fault," he said softly.
"That's what they said the first time," she said quietly. "I believed it the first time. But the second time? This can't just be a coincidence."
"Did you ever tell Taylor you were pregnant?"
Mel shook her head.
"You think you ought to tell him now?"
Her head jerked up and she narrowed her eyes at him. "And say what? 'Hey, Tay, I was pregnant with your kid, except that I killed it. Sorry, have a nice life.' I mean, seriously, why the fuck does have to know now? There's no baby!"
Jason shrugged and nodded. "Okay. Okay, I see your point." Then his voice softened. "Are you upset because it was his?"
She furrowed her brow. "No." Then she scoffed. "Kind of ironic, isn't it? He knocks me up twice and neither time I can carry it. Kinda makes me wonder if he ruined me."
"That's not true--"
"Isn't it? He didn't, like, poison my uterus with his demon sperm or some shit like that? I mean, something's gotta give. I can't--I can't even carry a child. I can't believe I'm going through this again. I'm useless, Jason. I'm useless. So fucking useless."
Mel started to cry and he pulled her over into his lap, holding her close to him. "You're not useless, gorgeous. Not even close."
She nodded into his chest. "I am. I really am. Jason, I--there's a chance I may not be able to carry children at all. I mean, if I can't carry twice in a row--what if I go to the doctor and they tell me it's a no-go for me? There's--I mean, what if--d--do you want children? Is this a deal-breaker for you, if it turns out I can't have kids?"
"No," he said gently. "If we have kids, we have kids. If we don't, we don't. We'll take it one day at a time, no big deal."
"I just--" She paused to sigh. "I'm scared now. I'm scared--I'm scared of the-the risk of getting pregnant. I'm scared of--"
"Sex?"
She looked up at him. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.
"It's not the end of the world," he said to her. "You'll come around. I'll be ready when you do and it'll be amazing just like it always is. I promise."
She sniffed and she fidgeted with her fingers. "You know, if you ever--if you ever really had to and you found someon--"
"You better not be say what I think you're about to say--"
"I'm just saying, I would understand. I wouldn't leave you."
He hugged her closer to him. "I'm going to ignore that insanity right now because I know you're under pressure and I'm just gonna chalk it up to that. You worry too much and you over-analyze too much. And we're getting off the subject anyway. The point is, I understand you're grieving. And if you need some time alone in the quiet sometimes, then so be it. But don't shut me out. Don't shut out life. Whether you like it or not, you need to talk to someone. And you need to get out and live life again. Like I said, I'm not telling you it's not okay to grieve. Because it is. But you need to take care of you, too. And this laying around and moping isn't healthy. Okay? I miss you."
She pulled away and looked up at him. "I miss me, too."
He smiled down at her.
"And I want to go home."
"Home? That apartment's not ready--"
"To Tulsa. To my mom."
Admittedly, his heart sank. "Oh. Um, okay. When are you leaving?"
"You mean when are WE leaving?"
"You want me to come with you?"
"Why wouldn't I?" Then she sighed. "I--I want to see my parents. And--and I have some loose ends I need to tie up. I have a house and part of a company to sell off..."
"You haven't talked to him about us yet, have you?"
Mel looked ashamed. "Do I owe him an explanation?"
"I think it would be the right thing to do before it's all over the news. Mel, I don't--I don't lead a normal lifestyle. I wish I did, but I don't. I can't stay tucked away in a small town in Midwest America. There are cameras in my face with every move I make and every corner I turn--and now they're gonna be in your face, too. And I think--well, I think given your history with him and--well, how quickly things have progressed--that he deserves to know from you first."
"Will it--will it bother you if I talk to him?"
Jason shook his head. "No. Not at all."
"Okay," she said. "So, um...so who would I talk to about this sort of thing? This--this dead baby miscarriage thing?"
"You really want to?"
She nodded. "I think I maybe should."
"Okay. We'll make an appointment as soon as possible."
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Two days later, on a sunny, late September day, Mel barged into the apartment and threw her purse furiously into the floor. She had just come from her first therapy session and she obviously wasn't thrilled with the outcome. At her outburst, Jason, who'd been reading over a script he'd recently received, straightened up on the sofa and looked up at her. "Holy shit, are you okay?'
"No, I am NOT okay," she spat at him, her hands on her hips. "She wants to see me for the next four weeks! FOUR weeks, Jason! Four weeks!"
"Um...all I did was make the appointment for you--"
"You didn't tell me you were making an appointment with the goddamn spawn of Satan!"
"Mel, Jesus. Calm down. Please." Clearing his paperwork from beside him, he patted the cushion and motioned her over. "Come here. Let me talk to you for a minute."
Glaring at him, she did as he said. It didn't matter what kind of mood she was in or how pissed off at the world she was. He knew she couldn't resist him and he chose that moment to take full advantage of it. Sitting next to him, she crossed her arms over her chest as he put an arm around her. "What's going on?"
"I didn't really want to come home to that question, considering I just spent an entire hour with it."
"Stop fighting me. I'm not the enemy here. I'm on your side."
Mel sighed. "This isn't me. This isn't--I didn't used to be this way. I used to be independent and strong and--I could do anything. Now it's, like, all I do is kill babies and cry and get in fights and make all the wrong decisions--"
He looked down at her. "What wrong decisions?"
She looked up at him and patted his hand. "Not you. I don't mean you. I just mean in general. Back in the day--hell, even back when you first met me--I had my shit together. Mostly. I had a home and a job and a life--but now I just--I don't know anything anymore. I am not this person. And I don't know how to go back to that. I feel like I've been broken. And ruined. I lost my way somewhere and--I just don't know what to do."
"First of all, don't you ever worry about where your 'way' is. As long as you're with me, you'll never want or need for anything. Ever. I won't let it happen. And second, Mel--you've never lost who you are. You're the same person you were when I met you. I fell for you then, I love you even more now. And so you've hit a few bumps in the road, so what? It only makes you stronger. But you can't always do it alone. I really think that if you go to your therapist with an open mind, instead of fighting it, that you'll really start to feel better. She's there to help you, not to work against you."
"But she wants to see me for four weeks," Mel objected. "Four weeks. I want to go home, I want to see my parents, I want--I want out of this apartment, out of this life--out of this city."
"But you love New York."
"I do. But I feel like such a prisoner right now. I feel so stuffed up here and trapped. I feel like I can't get out."
"And you're upset because you feel like therapy has trapped you here."
"Yes."
"Well. Then you gotta ask yourself--do you want to feel better or do you want to be miserable in a different location?"
Jason felt Mel's body go limp and shrink down under his arm. Score one for him.
"Good things come to those who wait," he continued. Then he leaned down into her ear. "We're living proof of that. And anyway, you don't really want to see your mom while you're in the state you're in, do you?"
She sighed and looked up at him. "Jason. Do you think I'm crazy?"
He looked down at her and chuckled. "No. You're not crazy. However, sometimes, as humans, we just gotta take a moment to regroup and then get back out there. That's all this is. I promise."
She smiled, causing a grin to spread across Jason's face. "I do love you," she said.
Jason kissed her forehead and pulled her close to him.
"Um, you think it would be okay to use your phone to call my mom?"
"Yeah, of course," he said, handing it to her. "Where's yours?"
"Um...not charged..."
"When's the last time you charged your phone?"
"I don't know..."
"Are you serious?"
"Well--I mean, have I really needed it?"
"You don't want to get calls from your mother? Or even your new landlord, whenever they contact you about the apartment?"
Mel sighed.
"You're avoiding Taylor, aren't you?"
"He probably hasn't called anyway."
"You haven't talked to him. He doesn't know about us, he doesn't know you're moving out of the apartment, he doesn't know you're selling the house."
"Pretty sure I told him I was selling the house awhile back." Then she turned to him and eyed him. "Why are you so hell-bent on my talking to him?"
"Because I want everything to be right for you. I don't want you to have to worry or stress over anything. You said so yourself, it's not who you are. I just want you to be happy. Unfortunately, that includes tying up loose ends."
"Um, I'm gonna go call my mother," she said, getting up and going into the bedroom.
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MEL
Mel never thought she'd say it, but Jason was really grating on her nerves lately. He always seemed to have something to say about everything. About what she should think, how she should feel. She sighed at the thought. He was right, though. About all of it. She wanted desperately to just be happy and carefree again, but she had to go through the motions to get there. He was only trying to help and she knew it. If it weren't for him, she'd still be laid up in the bed feeling sorry for herself. Maybe it wasn't him that was grating on her nerves--maybe she was getting on her own nerves by resisting everyone and everything that was trying to help her--like she always did. Maybe she was lost because she created her own misery. Had that been her problem all these years?
Mel winced in anticipation at her mother's outburst when she answered the phone. "Hey, sweetie, how is she?"
