IT'S PERSONAL
TAYLOR
The end of May turned on a dime in a way Taylor hadn't expected for at least a couple more weeks. As they nailed down the final details of the upcoming tour, everything that could have gone wrong, did. A few of the tour instruments were in ill repair and a couple needed to be replaced. They lost a venue and had to do a massive last-minute reschedule. And Zac had just been diagnosed with the flu, so imperative rehearsal time wasn't happening.
As June 1st approached, Tay didn't think he could take any more. Sure, they his the road at the end of July, but that didn't stop the things that needed to be done now in order to prepare.
Tay was at home, in the music room, going over a draft of the set list they would need to start rehearsing soon when his cell phone rang. "So guess what?" Zac said on the other end. "I don't have the flu anymore."
Tay nearly died of relief. "Oh thank god! We really need to get on this--wait, you still sound like shit."
"Yeah. My flu graduated. To pneumonia."
"Pneu-pneu-pneumonia. Pneumonia. Zac. We don't have time for this. We have to rehearse. We haven't played a lot of these songs in over a year--"
"Yeah, Tay. Lemme just give my lungs a stern talking-to and then we can carry on as normal."
"But you've already been out of commission for a week."
"I can't sing, Tay. I'm on antibiotics, but--"
"How long did the doctor say?"
"Um..."
"How long?"
"A couple weeks?"
Tay wanted to faint. "A couple of--holy shit, Zac."
"I'll take care of myself and rest and try to cut it down to a week."
"This couldn't have come at a worse time."
"Actually it could..."
"Look, um, okay. Go rest, we'll check in on you."
As Tay hung up the phone with Zac and immediately texted Isaac, his head spun. A week. One more week they couldn't rehearse. One more week that the final set list wouldn't be decided on. One more week. At least.
After the initial shock of being a man down wore off, he was finally able to get back to work on his draft. He was finally pleased with his own progress when, once again, his phone went off. This time it was an email alert. Opening his business email, Tay was ready to flip a table. He'd had enough for one day. On top of all the shit that was already crashing down around him, learning that their opener suddenly had to cancel was not what he needed.
His laptop sat on top of the piano and he began to furiously type a reply email when he heard Mel's voice in the doorway. "Hey."
"Hey," he muttered, lost in his computer.
"I scheduled the dress fitting."
"That's awesome, babe."
"Have you scheduled a tux fitting yet?"
His eyes never left his computer. 'Uh, no, not yet."
"Do you even have all your groomsmen?"
"Working on it."
"Hey, did you manage to find a photographer?"
"Yeah. I did." He deleted a line and retyped it.
"Can I have his number so I can go ahead and schedule him?"
Tay bit hard on his lip to keep his concentration. "It's in my phone, I'll get it in a minute."
"Well, just give me your phone and I'll get it myself so I don't have to bother you."
And then the screen went black.
Suddenly his fist pounded down on the piano's keyboard cover. "Goddammit, I do NOT have time to plan this FUCKING wedding right now!"
As soon as it left his mouth, he immediately regretted it. He waited for the screaming that never came. Instead, her eyes widened for a split second before she took a step back and said quietly, "Okay. We can, um, we can talk about it later." With that, she left the doorway.
Tay's head collapsed into his folded arms against the piano. He hadn't pissed her off, he had devastated her. It was written all over her face. Why had he said that? What was wrong with him? If only that goddamn computer hadn't crashed...
He sighed and rubbed his face vigorously with his hands. Jesus, this day. Zac had pneumonia, the opener cancelled--and now he had personal damage control he had to take care of.
He found Mel in the kitchen, sitting behind her laptop on the island. He leaned on the marble top and looked at her, her eyes never once acknowledging his presence from behind her glasses. He knew she knew he was there. "I didn't mean that, you know," he said softly.
"It's okay," she muttered as she clicked away. "Don't worry about it."
"Come on, Mel," he plead with her. "Yell at me. Scream. Do something." He wasn't above begging. He would take a knock-down, drag-out any day of the week over the way she acted now.