"Mom?"
"Melody? Is that you?"
"Yeah, it's me."
"Oh my god, sweetie! Why are you calling me from Jason's phone?"
Mel was momentarily confused. "How do you know I'm calling from Jason's phone?"
"Where's yours?"
"I don't know...I haven't charged it for...I don't know how long."
"I know! Nobody's heard from you, nobody's been able to reach you! I've been worried sick!"
"Nobody's been--you're the only one who's been trying to reach me, I'm sure."
"Taylor has blown up my phone several times a day, all week long, asking if I've heard from you."
"Taylor can go to hell."
"He's concerned about you, just like your father and I are."
"Oh, please, Mother, he knows where the hell I am! He knows where to find me! I haven't heard from him in almost a month and if he REALLY wanted to get ahold of me, he could have come here! He knew it and he still didn't budge!"
"Melody! Don't you take that tone with me, I'm simply telling you what's been going on around here. Besides, you could have come home just the same."
"No, I couldn't. And besides, he's--he's too late. It's too late."
"I know," her mother said softly.
This caught Mel off guard. "You do?"
"Yeah, honey. I know. Everybody knows it."
"Knows what...?"
"When you hang around a man like Jason, things don't stay secret for long."
She sighed. "Yeah, except from me. Great..."
"He called me."
"Who called you?"
"Jason."
"When?"
"When, uh, you were having your procedure."
Mel sighed again, frustrated. "God--goddammit! Why in the hell--?"
"Because you wouldn't have done it. Melody, he did it with your best interests at heart. He's a good man."
"Did he tell you it was Tay's demon sperm that did it?"
"A slightly different version of that, yes. He told me everything. It broke my heart."
Mel scoffed. "You should have been there."
"I wasn't. But Jason was. And you should probably watch the way you treat him."
"What--?"
"I know you. I know how you are, I know how you react to things. But that man loves you, he is good to you, and everything he does, he does with you in mind first. Men like that don't come around very often."
"Why didn't you ever say anything like that about Tay?"
Susan sighed. "This one's different. This one's the one."
"And Tay wasn't?"
"Sweetheart, I think your relationship with Taylor ran its course long ago. I think you both knew it and didn't want to admit it. I think that's what the problems in your relationship were. I always knew you loved Jason, even if you didn't realize it. I knew it the first weekend he came to visit." Mel heard the smile in her mother's voice. "You never could hide your face around him. And he looked at you with stars in his eyes."
Mel found herself smiling into the phone, grateful to have someone who understood, even just a little. "Mom, do you think I'm crazy? I mean, Tay and I haven't been apart very long and now I've already--Jason and I are together now, and--I mean, how bad does that look?"
"The way it LOOKS isn't anybody's business. All that matters is what the people involved know is the truth. You've loved each other for a long, long time. So it hasn't been your time until now. So what? Sometimes it takes a major event to open one's eyes. Love doesn't know time or distance or-or anything like that. It is what it is and if you love each other, you love each other. Just do yourself a favor--don't love him with your mind. Love him with your heart. I know you do. He may seem like a strong and confident man, but he needs you, maybe more than you need him."
"I don't see--"
"He and I had a long heart-to-heart while you were out of commission. The poor guy, bless him. He poured his heart out to me. He was at a loss and so devastated, he had no idea what to do about you and the way you were shutting him out or anything. I think he called me out of desperation. Mel, he loves you so much. Treat him right."
"Are you saying I'm some kind of heartless bitch?"
"I'm saying you're used to it being all about you. Except that it's not anymore. Think about that."
"I know. I know you're right. I just--I HAVE to get out of this funk. I have to. And I want to come home, but I'm in therapy now and they have me--they want to see me for the next four weeks and--I'm so damn stressed out."
"You're not the only one."
"I get it, I get it. I gotta make it up to him."
"I don't know if there's anything to make up, but he needs to know you appreciate him."
"Did he lament to you or something?"
"No. I don't think he'll ever do that. I just know you, that's all."
Mel was silent for a moment as she took in her mother's words. Then she inquired, "So, um, everybody knows, huh?"
"Yep."
"Tay, too?"
"Yep."
"I screwed up there, didn't I?"
"Little bit, yeah."
"Jason's been pressuring me to tell him before it got out...I mean, shit, it's not even publicly confirmed yet."
"You need to talk to him, Mel."
"I know. I'll get to it. One step at a time. Right now, um...I think I need to go appreciate Jason a little bit..."
"Melody! Don't be so vulgar!"
Mel laughed at her mother as they both hung up the phone. Putting it down, she looked around the room and sighed. She had to admit, she felt a little better. Her mother was right. Jason was right. All she had to do was open up and invite the help in and she could start to heal. She could finally be happy.
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JASON
Jason had settled back into his original position with his script in front of his face. "You wanna play a game?" Mel's voice came from the living room doorway.
At the sound, he looked up and found her leaning against the doorway. He lowered the booklet and took off his glasses, laying them on the end table. "Okay. I'm intrigued..."
Biting her lip and smiling, she walked over to where he was sitting and stood before him, her hands behind her back. "I lost your phone."
The expression left his face in a split second and his heart pounded. "What?"
Appearing amused by his sudden change in attitude, she leaned over and ran her hands up his thighs. "Your phone is lost...somewhere on my body. Wanna help me look for it?"
The erection that grew in his pants was instantaneous. It always was with her. Happy to oblige in her little game, he narrowed his eyes, the corners of his mouth turning up. "You remember the last place you saw it?"
She shook her head slowly. "Nope." Climbing onto his lap, one knee at a time, she smiled seductively. "I have no idea where it went. It just...vanished..."
"Uh-huh..." His hands ran up her sides through her dress. "You know, there aren't many places for a phone to hide in that tiny dress you're wearing. I love when you wear these tiny dresses."
"Oh really?"
"Oh yeah."
Wrapping a small hand around his jaw, she held his head in place as she kissed him, a light whimper escaping her throat as he grabbed her ass with both hands and pulled her firmly against him. He didn't feel panty lines and it was all he could do to keep still. When she finally let him come up for air, he looked up at her as she smiled down at him. "I think I lied," she breathed.
"You think? Do you have any idea what I would do to you if you lied to me?"
She bit her lip and smiled. "As much as I'd love to find out, I wasn't finished. I know where it is."
Wordlessly, she slid both of her legs off of him, one-by-one, and proceeded to slide her body down his, stopping on the floor between his legs. His heart pounded in anticipation as she unbuttoned his pants. Within seconds, she had wrapped her mouth around him and he sucked in a breath through his teeth and let it out through his throat, letting his head fall back on the back of the sofa. With her hand at the bottom and her mouth at the top, he knew he wouldn't last long. He reached down and gripped a tight fistful of her hair as she worked on him and he bit his lip, his breathing becoming more and more desperate.
She began to speed up and it sent him to the edge. Feeling himself quickly losing control, he started to whisper, "Mel. Mel, stop. Baby, stop."
Either she didn't hear him or she chose not to listen because in the next moment, he came, her hair still in his fist in the exact same position. Catching his breath, he released her hair, shocked with himself. He wasn't necessarily a prick like that, just assuming a woman swallowed, but dammit, he'd warned her and she didn't move...
Looking down at her, he watched her stand up, her short sun dress falling loosely around her thighs and she looked him in the eye as she wiped her bottom lip with her finger and then inserted said finger flirtatiously into her mouth. The act stunned him and he was even more stunned that he wasn't already hard again. This kind of kinky shit was one of the many reasons he knew they were made for each other. And then, without a word, she turned her back and began to walk away.
Finally coming to his senses, he jumped up and put himself back together, zipping his pants. "Wait, wh-where are you going?"
Looking over her shoulder, she smiled. "To get ready. We're going to dinner tonight."
He could only look on as she disappeared into the guest room where she had now taken up residence. He knew right then that she had single-handedly taken back control of their relationship.
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MEL
Dinner that night had turned into dinner and drinks. Mel was desperate to get her mind on anything other than that day's stresses, so when Jason got a text about meeting up with a few friends at a bar downtown, she was more than happy to accompany him.
When she discovered that his friends wanted to meet at Mayahuel in the East Village, she was excited. She hadn't been in years! She wondered if it was still run by the same staff...
"This place doesn't have a dress code or anything, does it?" Jason asked, interrupting her thoughts as they walked down the sidewalk in downtown Manhattan.
Mel glanced down at her chosen wardrobe. Down at her subtly metallic, dark gray leggings, her black stiletto boots that slouched at the shins, and the black, oversized cardigan sweater that barely reached her thighs. Remembering Mayahuel, she smiled. "Nope. No dress code. And since when do you worry about stuff like that anyway?"
Mel looked up and down at Jason in his jeans and his hunter green Henley shirt. He was learning the Henley thing fast. Simple was sexy to her and Jason wore it well.
It was no coincidence that he continually let his hand fall as far as it would reach down her back. They'd been making playful passes at each other all night and she knew she would surely wear him out when they got home. Sure, she'd already pleasured him once that day but she could never keep her hands off him. The freedom to be able to touch him whenever she wanted was the most exhilarating feeling she'd felt in a long time. For the first time since she'd professed her love for him, she finally felt free--a feeling she'd been longing to feel for years.
Mayahuel was a Mexican-themed bar that served Mexican appetizers. From stepping up to the dungeon-esque front door, to passing through the downstairs bar, to walking upstairs into what appeared to be the devil's lair, Mel suddenly remembered why she used to love this place so much and had become keenly aware of Jason's tightened grip on her waist as he walked behind her.
Stopping to look around the room upstairs, their eyes grazed over the black walls and the red, stained-glass windows as they spied a small group waving at them from one of the black, high-backed booths in the corner. The group, three men and a woman, scooted themselves over as Mel and Jason approached and introductions went quickly. Mel thought she recognized a couple of the guys, but she couldn't be sure. All she knew was that two of them were old stunt buddies and the other one was a food critic who had brought along his supermodel wife, Jill. Mel smiled across the small cocktail table at Jill and liked her immediately. As she lit up a cigarette, she shook her blunt chestnut bangs from her brow and smiled her red lips at Mel. Suddenly pulling her closer, Jason leaned into Mel's ear and said quietly, "Be careful of that one. She goes both ways and I'm pretty sure she likes what she sees right now."
Mel felt herself quickly began to blush as she turned her face into him. "What? No she doesn't..."
"Can't say I blame her," he responded, his hand sliding across her thigh.
The chills down Mel's spine were interrupted by the surprising sound of Jill's Russian accent from across the way. "The two of you are an extremely sexy couple." As Mel looked up at her, Jill's red lips took a slow drag from her cigarette.
Saved by the waitress, whose shirt conveniently hung VERY low, Mel smiled up at her once she got past her chest. "A La Vida Rosa and a Chelada, please."
The waitress craned her neck to see around Mel. "And for you, sir--?"
"The Chelada is for him," Mel spoke up loudly. "Thank you."
Behind her, Jason was snickering. Turning around to face him, she widened her eyes. "What?"
"Holy shit, baby, you shut her DOWN," he laughed. "She's probably going to the back to cry now. What did you order for me?"
"Beer," she answered simply.
"That's my girl."
As they waited for their drinks, Jason laughed and cut up with the men while Jill smiled across the table at Mel. Then she patted the seat beside her. "Come, sit by me. We can girl talk while the men--talk about whatever it is men talk about."
Reluctantly, she did as Jill said, Jason's words still ringing loudly in her ear. As Mel took a seat beside her, she caught Jason's eye from across the table and he straightened up a little bit, crossing his ankle over his knee. As he winked at her, she looked over at Jill. "So, um, is that a Russian accent I hear?"
"Bulgarian," she answered.
"Oh," Mel said, embarrassed. "I'm sorry..."
"It's okay," Jill smiled. "Most Americans can't tell the difference."
"So, um, how did you end up in New York?"
Jill took another drag of her cigarette and blew the smoke into the air, smiling. "I was in the country only temporarily. I walked in a runway show and I met Tony at the after party. He took me home, we had crazy wild sex and then he cooked me dinner. I fell in love." Jill paused, moving herself closer to Mel. "When did you fall in love with Jason?"
Mel caught herself sighing as she looked across the table at Jason as he animatedly caught up with his old friends. "Here in New York. A few years ago. In my dead husband's Brownstone..."
Jill laughed and nudged Mel's shoulder with hers. "Well that's an interesting arrangement. And did you, also, have crazy wild sex together?"
Mel felt herself blushing once again as she remembered the first time he'd seen her naked and found the pistol strapped to her leg. What he did with it was the most erotic thing she had ever had happen to her. She looked over at Jill and scrunched her nose up as she nodded. "SO amazing!" she confessed. Then she uncontrollably giggled.
Jill laughed with her. "Good sex is important, yes?"
At that moment, the drinks approached. Mel found herself with her eyes on the waitress as she served Jason his beer. She didn't like her. She didn't know her, but she didn't like her. There was no reason for her to lean over the way she did...
As if reading her mind, Jill's Bulgarian accent said dryly, "If she falls over him any more, her tits are going to pop out of that shirt."
"Tell me about it," Mel muttered.
Jason smiled across the table at Mel as he picked up his beer. She smiled back, longing to be next to him again, but she didn't want to be rude to Jill. Then, to Mel's surprise, Jill's hand found its way to her thigh. "What kind of material are these leggings? It feels exquisite."
Mel felt the blood drain from her face as Jill's red nails stroked her upper thigh listlessly. She swallowed a lump in her throat as she anxiously reached for her cocktail. "Um, I'm not entirely sure...just bought them cause I liked them..."
"Well it feels amazing," Jill said, hissing in Mel's ear. Mel's spine tingled and she instantly felt ashamed as she glanced up at Jason. He wasn't paying attention. He couldn't save her. She fought to figure a way out of this eloquently.
"Have you ever been...turned on...by another woman?" Jill asked quietly in Mel's ear. Her hand left Mel's thigh and began to graze her unnoticeably in other areas around her waist and her back.
Mel stumbled over her words, nervously tucking her hair behind her ear, unable to meet Jill's eyes. She was ashamed to admit it--even to herself--but the things Jill did to her did turn her on, at least a little bit. "Um, uh...I can honestly say I don't think I've ever found myself in that kind of situation before..."
"Consider yourself in one."
"Jilly! Dollface!" Tony's voice rang out over the table and Mel had never been more overcome with relief. "Just because one of our friends brings a woman around, doesn't mean she's fair game for you."
Jill leaned over toward her husband. "Oh, but honey bun, I was only having a bit of fun."
Mel took this opportunity to grab her drink and dart back over to a chuckling Jason. Taking her place safely in the crook of his arm, he rested his arm around her shoulder. "I saw your face over there," he teased her quietly where no one else could hear him.
"I thought you weren't--"
"I watched the whole thing."
"I, uh, hadn't realized..."
"She turned you on, didn't she?"
The question made Mel freeze and Jason chuckled again. "Relax, I can feel how tense you are. It's okay. I'm not mad. It's actually kinda hot watching everyone fall all over you like that. Men...women..."
Mel blushed and turned her face to him shyly. "Jeez, Jason, you say that like I'm some kind of--"
"You are," he finished. "And you're the only one who can't see it. I can't wrap my head around that, but it is what it is."
"Um, I didn't realize you were into that sort of thing. Women on women..."
"It's not normally my thing. I mean, I'm not rushing out to talk you into a threesome or anything. I'm a one-woman man. But that display I just saw--you trying to hide your feelings over there--that was hot."
"You just get kinkier and kinkier, don't you?" she whispered.
Jason threw his head back and scoffed, thoroughly amused. Then he lowered his voice again. "Because what you did to me today wasn't?"
"It wasn't THAT kinky..."
"It was enough for me to still be thinking about it."
"I want to kiss you right now," Mel whispered. "But everyone is watching. And I'm afraid if I do, I might climb all over you right here and now."
Jason smiled. "If I wasn't a respectable man, I wouldn't give a shit."
She smiled up at him teasingly. "Respectable? Who in the hell ever told you you were respectable?"
"It's an ongoing struggle every day."
"Well don't struggle TOO much."
Grinning, he hooked his arm around her neck and brought her closer to him. Touching his face, she brought it toward hers and kissed him, instantly unable to get enough. The fight she had with herself was unbearable. Her tongue had barely grazed his when he pulled away and nudged her nose with his. "I love you, gorgeous," he whispered.
She smiled up at him, her hormones sobering up. "I love you, too."
"I love hearing you say that."
"Are we gonna start getting sappy now? Is that who we're turning into?"
Jason chuckled loudly. "Sounds like it's going that way, doesn't it?"
"Can't say I'm ashamed..."
"Neither am I."
They were interrupted by the waitress approaching the table again. Mel had to blink and look around a little bit to bring herself back to reality. When you found yourself trapped in your own world momentarily, the coming out of it tended to disorient you some. When Mel finally cleared her head, she remembered that she hated this waitress. And she still did. As her busty cleavage fought to break through her shirt, Mel glanced back at Jason, who seemed to be in conversation with the guy beside him. She smiled at her small victory that he wasn't paying a bit of attention to the wench, no matter how hard she eyed him. Feeling vindictive, Mel turned around and delicately laid her hand on Jason's chest, immediately commanding his attention. "Baby, do you want another beer?"