"No need," she muttered again. "You were right. You were busy and I bothered you. I apologize."
"I should never have said that."
"Yes, well. What's done is done."
"Do, uh, do you want that number for the photographer?"
"No, thank you. I figure since you know him, you can make the arrangement yourself."
"Yeah, uh, I can do that. I'll get right on it. So, uh, did I tell you I found a pastor?"
"Is that so?"
"Well. I think I did, anyway."
"Tay, you don't have to do this."
"Do what?"
"Stand here and act like you're interested in this wedding out of guilt."
"Mel, I'm not--"
"Just--just go back to your work. We can talk about it later. Like I said."
He continued to look at her, though she never once looked back at him. Sighing in defeat, he trudged back to the music room and shut the door behind him, feeling like the biggest asshole that ever walked the earth.
_____________________________________________________________
MEL
Several days later, Mel sat in the bridal shop, surrounded by her mother and all of the Hanson women. "Mel, are you sure you don't want a flower girl?" Diana asked. "Little Junie would be so sweet in one of these dresses..." She was in her own world, leafing through a rack of young girls' dresses.
"Yes, I'm sure," Mel said. "No children in this wedding."
"Shame..."
Mel wanted so badly to be in this moment. She had looked forward to it for months. She wanted to spend the day with the ladies, sipping champagne and eating chocolate and laughing and cutting up. Actually, that was exactly what was happening. However, she was the bride and she had never felt more distant.
'I do not have time to plan this fucking wedding,' Taylor had said. 'This fucking wedding.' He had apologized several times since but it didn't change the fact that he'd said it. But it wasn't even the words that he'd said. They had both said things that they hadn't meant before. But it was the way he'd said it. 'This fucking wedding.'
"Mel?" Her mother's voice interrupted her thoughts. "Where are you, sweetie?"
"Um." Not sure if she should say anything or not, Mel caved. "Um, how normal is it for the man...in this situation...to, uh..."
"Disappear?"
"I guess? Maybe?"
Susan chuckled. "Oh, honey, your father wanted absolutely nothing to do with ours. "He simply said, 'Just tell me what time to be there.' The entire wedding? All me."
"But didn't that--didn't it hurt? That he didn't want to participate?"
"At first," Susan replied in thought. "But after awhile I was just glad to have him out of my hair."
Mel wanted to laugh with her mother, except that her mother's answer hadn't made her feel any better. She wasn't sure why she allowed these words to bother her the way they did. She just couldn't shake it. She hadn't been able to look at him the same way since.
"Oh, Nikki, that's gorgeous!" Diana exclaimed suddenly.
Mel looked up as Nikki blushed, nearly the same color of the dress she modeled. "Oh, I'm not serious about it or anything," she said. "I just liked it and wanted to try it on."
"Mel, what, do you think?" Diana asked.
She studied Nikki in the deep, red, knee-length number with the three-quarter sleeves. The dress nearly fit her like a pencil skirt and was extremely plain. "That wasn't exactly what I had in mind when we came here..."
Nikki shrugged shyly. "I know, but I just--"
"But I adore it," Mel said, cutting her off.
Seven pairs of eyes turned to look at her in surprise. "You do?" Nikki asked.
Mel nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I do. I mean, it wasn't what I envisioned, but now that I see it--think about it. I can see it next to my dress. And it would look excellent on all of you. Excuse me," she said to the lady who was helping them that day. "Can we have all of them fitted in this dress?"
"Mel," her mother said suddenly. "Are you sure you want them carrying red roses against red dresses?"
"Um...they can carry white ones."
"White roses?"
Mel scowled and shook her head, annoyed. "We'll just--I'll cross that bridge when I get there."
"Melody, are we being a bit of a bridezilla?" Susan scolded her.
"You know what, Mother? My fiancée just told me the other day that he didn't have time to plan our fucking wedding! So now I'm making all the decisions on my own. So sue me for being a little stressed."