"Yeah," he answered. "Yeah, that would be great."
Mel smiled up at the wench--the waitress. "Another beer please. And I'll have another La Vida Rosa, please. Anyone need anything else?"
The rest of the party put in their orders and the waitress was sent on her way. As Jason went back to his conversation, Mel and Jill smiled at each other across the table again. "What a whore," Jill said. Mel found herself laughing.
After the next round of drinks came, Mel excused herself to go to the restroom, Jill following close behind. Minutes later, as they approached their table again, the women stopped to stare at the waitress who had returned to their table. Mel looked at Jill. "Did we not JUST order another round? Surely it's not time to order another one."
Jill sneered as they looked on. "She only came over to talk to Jason. I can see it. Is she looking at my Tony? No. Is she looking at the other two? No. That whore has been after your lover all night, like she thinks she's going to get her hands on any of that."
"I'll kill her..."
"I know many good attorneys."
"What's on that tray in her hand?"
"Shots? Cocktails? I don't know. Looks like she found herself an excuse. Convenient how she comes over as soon as you go to bathroom."
Glaring at the back of the waitress's head, Mel and Jill made their way back to the table. Jill returned to her seat. Mel wedged herself past the waitress and parked herself expertly on Jason's knee right in front of her. "Here's a tip for you, princess," Mel said, looking her directly in the eye. "It isn't necessary to act like a whore in order to sell drinks."
"Excuse me?" she said.
"You heard me. People come here to drink, they're gonna buy it regardless of whether your tits are hanging out or whether you're flirting with them or not. I'm not sure what pole you climbed down from, but it's obvious that you either haven't been paying attention to his drink order or you've found yourself an excuse to come back over here because I can guarantee you he's not gonna drink any of the girlie shit you've got on that tray there."
The waitress rolled her eyes. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
Mel stood to confront her. "What I MEAN is that you better stay the fuck off my man unless you're planning on bringing him something he's actually gonna drink."
Speechless, the waitress turned and walked away. While the rest of the table howled with laughter, Mel realized what she'd just done and she turned around to Jason, wide-eyed. "I am so sorry," she said.
"Come here," he said, pulling her back onto his knee.
"I'm sorry," she said again. "I know you said for me not to be so jea--"
"That was hot as hell," he whispered.
Mel was completely confused and she looked at him as such. "But--but you said--"
"I know what I said. And sometimes...I don't know. I mean, she was a little pushy but the way you handled it...like, I'm your MAN. And forgive me for being sappy, but I'm good with that."
"Are you giving me permission to beat her ass?" she asked hopefully.
"No."
"Damn."
"One small victory at a time."
Mel smiled and shook her head as a new voice approached the table. "Is there a problem here?"
Turning around, Mel smiled at the man in the jeans and sport coat standing at their booth. "Stan?"
Stan looked at her and grinned back. "Mel? Mel Bradshaw, is that you? Holy shit, it's been years!"
She stood up and hugged him to greet him. "Well, I'm not a Bradshaw anymore. Went back to Banks. But it's so good to see you, I can't believe you're still running this place!"
"Yeah, well, business is good. John would be proud."
Mel nodded. "He definitely would be." Then she stepped out of the way. "Stan, this is my boyfriend, Jason. Jason, this is Stan. He and John used to own this place together."
Jason stood and shook Stan's hand. "Own it, huh?"
"Well, John was more like a silent partner..."
Stan smiled. "Jason Kamealoha, right? I'm a huge fan. Love your work."
"Thank you. Good to meet you."
After introductions went around the table, Mel said to Stan, "Stan, I do have a problem. Since when did you guys start hiring hookers to sell your drinks?"
Stan nearly choked at her question. "Do what?"
"Come now, Stan. The girl who was assigned our table tonight? Her boobs are all over the place and she's been openly lusting after Jason all night, and honestly, it's a gross and disrespectful display. This isn't you, Stan. What happened?"
"Well, yanno, they seem to bring in the younger crowds..."
"This is a classy establishment. What do you think John would say right now?"
"Ah, come on. You gonna hold that against me?"
"This is the first time I've been here in years and the first night I'm back, I gotta fight a bitch off my man? You know what I'm capable of, Stan. I haven't been on the force for years but some things are just like riding a bike. You know that."
"Yeah, yeah. I know. I know your temper, I remember. Hell, Melody, the entire NYPD remembers. I'll deal with it."
"Send her back to the strip club."
Stan laughed. "I said I'll deal with it. But in the meantime I'll either get you another girl or bring you drinks myself. That good with you?"
"Why don't you sit and have a drink with us?" Mel suggested.
"Now what kinda example you think I'd be setting for my staff if I did that?"
Mel smiled. "Yeah, you're right."
As Stan left the table, Mel sat down to a table full of eyes. "What?"
"It's always good to know somebody, huh?" Tony said, raising his glass.
"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I guess. Um, my late husband, John--he and Stan and I used to be with the NYPD together. Then some shit went down, fucked with Stan's head. He left the force, but he still has a lot of friends. Anyway, he wanted to go into business, John wanted to help him out." She looked around. "Glad to see he's still doing well."
Jason rubbed Mel's knee as he listened. "Yeah, but if John was a partner--wouldn't you be now that he's gone? You know, since you inherited it all?"
"Yeah, I would be." Then she laughed. "Could you see it? Me running a bar? The cops would be here every day. But no, once Stan started turning a profit, he bought John out. John was only involved for the first couple of years...not even that, really..."
"You ready to call it a night?" Jason asked softly.
Mel looked around one last time before she took a deep breath. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I am. It's getting pretty late."
As Mel and Jason said their goodbyes, they found themselves hand-in-hand walking down the dark East Village street. "So, um, did that talk about John make you uncomfortable?" Mel asked.
"No," he responded, shaking his head. "Not at all. I just didn't want YOU to be uncomfortable. You know, bringing back old memories and stuff."
Mel shook her head, too. "Nah. The memories I have here--from before--they're good ones. I got closure when John came back and said goodbye--crazy as that whole ordeal was. I'm at peace with that part of my life. I think that's why New York keeps bringing me back. It gives me peace." Then she looked up at him. "And so do you."
Stopping him in the street, she turned to face him. "Tonight was...interesting. And I apologize for embarrassing you. I'm really trying to work on that--"
Jason laughed. "You didn't embarrass me. I promise."
"Well. Even still, I just--I don't ever want to disappoint you. And I know I don't say it near often enough, but I am so, SO proud of you. I'm proud to be yours. I'm proud to call you mine. You make me feel whole. And I haven't felt that for a very long time."
"You have no idea what that means to me," he responded softly.
"Thank you. For always being there. For always being my rock. For always loving me. Thank you for never giving up."
He pulled her closer to him and swept her hair from her face. "You saved my life," he whispered.
"I think we saved each other."
-----------
Later that night, much later that night, Mel had her first nightmare.
JASON
For the next three days, Mel was gone. Lost. She had shut down. Verbally, emotionally--even physically. It drove Jason crazy, but he kept it together. He didn't know many of the details of her first miscarriage, but he did know that she was further along with this pregnancy than she had been the first one. And to see on that screen--it killed him to even remember it. For her to have to go through something like that--nobody should ever have to go through anything like that.
But shutting down wasn't good for her, either. For the first three days, Jason stayed by her side. She spent most of her time in bed, and so Jason lay right there by her side. Sometimes he held her. Sometimes he was just there.
He would talk to her even though she would never respond. He talked about everything he could think of. He reminisced of times they'd spent together, he reminisced about his childhood and growing up in Hawaii. He told her of onset hijinx and pranks he'd pulled on past costars. And sometimes he read to her. Magazines, recipes, short stories--anything he could find, he read to her. But there was nothing there. There was no getting to her.
By the fourth morning, he'd had enough. He couldn't bear to see her this way any longer and he finally let her know it. Sitting by her on the edge of the bed, he turned her over on her back to face him, knowing she'd already been awake for hours. "Mel," he said quietly. "Mel, look at me."
Her eyes blinked listlessly, but they met his and he was grateful for that. As he touched her cheek, he said to her, "Where are you? Where have you gone?"
Her only response was the blinking of her eyes.
"Come back to me," he pleaded quietly. "Mel, please come back to me. I need you. I need my Melokia. I need you to find your way back."
After a moment, he watched her eyes fill with tears and heard her swallow the lump that had apparently formed in her throat. He almost smiled, grateful. Then she sniffed and jerked herself away from him to turn over and curl up into her pillow. He sighed and shook his head. Fed up and frustrated, he then tucked both of his hands under her body and scooted her over to the other side of the bed.
For the first time in three days, he garnered a reaction out of her. Wide-eyed, she turned over to face him and objected. "What the fuck do you mean by this? That was incredibly rude!"
"Thought you could use the change in scenery," he said sarcastically as he kicked off his shoes and crawled in behind her.
Defiantly, she turned her back to him and pulled the cover tight over her shoulder.
"NO," he said to her sternly. He sat up and picked her up off of the bed, much to her vocal displeasure, and repositioned her where he could see her face. "No more. You WILL look at me and you will NOT hide your face anymore."
Blinking at him, still wide-eyed, her nostrils finally flared and she glared at him as she repositioned herself Indian-style and gathered the covers all around her lap. "WHAT do you want?"
Jason lay back down on his side and propped himself on his elbow as he looked up at her. "First of all, watch your tone with me. I haven't done anything to you. Secondly, and most importantly, start talking."
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Then maybe we need to find you someone you WILL talk to. Like maybe a support group or something."
"I don't need a fucking support group, Jason," she spat at him. "I don't need to sit there with a bunch of goddamn strangers, hearing everyone's goddamn sob stories when I don't even want to be in my own."
"Okay," he said. "Fair enough. So what's it gonna take?"
"What the fuck kind of question is that?"
"Look. I'm not trying to tell you what you should and shouldn't feel. And I'm not telling you not to grieve. But I AM telling you that what you're doing is NOT helping you."
"What the fuck do YOU know? Are you the one that miscarried? Are you the one who carried a dead baby around in your stomach for fuck knows how long? NO! So who the fuck are YOU to dictate how in the fuck I'm going to feel about something?!"
"You know what? Fine," he said, sitting up in the bed, positioning himself to face her. "You wanna get it out? Fine. Do it. You gotta take it out on something, right? Might as well be me. Go ahead. Let it out."
Mel looked up at him and blinked her eyes before glancing down at her hands. "I don't want to take it out on you," she said meekly. "It wasn't your fault."
He reached out and took her by the hand. "It wasn't anybody's fault," he said softly.
"That's what they said the first time," she said quietly. "I believed it the first time. But the second time? This can't just be a coincidence."
"Did you ever tell Taylor you were pregnant?"
Mel shook her head.
"You think you ought to tell him now?"
Her head jerked up and she narrowed her eyes at him. "And say what? 'Hey, Tay, I was pregnant with your kid, except that I killed it. Sorry, have a nice life.' I mean, seriously, why the fuck does have to know now? There's no baby!"
Jason shrugged and nodded. "Okay. Okay, I see your point." Then his voice softened. "Are you upset because it was his?"
She furrowed her brow. "No." Then she scoffed. "Kind of ironic, isn't it? He knocks me up twice and neither time I can carry it. Kinda makes me wonder if he ruined me."
"That's not true--"
"Isn't it? He didn't, like, poison my uterus with his demon sperm or some shit like that? I mean, something's gotta give. I can't--I can't even carry a child. I can't believe I'm going through this again. I'm useless, Jason. I'm useless. So fucking useless."
Mel started to cry and he pulled her over into his lap, holding her close to him. "You're not useless, gorgeous. Not even close."
She nodded into his chest. "I am. I really am. Jason, I--there's a chance I may not be able to carry children at all. I mean, if I can't carry twice in a row--what if I go to the doctor and they tell me it's a no-go for me? There's--I mean, what if--d--do you want children? Is this a deal-breaker for you, if it turns out I can't have kids?"
"No," he said gently. "If we have kids, we have kids. If we don't, we don't. We'll take it one day at a time, no big deal."
"I just--" She paused to sigh. "I'm scared now. I'm scared--I'm scared of the-the risk of getting pregnant. I'm scared of--"
"Sex?"
She looked up at him. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.
"It's not the end of the world," he said to her. "You'll come around. I'll be ready when you do and it'll be amazing just like it always is. I promise."
She sniffed and she fidgeted with her fingers. "You know, if you ever--if you ever really had to and you found someon--"
"You better not be say what I think you're about to say--"
"I'm just saying, I would understand. I wouldn't leave you."
He hugged her closer to him. "I'm going to ignore that insanity right now because I know you're under pressure and I'm just gonna chalk it up to that. You worry too much and you over-analyze too much. And we're getting off the subject anyway. The point is, I understand you're grieving. And if you need some time alone in the quiet sometimes, then so be it. But don't shut me out. Don't shut out life. Whether you like it or not, you need to talk to someone. And you need to get out and live life again. Like I said, I'm not telling you it's not okay to grieve. Because it is. But you need to take care of you, too. And this laying around and moping isn't healthy. Okay? I miss you."
She pulled away and looked up at him. "I miss me, too."
He smiled down at her.
"And I want to go home."
"Home? That apartment's not ready--"
"To Tulsa. To my mom."
Admittedly, his heart sank. "Oh. Um, okay. When are you leaving?"
"You mean when are WE leaving?"
"You want me to come with you?"
"Why wouldn't I?" Then she sighed. "I--I want to see my parents. And--and I have some loose ends I need to tie up. I have a house and part of a company to sell off..."
"You haven't talked to him about us yet, have you?"
Mel looked ashamed. "Do I owe him an explanation?"
"I think it would be the right thing to do before it's all over the news. Mel, I don't--I don't lead a normal lifestyle. I wish I did, but I don't. I can't stay tucked away in a small town in Midwest America. There are cameras in my face with every move I make and every corner I turn--and now they're gonna be in your face, too. And I think--well, I think given your history with him and--well, how quickly things have progressed--that he deserves to know from you first."
"Will it--will it bother you if I talk to him?"
Jason shook his head. "No. Not at all."
"Okay," she said. "So, um...so who would I talk to about this sort of thing? This--this dead baby miscarriage thing?"
"You really want to?"
She nodded. "I think I maybe should."
"Okay. We'll make an appointment as soon as possible."
-----------
Two days later, on a sunny, late September day, Mel barged into the apartment and threw her purse furiously into the floor. She had just come from her first therapy session and she obviously wasn't thrilled with the outcome. At her outburst, Jason, who'd been reading over a script he'd recently received, straightened up on the sofa and looked up at her. "Holy shit, are you okay?'
"No, I am NOT okay," she spat at him, her hands on her hips. "She wants to see me for the next four weeks! FOUR weeks, Jason! Four weeks!"
"Um...all I did was make the appointment for you--"
"You didn't tell me you were making an appointment with the goddamn spawn of Satan!"
"Mel, Jesus. Calm down. Please." Clearing his paperwork from beside him, he patted the cushion and motioned her over. "Come here. Let me talk to you for a minute."
Glaring at him, she did as he said. It didn't matter what kind of mood she was in or how pissed off at the world she was. He knew she couldn't resist him and he chose that moment to take full advantage of it. Sitting next to him, she crossed her arms over her chest as he put an arm around her. "What's going on?"
"I didn't really want to come home to that question, considering I just spent an entire hour with it."
"Stop fighting me. I'm not the enemy here. I'm on your side."
Mel sighed. "This isn't me. This isn't--I didn't used to be this way. I used to be independent and strong and--I could do anything. Now it's, like, all I do is kill babies and cry and get in fights and make all the wrong decisions--"
He looked down at her. "What wrong decisions?"
She looked up at him and patted his hand. "Not you. I don't mean you. I just mean in general. Back in the day--hell, even back when you first met me--I had my shit together. Mostly. I had a home and a job and a life--but now I just--I don't know anything anymore. I am not this person. And I don't know how to go back to that. I feel like I've been broken. And ruined. I lost my way somewhere and--I just don't know what to do."
"First of all, don't you ever worry about where your 'way' is. As long as you're with me, you'll never want or need for anything. Ever. I won't let it happen. And second, Mel--you've never lost who you are. You're the same person you were when I met you. I fell for you then, I love you even more now. And so you've hit a few bumps in the road, so what? It only makes you stronger. But you can't always do it alone. I really think that if you go to your therapist with an open mind, instead of fighting it, that you'll really start to feel better. She's there to help you, not to work against you."
"But she wants to see me for four weeks," Mel objected. "Four weeks. I want to go home, I want to see my parents, I want--I want out of this apartment, out of this life--out of this city."
"But you love New York."
"I do. But I feel like such a prisoner right now. I feel so stuffed up here and trapped. I feel like I can't get out."
"And you're upset because you feel like therapy has trapped you here."
"Yes."
"Well. Then you gotta ask yourself--do you want to feel better or do you want to be miserable in a different location?"
Jason felt Mel's body go limp and shrink down under his arm. Score one for him.
"Good things come to those who wait," he continued. Then he leaned down into her ear. "We're living proof of that. And anyway, you don't really want to see your mom while you're in the state you're in, do you?"
She sighed and looked up at him. "Jason. Do you think I'm crazy?"
He looked down at her and chuckled. "No. You're not crazy. However, sometimes, as humans, we just gotta take a moment to regroup and then get back out there. That's all this is. I promise."