The shop fell silent as Mel realized what she'd let slip from her mouth. "Such language!" Susan gasped.
Mel sighed and let her head fall into her hands. "I was quoting," her muffled voice said in exasperation.
"Quoting?" Diana said softly. "Did he say that?"
"Is that what your question was about earlier?" her mother asked softly.
Mel shook her head and looked up. "You know, it's nothing. Really. He's under stress because of the tour, I was kinda nagging at him--it's--it's personal. We handled it."
"Well, it must not be completely handled if it's still bothering you like that," Diana pointed out.
"I don't know, I just--sometimes I wish we'd just eloped. We talked about it; eloping. At least by now we'd be married and I wouldn't have to bother him with the details. You know?"
A chorus of, "You're not bothering him" littered throughout the women.
Mel looked around at them, unable to respond. She knew what they were getting at and she appreciated the sentiment. But it didn't change anything and it didn't make her feel any better.
The dress was perfect on all the women. Mel even cracked a smile at Avery's "sisterhood of the traveling dress" joke. However, the day was ruined. It was ruined before she had even gotten there. She knew she needed to talk to Tay. She just wasn't sure she could.
---------------------
On the way home, Mel heard a song on the radio that made her cry. She didn't want to be upset at Taylor and she didn't want things to be weird. She also needed to feel comfortable with coming to him about the wedding. Or maybe that was what the problem was. Maybe it wasn't how he might feel about it--it was about being comfortable talking to him. She felt like her comfort zone had been violated. Taken away from her. Was she overreacting? She didn't know.
Texting and calling him didn't work. By the time she'd gotten home, she wanted to take Tay to dinner and finally shake off this nervous feeling she'd had. Except that he wasn't home. After feeding Fred, she headed over to the studio in hopes to snag herself a blue-eyed dinner date.
It was relatively quiet in the back, except for Zac, who she found in the art area. "Hey," he smiled at her. "Kate said you found dresses today."
"You're not supposed to be here. Listen to you."
"I'm not supposed to sing. Obviously. But physically, I'm okay."
She narrowed her eyes at him, fighting back the maternal instinct she felt coming on. Instead, she answered his question. "Yeah, I found dresses. Completely different from what I'd intended, but I think they're gonna be perfect."
"Good. I'm glad."
"Uh, so where's Tay?"
Zac looked at her in surprise. "Uh, he's not here."
"Not here?
"Not here. He's off with Ike somewhere."
"Just--somewhere?"
"Yeah. Somewhere."
She had a feeling Zac wasn't willing to give up the details and she determined that if it were actually anything to worry about, he wouldn't have even told her as much as he did. "Hm. Well, when he comes back, will you tell him I came by? I can't get him on his phone, I was hoping to go to dinner--"
"Well you can have dinner at my house tonight, if you want. She always makes too much, so there'll be plenty."
Mel smiled. "Thank you, but I think I'll pass tonight. I just--Tay and I, and--well I just wanted--needed--to talk to him and--"
"I know."
She raised her eyebrows. "You know."
"Of course I know. You know he doesn't mean what he says when he gets like that."
"So he told you."
"He's beating himself up over it pretty bad. It's what he does best, you know."
"I--maybe I reacted badly. I shouldn't have interrupted him while he was working. I think maybe I'm thinking too much into it now. I don't know. But now it's weird and it's not supposed to be weird. Not ever."
Zac smiled and shook his head. "You sound just like him."
"So where is he?" Mel challenged him once more.
Finally, he sighed in defeat. "He and Ike are at the jewelry store. About your wedding band."
"The wed--" Mel's hand hit her forehead. "Oh my god, wedding bands! Zac, I haven't even bought Tay's ring yet!"
"There's no help for either one of you, I swear. It's amazing both of you can manage to tie your shoes in the morning sometimes."
"Which one is he at?"
"I'm not telling you. You're not even supposed to know as much as you do."
"It's a wedding band. I already have my engagement ring, why does the band have to be so hush-hush?"