She smiled, causing a grin to spread across Jason's face. "I do love you," she said.
Jason kissed her forehead and pulled her close to him.
"Um, you think it would be okay to use your phone to call my mom?"
"Yeah, of course," he said, handing it to her. "Where's yours?"
"Um...not charged..."
"When's the last time you charged your phone?"
"I don't know..."
"Are you serious?"
"Well--I mean, have I really needed it?"
"You don't want to get calls from your mother? Or even your new landlord, whenever they contact you about the apartment?"
Mel sighed.
"You're avoiding Taylor, aren't you?"
"He probably hasn't called anyway."
"You haven't talked to him. He doesn't know about us, he doesn't know you're moving out of the apartment, he doesn't know you're selling the house."
"Pretty sure I told him I was selling the house awhile back." Then she turned to him and eyed him. "Why are you so hell-bent on my talking to him?"
"Because I want everything to be right for you. I don't want you to have to worry or stress over anything. You said so yourself, it's not who you are. I just want you to be happy. Unfortunately, that includes tying up loose ends."
"Um, I'm gonna go call my mother," she said, getting up and going into the bedroom.
----------------------------------------------------------------
MEL
Mel never thought she'd say it, but Jason was really grating on her nerves lately. He always seemed to have something to say about everything. About what she should think, how she should feel. She sighed at the thought. He was right, though. About all of it. She wanted desperately to just be happy and carefree again, but she had to go through the motions to get there. He was only trying to help and she knew it. If it weren't for him, she'd still be laid up in the bed feeling sorry for herself. Maybe it wasn't him that was grating on her nerves--maybe she was getting on her own nerves by resisting everyone and everything that was trying to help her--like she always did. Maybe she was lost because she created her own misery. Had that been her problem all these years?
Mel winced in anticipation at her mother's outburst when she answered the phone. "Hey, sweetie, how is she?"
"Mom?"
"Melody? Is that you?"
"Yeah, it's me."
"Oh my god, sweetie! Why are you calling me from Jason's phone?"
Mel was momentarily confused. "How do you know I'm calling from Jason's phone?"
"Where's yours?"
"I don't know...I haven't charged it for...I don't know how long."
"I know! Nobody's heard from you, nobody's been able to reach you! I've been worried sick!"
"Nobody's been--you're the only one who's been trying to reach me, I'm sure."
"Taylor has blown up my phone several times a day, all week long, asking if I've heard from you."
"Taylor can go to hell."
"He's concerned about you, just like your father and I are."
"Oh, please, Mother, he knows where the hell I am! He knows where to find me! I haven't heard from him in almost a month and if he REALLY wanted to get ahold of me, he could have come here! He knew it and he still didn't budge!"
"Melody! Don't you take that tone with me, I'm simply telling you what's been going on around here. Besides, you could have come home just the same."
"No, I couldn't. And besides, he's--he's too late. It's too late."
"I know," her mother said softly.
This caught Mel off guard. "You do?"
"Yeah, honey. I know. Everybody knows it."
"Knows what...?"
"When you hang around a man like Jason, things don't stay secret for long."
She sighed. "Yeah, except from me. Great..."
"He called me."
"Who called you?"
"Jason."
"When?"
"When, uh, you were having your procedure."
Mel sighed again, frustrated. "God--goddammit! Why in the hell--?"
"Because you wouldn't have done it. Melody, he did it with your best interests at heart. He's a good man."
"Did he tell you it was Tay's demon sperm that did it?"
"A slightly different version of that, yes. He told me everything. It broke my heart."
Mel scoffed. "You should have been there."
"I wasn't. But Jason was. And you should probably watch the way you treat him."
"What--?"
"I know you. I know how you are, I know how you react to things. But that man loves you, he is good to you, and everything he does, he does with you in mind first. Men like that don't come around very often."
"Why didn't you ever say anything like that about Tay?"
Susan sighed. "This one's different. This one's the one."
"And Tay wasn't?"
"Sweetheart, I think your relationship with Taylor ran its course long ago. I think you both knew it and didn't want to admit it. I think that's what the problems in your relationship were. I always knew you loved Jason, even if you didn't realize it. I knew it the first weekend he came to visit." Mel heard the smile in her mother's voice. "You never could hide your face around him. And he looked at you with stars in his eyes."
Mel found herself smiling into the phone, grateful to have someone who understood, even just a little. "Mom, do you think I'm crazy? I mean, Tay and I haven't been apart very long and now I've already--Jason and I are together now, and--I mean, how bad does that look?"
"The way it LOOKS isn't anybody's business. All that matters is what the people involved know is the truth. You've loved each other for a long, long time. So it hasn't been your time until now. So what? Sometimes it takes a major event to open one's eyes. Love doesn't know time or distance or-or anything like that. It is what it is and if you love each other, you love each other. Just do yourself a favor--don't love him with your mind. Love him with your heart. I know you do. He may seem like a strong and confident man, but he needs you, maybe more than you need him."
"I don't see--"
"He and I had a long heart-to-heart while you were out of commission. The poor guy, bless him. He poured his heart out to me. He was at a loss and so devastated, he had no idea what to do about you and the way you were shutting him out or anything. I think he called me out of desperation. Mel, he loves you so much. Treat him right."
"Are you saying I'm some kind of heartless bitch?"
"I'm saying you're used to it being all about you. Except that it's not anymore. Think about that."
"I know. I know you're right. I just--I HAVE to get out of this funk. I have to. And I want to come home, but I'm in therapy now and they have me--they want to see me for the next four weeks and--I'm so damn stressed out."
"You're not the only one."
"I get it, I get it. I gotta make it up to him."
"I don't know if there's anything to make up, but he needs to know you appreciate him."
"Did he lament to you or something?"
"No. I don't think he'll ever do that. I just know you, that's all."
Mel was silent for a moment as she took in her mother's words. Then she inquired, "So, um, everybody knows, huh?"
"Yep."
"Tay, too?"
"Yep."
"I screwed up there, didn't I?"
"Little bit, yeah."
"Jason's been pressuring me to tell him before it got out...I mean, shit, it's not even publicly confirmed yet."
"You need to talk to him, Mel."
"I know. I'll get to it. One step at a time. Right now, um...I think I need to go appreciate Jason a little bit..."
"Melody! Don't be so vulgar!"
Mel laughed at her mother as they both hung up the phone. Putting it down, she looked around the room and sighed. She had to admit, she felt a little better. Her mother was right. Jason was right. All she had to do was open up and invite the help in and she could start to heal. She could finally be happy.
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JASON
Jason had settled back into his original position with his script in front of his face. "You wanna play a game?" Mel's voice came from the living room doorway.
At the sound, he looked up and found her leaning against the doorway. He lowered the booklet and took off his glasses, laying them on the end table. "Okay. I'm intrigued..."
Biting her lip and smiling, she walked over to where he was sitting and stood before him, her hands behind her back. "I lost your phone."
The expression left his face in a split second and his heart pounded. "What?"
Appearing amused by his sudden change in attitude, she leaned over and ran her hands up his thighs. "Your phone is lost...somewhere on my body. Wanna help me look for it?"
The erection that grew in his pants was instantaneous. It always was with her. Happy to oblige in her little game, he narrowed his eyes, the corners of his mouth turning up. "You remember the last place you saw it?"
She shook her head slowly. "Nope." Climbing onto his lap, one knee at a time, she smiled seductively. "I have no idea where it went. It just...vanished..."
"Uh-huh..." His hands ran up her sides through her dress. "You know, there aren't many places for a phone to hide in that tiny dress you're wearing. I love when you wear these tiny dresses."
"Oh really?"
"Oh yeah."
Wrapping a small hand around his jaw, she held his head in place as she kissed him, a light whimper escaping her throat as he grabbed her ass with both hands and pulled her firmly against him. He didn't feel panty lines and it was all he could do to keep still. When she finally let him come up for air, he looked up at her as she smiled down at him. "I think I lied," she breathed.
"You think? Do you have any idea what I would do to you if you lied to me?"
She bit her lip and smiled. "As much as I'd love to find out, I wasn't finished. I know where it is."
Wordlessly, she slid both of her legs off of him, one-by-one, and proceeded to slide her body down his, stopping on the floor between his legs. His heart pounded in anticipation as she unbuttoned his pants. Within seconds, she had wrapped her mouth around him and he sucked in a breath through his teeth and let it out through his throat, letting his head fall back on the back of the sofa. With her hand at the bottom and her mouth at the top, he knew he wouldn't last long. He reached down and gripped a tight fistful of her hair as she worked on him and he bit his lip, his breathing becoming more and more desperate.