"Because that's what he wants. Anyway, he should be back anytime now, if you wanna wait."
"You need to go home. Breathing in those paint fumes cannot be good for you right now."
"Now you sound like Kate. I swear, I don't even need my family when you're out walking the streets."
"Go home, Zac."
---------------------------------------------------
TAYLOR
Taylor couldn't deny his surprise when he found Mel sitting at his desk at 3CG that evening. It was late. After hours. Everyone was gone. So what was she doing there?
He noticed that her engagement ring was off and she was turning it over in her fingers, listlessly examining it. She hadn't noticed him there yet and he was immediately weak in the knees as he watched the action. "Um, is everything okay?" he asked quietly, his heart pounding against his chest.
Startled, she looked up at him and shoved her ring back onto her finger. "I didn't hear you come in. I, uh, I couldn't get ahold of you and I wanted to know if you wanted to go to dinner...and then I thought I'd just wait here."
"Why wait here? How did you know I'd be back?"
"Zac told me where you were."
Tay sighed and propped his arm up in the doorway. "Goddammit."
"Don't be mad, he didn't say much."
"Yeah, but still--"
"Tay, we need to talk."
He ran his hand through his hair nervously. "Yeah. Yeah, I think we do. Where do you want to go eat?"
"I don't really feel like having this conversation in public."
Stepping into the room, Tay grabbed the back of one of the desk chairs and wheeled it around across from Mel. Getting himself comfortably seated in it, he looked across at her. "Please don't leave me," he started. "I'm begging you not to leave me."
She jerked her head back and looked at him, confused. "Leave you? What the hell are you talking about? I'm not leaving you."
"I just--I mean, I know you've been upset and, well--I don't know, I guess I thought..."
"Tay, I'm not leaving you. But you and I--we gotta get on the same page, here. I know you're stressed. I know you have a lot going on, but--I don't know if maybe you need to watch your mouth or what, but what you said the other day--I haven't been able to get that out of my mind. It haunts me. Night and day, it haunts me."
"I promise you, on everything that is holy, that I did not mean a word of it. I had literally just found out our opener backed out. I was dealing with that, and then the computer crashed, and--you caught me at a bad time. I'm not trying to excuse it, by any means. I was completely wrong, I admit that. But, Mel, I want you to feel like you can come to me at ANY time. No matter what."
"Yeah, but, Tay--I've always believed that there's a shred of truth in every word that's spoken, whether you mean them how you say them or not. You maybe be sorry for what you said, but I'm not completely sure you're sorry you said it."
He narrowed his eyes at her, studying her face as he sat back in his chair. "I don't know what else to do," he said. "I've apologized. I told you I didn't mean it. I don't understand what you want me to do."
Mel glanced down at her hands as she fidgeted with them nervously. "I don't know," she said quietly.
"I mean, do you--do you think that I DON'T want to marry you? Or--or--do you think I just don't CARE?"
At that moment, Mel's eyes met his and he sighed, his heart sinking into his stomach. "That's it, isn't it? You think I don't care."
"I know you're busy and I know you're under a lot of stress and pressure and I--I'm really starting to wonder if I should even burden you with any of this wedding stuff. This is what I was afraid of with this tour coming up."
"The wedding has never been a burden on me. Ever."
"Hasn't it?"
"Well, I mean, there are time when it's stressful..."
"YOU'RE stressed over the wedding?" Mel raised an eyebrow at him.
Tay's head fell back and he covered his face in frustration. "I feel like you're backing me into a corner here. Like, you WANT me to say I don't give a shit about the wedding or something. I mean, are you trying to do that? Are YOU trying to get out of the wedding?"
"That's the stupidest thing you've ever asked me," Mel spat at him. "All I simply want to know is can you handle the tour and the wedding at the same time? I want to know, in all honesty, right here and now, that--you know what, yes. I DO want to know if you care. If you care at all."
"Yes, I care," he responded quietly.