She began to speed up and it sent him to the edge. Feeling himself quickly losing control, he started to whisper, "Mel. Mel, stop. Baby, stop."
Either she didn't hear him or she chose not to listen because in the next moment, he came, her hair still in his fist in the exact same position. Catching his breath, he released her hair, shocked with himself. He wasn't necessarily a prick like that, just assuming a woman swallowed, but dammit, he'd warned her and she didn't move...
Looking down at her, he watched her stand up, her short sun dress falling loosely around her thighs and she looked him in the eye as she wiped her bottom lip with her finger and then inserted said finger flirtatiously into her mouth. The act stunned him and he was even more stunned that he wasn't already hard again. This kind of kinky shit was one of the many reasons he knew they were made for each other. And then, without a word, she turned her back and began to walk away.
Finally coming to his senses, he jumped up and put himself back together, zipping his pants. "Wait, wh-where are you going?"
Looking over her shoulder, she smiled. "To get ready. We're going to dinner tonight."
He could only look on as she disappeared into the guest room where she had now taken up residence. He knew right then that she had single-handedly taken back control of their relationship.
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MEL
Dinner that night had turned into dinner and drinks. Mel was desperate to get her mind on anything other than that day's stresses, so when Jason got a text about meeting up with a few friends at a bar downtown, she was more than happy to accompany him.
When she discovered that his friends wanted to meet at Mayahuel in the East Village, she was excited. She hadn't been in years! She wondered if it was still run by the same staff...
"This place doesn't have a dress code or anything, does it?" Jason asked, interrupting her thoughts as they walked down the sidewalk in downtown Manhattan.
Mel glanced down at her chosen wardrobe. Down at her subtly metallic, dark gray leggings, her black stiletto boots that slouched at the shins, and the black, oversized cardigan sweater that barely reached her thighs. Remembering Mayahuel, she smiled. "Nope. No dress code. And since when do you worry about stuff like that anyway?"
Mel looked up and down at Jason in his jeans and his hunter green Henley shirt. He was learning the Henley thing fast. Simple was sexy to her and Jason wore it well.
It was no coincidence that he continually let his hand fall as far as it would reach down her back. They'd been making playful passes at each other all night and she knew she would surely wear him out when they got home. Sure, she'd already pleasured him once that day but she could never keep her hands off him. The freedom to be able to touch him whenever she wanted was the most exhilarating feeling she'd felt in a long time. For the first time since she'd professed her love for him, she finally felt free--a feeling she'd been longing to feel for years.
Mayahuel was a Mexican-themed bar that served Mexican appetizers. From stepping up to the dungeon-esque front door, to passing through the downstairs bar, to walking upstairs into what appeared to be the devil's lair, Mel suddenly remembered why she used to love this place so much and had become keenly aware of Jason's tightened grip on her waist as he walked behind her.
Stopping to look around the room upstairs, their eyes grazed over the black walls and the red, stained-glass windows as they spied a small group waving at them from one of the black, high-backed booths in the corner. The group, three men and a woman, scooted themselves over as Mel and Jason approached and introductions went quickly. Mel thought she recognized a couple of the guys, but she couldn't be sure. All she knew was that two of them were old stunt buddies and the other one was a food critic who had brought along his supermodel wife, Jill. Mel smiled across the small cocktail table at Jill and liked her immediately. As she lit up a cigarette, she shook her blunt chestnut bangs from her brow and smiled her red lips at Mel. Suddenly pulling her closer, Jason leaned into Mel's ear and said quietly, "Be careful of that one. She goes both ways and I'm pretty sure she likes what she sees right now."
Mel felt herself quickly began to blush as she turned her face into him. "What? No she doesn't..."
"Can't say I blame her," he responded, his hand sliding across her thigh.
The chills down Mel's spine were interrupted by the surprising sound of Jill's Russian accent from across the way. "The two of you are an extremely sexy couple." As Mel looked up at her, Jill's red lips took a slow drag from her cigarette.
Saved by the waitress, whose shirt conveniently hung VERY low, Mel smiled up at her once she got past her chest. "A La Vida Rosa and a Chelada, please."
The waitress craned her neck to see around Mel. "And for you, sir--?"
"The Chelada is for him," Mel spoke up loudly. "Thank you."
Behind her, Jason was snickering. Turning around to face him, she widened her eyes. "What?"
"Holy shit, baby, you shut her DOWN," he laughed. "She's probably going to the back to cry now. What did you order for me?"
"Beer," she answered simply.
"That's my girl."
As they waited for their drinks, Jason laughed and cut up with the men while Jill smiled across the table at Mel. Then she patted the seat beside her. "Come, sit by me. We can girl talk while the men--talk about whatever it is men talk about."
Reluctantly, she did as Jill said, Jason's words still ringing loudly in her ear. As Mel took a seat beside her, she caught Jason's eye from across the table and he straightened up a little bit, crossing his ankle over his knee. As he winked at her, she looked over at Jill. "So, um, is that a Russian accent I hear?"
"Bulgarian," she answered.
"Oh," Mel said, embarrassed. "I'm sorry..."
"It's okay," Jill smiled. "Most Americans can't tell the difference."
"So, um, how did you end up in New York?"
Jill took another drag of her cigarette and blew the smoke into the air, smiling. "I was in the country only temporarily. I walked in a runway show and I met Tony at the after party. He took me home, we had crazy wild sex and then he cooked me dinner. I fell in love." Jill paused, moving herself closer to Mel. "When did you fall in love with Jason?"
Mel caught herself sighing as she looked across the table at Jason as he animatedly caught up with his old friends. "Here in New York. A few years ago. In my dead husband's Brownstone..."
Jill laughed and nudged Mel's shoulder with hers. "Well that's an interesting arrangement. And did you, also, have crazy wild sex together?"
Mel felt herself blushing once again as she remembered the first time he'd seen her naked and found the pistol strapped to her leg. What he did with it was the most erotic thing she had ever had happen to her. She looked over at Jill and scrunched her nose up as she nodded. "SO amazing!" she confessed. Then she uncontrollably giggled.
Jill laughed with her. "Good sex is important, yes?"
At that moment, the drinks approached. Mel found herself with her eyes on the waitress as she served Jason his beer. She didn't like her. She didn't know her, but she didn't like her. There was no reason for her to lean over the way she did...
As if reading her mind, Jill's Bulgarian accent said dryly, "If she falls over him any more, her tits are going to pop out of that shirt."
"Tell me about it," Mel muttered.
Jason smiled across the table at Mel as he picked up his beer. She smiled back, longing to be next to him again, but she didn't want to be rude to Jill. Then, to Mel's surprise, Jill's hand found its way to her thigh. "What kind of material are these leggings? It feels exquisite."
Mel felt the blood drain from her face as Jill's red nails stroked her upper thigh listlessly. She swallowed a lump in her throat as she anxiously reached for her cocktail. "Um, I'm not entirely sure...just bought them cause I liked them..."
"Well it feels amazing," Jill said, hissing in Mel's ear. Mel's spine tingled and she instantly felt ashamed as she glanced up at Jason. He wasn't paying attention. He couldn't save her. She fought to figure a way out of this eloquently.
"Have you ever been...turned on...by another woman?" Jill asked quietly in Mel's ear. Her hand left Mel's thigh and began to graze her unnoticeably in other areas around her waist and her back.
Mel stumbled over her words, nervously tucking her hair behind her ear, unable to meet Jill's eyes. She was ashamed to admit it--even to herself--but the things Jill did to her did turn her on, at least a little bit. "Um, uh...I can honestly say I don't think I've ever found myself in that kind of situation before..."
"Consider yourself in one."
"Jilly! Dollface!" Tony's voice rang out over the table and Mel had never been more overcome with relief. "Just because one of our friends brings a woman around, doesn't mean she's fair game for you."
Jill leaned over toward her husband. "Oh, but honey bun, I was only having a bit of fun."
Mel took this opportunity to grab her drink and dart back over to a chuckling Jason. Taking her place safely in the crook of his arm, he rested his arm around her shoulder. "I saw your face over there," he teased her quietly where no one else could hear him.
"I thought you weren't--"
"I watched the whole thing."
"I, uh, hadn't realized..."
"She turned you on, didn't she?"
The question made Mel freeze and Jason chuckled again. "Relax, I can feel how tense you are. It's okay. I'm not mad. It's actually kinda hot watching everyone fall all over you like that. Men...women..."
Mel blushed and turned her face to him shyly. "Jeez, Jason, you say that like I'm some kind of--"
"You are," he finished. "And you're the only one who can't see it. I can't wrap my head around that, but it is what it is."
"Um, I didn't realize you were into that sort of thing. Women on women..."
"It's not normally my thing. I mean, I'm not rushing out to talk you into a threesome or anything. I'm a one-woman man. But that display I just saw--you trying to hide your feelings over there--that was hot."