"You know, because I was happy just running off and signing a marriage license. You're the one who thought having a wedding would be best."
"I still feel that way."
"You set the date."
"I did."
"You jumpstarted this wedding."
"Yeah, I guess I did."
"So is it so bad that I want to do this together? That I want you to be involved in every aspect of it? That I value your opinions and ideas and feelings about OUR wedding?"
"No, of course it's not. That's what I want, too."
"Even when it interferes with your work?"
"Especially when it interferes with my work."
"Now you're just saying what you think I want to hear."
"I'm being honest. I've told you this a thousand times before and I'll say it again, I've waited on this wedding my entire life. Nothing excites me more than the thought of watching you walk down that aisle. Sometimes I can't even breathe at the thought." He wheeled his chair closer to her and leaned over, taking her hands in his. "I want you to come on tour with me."
"Well this is a direction I didn't expect this conversation to take."
"Seriously. We can--we can be together every day and we can plan the wedding together--"
"When? When you're not playing? Or sleeping? Or sound checking? While I'm surrounded by a frat house of men, trying to concentrate on center pieces and party favors and my reception dress? Come on."
"I need you."
He swore he could physically see Mel's heart melt from where he sat. However, he hadn't simply fed her a line. He meant it. He needed her. The only thing that stressed him more than the things going wrong at the moment was the thought of leaving her behind.
Mel shook her head. "No...no, I'll just be in the way and I'll be completely useless and a total waste of space. Honestly. That's a fact."
Tay smiled shyly. "Do I need to get down on one knee for this, too?"
A grin crept across her face that he was happy to see. "No."
"So come on tour with me. I don't want to be without you."
"We'll get sick of each other."
"I want that opportunity."
Mel sighed. "I'm not committing to it. I have things to do at home, you know. But I don't see why I can't travel some of the time, I guess. Besides, I can't stand to miss you. Some people find it romantic, but for me, missing you tears my heart out. It always has. It's not fun."
Tay blushed, then leaned over and kissed her lips softly. "So are you gonna take me out on the town and show me off, or what?" he asked playfully.
"Oh, so that's how this is gonna go," she flirted back. Then she was serious again. "Tay? Did we accomplish anything here? Or did we just change the subject?"
"Are you going to believe anything I say?"
"I mean, I get that the man likes to think it's 'the bride's day' or whatever, but I don't believe that. I don't know if that's your thinking or what, but this is OUR wedding, not mine. I want you in it. I want it to be ours. I want people to look at it and say, 'This is theirs.' Not, 'Oh, she did such a great job' or something like that. But I want you to want to put in the effort. Not just do things because you feel like you have to. That's what I want."
Tay sighed and fished the small box from his jacket pocket. "I shouldn't even be doing this. It's probably bad luck." He opened it up and took the tiny, white-gold band and held it between his fingers. "Sizing these rings have been so complicated because you don't wear a size you can just pick up. The jeweler had my grandmother's ring for weeks because he was scared to death he would mess it up during sizing. He said engraving this one almost didn't happen because your fingers are so freakishly small..."
Mel never took her eyes off the ring he twirled in his fingers. "Engraved?"
"Yeah," he said, looking it over. "I had it engraved. He just finished it today."
"Um, can I--?"
"I shouldn't. I mean, I'm not supposed to, you know..."
"I know," she said quietly, shrugging her shoulders.
Then he offered it to her. "But we've broken a million rules already, what's one more? DON'T put it on."
She smiled and carefully took it from him and immediately put on her glasses so she could read the tiny print. She studied it for a moment before her eyes brimmed with tears.
♪My Melody, My Muse♪
She looked up at him and into his eyes. "Let's get married right now."
"What?" He laughed.
"Seriously. We can find someone who will marry us right now, tonight. We could hop a plane to Vegas if we have to."
"I am NOT marrying you in some cheapo chapel in Vegas, you can forget that."
"I don't care, I just want to marry you."
"Sweetheart, I do, too, but we're gonna do it the right way."
"Isn't simply being married the right way? Is there a wrong way to be married?"
"I'm pretty sure being married by a gorilla in an Elvis suit would NOT be at the top of your list of wedding memories you'd like to have."
Mel smiled deviously. "You know, they have drive-thru chapels, too."
Tay laughed. "Now you're just being ridiculous." He, then, gently retrieved the band from her. "I know you're excited. And I am, too. I really am. But it'll be here before you know it. And it'll be perfect and you'll be glad you waited." Then he slid the box with the ring inside back into his jacket pocket. "Can we get out of here now? I've been here all damn day."
"Let's just go eat somewhere down the street. Then we can walk there and you can be on my arm and I'll just show my trophy guy off all over Tulsa."
He smiled. "You're a little crazy, you know that?"
"You love it."
"I do."
TAYLOR
The end of May turned on a dime in a way Taylor hadn't expected for at least a couple more weeks. As they nailed down the final details of the upcoming tour, everything that could have gone wrong, did. A few of the tour instruments were in ill repair and a couple needed to be replaced. They lost a venue and had to do a massive last-minute reschedule. And Zac had just been diagnosed with the flu, so imperative rehearsal time wasn't happening.
As June 1st approached, Tay didn't think he could take any more. Sure, they his the road at the end of July, but that didn't stop the things that needed to be done now in order to prepare.
Tay was at home, in the music room, going over a draft of the set list they would need to start rehearsing soon when his cell phone rang. "So guess what?" Zac said on the other end. "I don't have the flu anymore."
Tay nearly died of relief. "Oh thank god! We really need to get on this--wait, you still sound like shit."
"Yeah. My flu graduated. To pneumonia."
"Pneu-pneu-pneumonia. Pneumonia. Zac. We don't have time for this. We have to rehearse. We haven't played a lot of these songs in over a year--"
"Yeah, Tay. Lemme just give my lungs a stern talking-to and then we can carry on as normal."
"But you've already been out of commission for a week."
"I can't sing, Tay. I'm on antibiotics, but--"
"How long did the doctor say?"
"Um..."
"How long?"
"A couple weeks?"
Tay wanted to faint. "A couple of--holy shit, Zac."
"I'll take care of myself and rest and try to cut it down to a week."
"This couldn't have come at a worse time."
"Actually it could..."
"Look, um, okay. Go rest, we'll check in on you."
As Tay hung up the phone with Zac and immediately texted Isaac, his head spun. A week. One more week they couldn't rehearse. One more week that the final set list wouldn't be decided on. One more week. At least.
After the initial shock of being a man down wore off, he was finally able to get back to work on his draft. He was finally pleased with his own progress when, once again, his phone went off. This time it was an email alert. Opening his business email, Tay was ready to flip a table. He'd had enough for one day. On top of all the shit that was already crashing down around him, learning that their opener suddenly had to cancel was not what he needed.
His laptop sat on top of the piano and he began to furiously type a reply email when he heard Mel's voice in the doorway. "Hey."
"Hey," he muttered, lost in his computer.
"I scheduled the dress fitting."
"That's awesome, babe."
"Have you scheduled a tux fitting yet?"
His eyes never left his computer. 'Uh, no, not yet."
"Do you even have all your groomsmen?"
"Working on it."
"Hey, did you manage to find a photographer?"
"Yeah. I did." He deleted a line and retyped it.
"Can I have his number so I can go ahead and schedule him?"
Tay bit hard on his lip to keep his concentration. "It's in my phone, I'll get it in a minute."
"Well, just give me your phone and I'll get it myself so I don't have to bother you."
And then the screen went black.
Suddenly his fist pounded down on the piano's keyboard cover. "Goddammit, I do NOT have time to plan this FUCKING wedding right now!"
As soon as it left his mouth, he immediately regretted it. He waited for the screaming that never came. Instead, her eyes widened for a split second before she took a step back and said quietly, "Okay. We can, um, we can talk about it later." With that, she left the doorway.