"You just get kinkier and kinkier, don't you?" she whispered.
Jason threw his head back and scoffed, thoroughly amused. Then he lowered his voice again. "Because what you did to me today wasn't?"
"It wasn't THAT kinky..."
"It was enough for me to still be thinking about it."
"I want to kiss you right now," Mel whispered. "But everyone is watching. And I'm afraid if I do, I might climb all over you right here and now."
Jason smiled. "If I wasn't a respectable man, I wouldn't give a shit."
She smiled up at him teasingly. "Respectable? Who in the hell ever told you you were respectable?"
"It's an ongoing struggle every day."
"Well don't struggle TOO much."
Grinning, he hooked his arm around her neck and brought her closer to him. Touching his face, she brought it toward hers and kissed him, instantly unable to get enough. The fight she had with herself was unbearable. Her tongue had barely grazed his when he pulled away and nudged her nose with his. "I love you, gorgeous," he whispered.
She smiled up at him, her hormones sobering up. "I love you, too."
"I love hearing you say that."
"Are we gonna start getting sappy now? Is that who we're turning into?"
Jason chuckled loudly. "Sounds like it's going that way, doesn't it?"
"Can't say I'm ashamed..."
"Neither am I."
They were interrupted by the waitress approaching the table again. Mel had to blink and look around a little bit to bring herself back to reality. When you found yourself trapped in your own world momentarily, the coming out of it tended to disorient you some. When Mel finally cleared her head, she remembered that she hated this waitress. And she still did. As her busty cleavage fought to break through her shirt, Mel glanced back at Jason, who seemed to be in conversation with the guy beside him. She smiled at her small victory that he wasn't paying a bit of attention to the wench, no matter how hard she eyed him. Feeling vindictive, Mel turned around and delicately laid her hand on Jason's chest, immediately commanding his attention. "Baby, do you want another beer?"
"Yeah," he answered. "Yeah, that would be great."
Mel smiled up at the wench--the waitress. "Another beer please. And I'll have another La Vida Rosa, please. Anyone need anything else?"
The rest of the party put in their orders and the waitress was sent on her way. As Jason went back to his conversation, Mel and Jill smiled at each other across the table again. "What a whore," Jill said. Mel found herself laughing.
After the next round of drinks came, Mel excused herself to go to the restroom, Jill following close behind. Minutes later, as they approached their table again, the women stopped to stare at the waitress who had returned to their table. Mel looked at Jill. "Did we not JUST order another round? Surely it's not time to order another one."
Jill sneered as they looked on. "She only came over to talk to Jason. I can see it. Is she looking at my Tony? No. Is she looking at the other two? No. That whore has been after your lover all night, like she thinks she's going to get her hands on any of that."
"I'll kill her..."
"I know many good attorneys."
"What's on that tray in her hand?"
"Shots? Cocktails? I don't know. Looks like she found herself an excuse. Convenient how she comes over as soon as you go to bathroom."
Glaring at the back of the waitress's head, Mel and Jill made their way back to the table. Jill returned to her seat. Mel wedged herself past the waitress and parked herself expertly on Jason's knee right in front of her. "Here's a tip for you, princess," Mel said, looking her directly in the eye. "It isn't necessary to act like a whore in order to sell drinks."
"Excuse me?" she said.
"You heard me. People come here to drink, they're gonna buy it regardless of whether your tits are hanging out or whether you're flirting with them or not. I'm not sure what pole you climbed down from, but it's obvious that you either haven't been paying attention to his drink order or you've found yourself an excuse to come back over here because I can guarantee you he's not gonna drink any of the girlie shit you've got on that tray there."
The waitress rolled her eyes. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
Mel stood to confront her. "What I MEAN is that you better stay the fuck off my man unless you're planning on bringing him something he's actually gonna drink."
Speechless, the waitress turned and walked away. While the rest of the table howled with laughter, Mel realized what she'd just done and she turned around to Jason, wide-eyed. "I am so sorry," she said.
"Come here," he said, pulling her back onto his knee.
"I'm sorry," she said again. "I know you said for me not to be so jea--"
"That was hot as hell," he whispered.
Mel was completely confused and she looked at him as such. "But--but you said--"
"I know what I said. And sometimes...I don't know. I mean, she was a little pushy but the way you handled it...like, I'm your MAN. And forgive me for being sappy, but I'm good with that."
"Are you giving me permission to beat her ass?" she asked hopefully.
"No."
"Damn."
"One small victory at a time."
Mel smiled and shook her head as a new voice approached the table. "Is there a problem here?"
Turning around, Mel smiled at the man in the jeans and sport coat standing at their booth. "Stan?"
Stan looked at her and grinned back. "Mel? Mel Bradshaw, is that you? Holy shit, it's been years!"
She stood up and hugged him to greet him. "Well, I'm not a Bradshaw anymore. Went back to Banks. But it's so good to see you, I can't believe you're still running this place!"
"Yeah, well, business is good. John would be proud."
Mel nodded. "He definitely would be." Then she stepped out of the way. "Stan, this is my boyfriend, Jason. Jason, this is Stan. He and John used to own this place together."
Jason stood and shook Stan's hand. "Own it, huh?"
"Well, John was more like a silent partner..."
Stan smiled. "Jason Kamealoha, right? I'm a huge fan. Love your work."
"Thank you. Good to meet you."
After introductions went around the table, Mel said to Stan, "Stan, I do have a problem. Since when did you guys start hiring hookers to sell your drinks?"
Stan nearly choked at her question. "Do what?"
"Come now, Stan. The girl who was assigned our table tonight? Her boobs are all over the place and she's been openly lusting after Jason all night, and honestly, it's a gross and disrespectful display. This isn't you, Stan. What happened?"
"Well, yanno, they seem to bring in the younger crowds..."
"This is a classy establishment. What do you think John would say right now?"
"Ah, come on. You gonna hold that against me?"
"This is the first time I've been here in years and the first night I'm back, I gotta fight a bitch off my man? You know what I'm capable of, Stan. I haven't been on the force for years but some things are just like riding a bike. You know that."
"Yeah, yeah. I know. I know your temper, I remember. Hell, Melody, the entire NYPD remembers. I'll deal with it."
"Send her back to the strip club."
Stan laughed. "I said I'll deal with it. But in the meantime I'll either get you another girl or bring you drinks myself. That good with you?"
"Why don't you sit and have a drink with us?" Mel suggested.
"Now what kinda example you think I'd be setting for my staff if I did that?"
Mel smiled. "Yeah, you're right."
As Stan left the table, Mel sat down to a table full of eyes. "What?"
"It's always good to know somebody, huh?" Tony said, raising his glass.
"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I guess. Um, my late husband, John--he and Stan and I used to be with the NYPD together. Then some shit went down, fucked with Stan's head. He left the force, but he still has a lot of friends. Anyway, he wanted to go into business, John wanted to help him out." She looked around. "Glad to see he's still doing well."
Jason rubbed Mel's knee as he listened. "Yeah, but if John was a partner--wouldn't you be now that he's gone? You know, since you inherited it all?"
"Yeah, I would be." Then she laughed. "Could you see it? Me running a bar? The cops would be here every day. But no, once Stan started turning a profit, he bought John out. John was only involved for the first couple of years...not even that, really..."
"You ready to call it a night?" Jason asked softly.
Mel looked around one last time before she took a deep breath. "Yeah. Yeah, I think I am. It's getting pretty late."
As Mel and Jason said their goodbyes, they found themselves hand-in-hand walking down the dark East Village street. "So, um, did that talk about John make you uncomfortable?" Mel asked.
"No," he responded, shaking his head. "Not at all. I just didn't want YOU to be uncomfortable. You know, bringing back old memories and stuff."
Mel shook her head, too. "Nah. The memories I have here--from before--they're good ones. I got closure when John came back and said goodbye--crazy as that whole ordeal was. I'm at peace with that part of my life. I think that's why New York keeps bringing me back. It gives me peace." Then she looked up at him. "And so do you."
Stopping him in the street, she turned to face him. "Tonight was...interesting. And I apologize for embarrassing you. I'm really trying to work on that--"
Jason laughed. "You didn't embarrass me. I promise."
"Well. Even still, I just--I don't ever want to disappoint you. And I know I don't say it near often enough, but I am so, SO proud of you. I'm proud to be yours. I'm proud to call you mine. You make me feel whole. And I haven't felt that for a very long time."
"You have no idea what that means to me," he responded softly.
"Thank you. For always being there. For always being my rock. For always loving me. Thank you for never giving up."
He pulled her closer to him and swept her hair from her face. "You saved my life," he whispered.
"I think we saved each other."
-----------
Later that night, much later that night, Mel had her first nightmare.