Tay's head collapsed into his folded arms against the piano. He hadn't pissed her off, he had devastated her. It was written all over her face. Why had he said that? What was wrong with him? If only that goddamn computer hadn't crashed...
He sighed and rubbed his face vigorously with his hands. Jesus, this day. Zac had pneumonia, the opener cancelled--and now he had personal damage control he had to take care of.
He found Mel in the kitchen, sitting behind her laptop on the island. He leaned on the marble top and looked at her, her eyes never once acknowledging his presence from behind her glasses. He knew she knew he was there. "I didn't mean that, you know," he said softly.
"It's okay," she muttered as she clicked away. "Don't worry about it."
"Come on, Mel," he plead with her. "Yell at me. Scream. Do something." He wasn't above begging. He would take a knock-down, drag-out any day of the week over the way she acted now.
"No need," she muttered again. "You were right. You were busy and I bothered you. I apologize."
"I should never have said that."
"Yes, well. What's done is done."
"Do, uh, do you want that number for the photographer?"
"No, thank you. I figure since you know him, you can make the arrangement yourself."
"Yeah, uh, I can do that. I'll get right on it. So, uh, did I tell you I found a pastor?"
"Is that so?"
"Well. I think I did, anyway."
"Tay, you don't have to do this."
"Do what?"
"Stand here and act like you're interested in this wedding out of guilt."
"Mel, I'm not--"
"Just--just go back to your work. We can talk about it later. Like I said."
He continued to look at her, though she never once looked back at him. Sighing in defeat, he trudged back to the music room and shut the door behind him, feeling like the biggest asshole that ever walked the earth.
_____________________________________________________________
MEL
Several days later, Mel sat in the bridal shop, surrounded by her mother and all of the Hanson women. "Mel, are you sure you don't want a flower girl?" Diana asked. "Little Junie would be so sweet in one of these dresses..." She was in her own world, leafing through a rack of young girls' dresses.
"Yes, I'm sure," Mel said. "No children in this wedding."
"Shame..."
Mel wanted so badly to be in this moment. She had looked forward to it for months. She wanted to spend the day with the ladies, sipping champagne and eating chocolate and laughing and cutting up. Actually, that was exactly what was happening. However, she was the bride and she had never felt more distant.
'I do not have time to plan this fucking wedding,' Taylor had said. 'This fucking wedding.' He had apologized several times since but it didn't change the fact that he'd said it. But it wasn't even the words that he'd said. They had both said things that they hadn't meant before. But it was the way he'd said it. 'This fucking wedding.'
"Mel?" Her mother's voice interrupted her thoughts. "Where are you, sweetie?"
"Um." Not sure if she should say anything or not, Mel caved. "Um, how normal is it for the man...in this situation...to, uh..."
"Disappear?"
"I guess? Maybe?"
Susan chuckled. "Oh, honey, your father wanted absolutely nothing to do with ours. "He simply said, 'Just tell me what time to be there.' The entire wedding? All me."
"But didn't that--didn't it hurt? That he didn't want to participate?"
"At first," Susan replied in thought. "But after awhile I was just glad to have him out of my hair."
Mel wanted to laugh with her mother, except that her mother's answer hadn't made her feel any better. She wasn't sure why she allowed these words to bother her the way they did. She just couldn't shake it. She hadn't been able to look at him the same way since.
"Oh, Nikki, that's gorgeous!" Diana exclaimed suddenly.
Mel looked up as Nikki blushed, nearly the same color of the dress she modeled. "Oh, I'm not serious about it or anything," she said. "I just liked it and wanted to try it on."
"Mel, what, do you think?" Diana asked.
She studied Nikki in the deep, red, knee-length number with the three-quarter sleeves. The dress nearly fit her like a pencil skirt and was extremely plain. "That wasn't exactly what I had in mind when we came here..."
Nikki shrugged shyly. "I know, but I just--"
"But I adore it," Mel said, cutting her off.
Seven pairs of eyes turned to look at her in surprise. "You do?" Nikki asked.
Mel nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I do. I mean, it wasn't what I envisioned, but now that I see it--think about it. I can see it next to my dress. And it would look excellent on all of you. Excuse me," she said to the lady who was helping them that day. "Can we have all of them fitted in this dress?"
"Mel," her mother said suddenly. "Are you sure you want them carrying red roses against red dresses?"
"Um...they can carry white ones."
"White roses?"
Mel scowled and shook her head, annoyed. "We'll just--I'll cross that bridge when I get there."
"Melody, are we being a bit of a bridezilla?" Susan scolded her.
"You know what, Mother? My fiancée just told me the other day that he didn't have time to plan our fucking wedding! So now I'm making all the decisions on my own. So sue me for being a little stressed."
The shop fell silent as Mel realized what she'd let slip from her mouth. "Such language!" Susan gasped.
Mel sighed and let her head fall into her hands. "I was quoting," her muffled voice said in exasperation.
"Quoting?" Diana said softly. "Did he say that?"
"Is that what your question was about earlier?" her mother asked softly.
Mel shook her head and looked up. "You know, it's nothing. Really. He's under stress because of the tour, I was kinda nagging at him--it's--it's personal. We handled it."
"Well, it must not be completely handled if it's still bothering you like that," Diana pointed out.
"I don't know, I just--sometimes I wish we'd just eloped. We talked about it; eloping. At least by now we'd be married and I wouldn't have to bother him with the details. You know?"
A chorus of, "You're not bothering him" littered throughout the women.
Mel looked around at them, unable to respond. She knew what they were getting at and she appreciated the sentiment. But it didn't change anything and it didn't make her feel any better.
The dress was perfect on all the women. Mel even cracked a smile at Avery's "sisterhood of the traveling dress" joke. However, the day was ruined. It was ruined before she had even gotten there. She knew she needed to talk to Tay. She just wasn't sure she could.
---------------------
On the way home, Mel heard a song on the radio that made her cry. She didn't want to be upset at Taylor and she didn't want things to be weird. She also needed to feel comfortable with coming to him about the wedding. Or maybe that was what the problem was. Maybe it wasn't how he might feel about it--it was about being comfortable talking to him. She felt like her comfort zone had been violated. Taken away from her. Was she overreacting? She didn't know.
Texting and calling him didn't work. By the time she'd gotten home, she wanted to take Tay to dinner and finally shake off this nervous feeling she'd had. Except that he wasn't home. After feeding Fred, she headed over to the studio in hopes to snag herself a blue-eyed dinner date.
It was relatively quiet in the back, except for Zac, who she found in the art area. "Hey," he smiled at her. "Kate said you found dresses today."
"You're not supposed to be here. Listen to you."
"I'm not supposed to sing. Obviously. But physically, I'm okay."
She narrowed her eyes at him, fighting back the maternal instinct she felt coming on. Instead, she answered his question. "Yeah, I found dresses. Completely different from what I'd intended, but I think they're gonna be perfect."
"Good. I'm glad."
"Uh, so where's Tay?"
Zac looked at her in surprise. "Uh, he's not here."
"Not here?
"Not here. He's off with Ike somewhere."
"Just--somewhere?"
"Yeah. Somewhere."
She had a feeling Zac wasn't willing to give up the details and she determined that if it were actually anything to worry about, he wouldn't have even told her as much as he did. "Hm. Well, when he comes back, will you tell him I came by? I can't get him on his phone, I was hoping to go to dinner--"
"Well you can have dinner at my house tonight, if you want. She always makes too much, so there'll be plenty."
Mel smiled. "Thank you, but I think I'll pass tonight. I just--Tay and I, and--well I just wanted--needed--to talk to him and--"
"I know."
She raised her eyebrows. "You know."
"Of course I know. You know he doesn't mean what he says when he gets like that."
"So he told you."
"He's beating himself up over it pretty bad. It's what he does best, you know."
"I--maybe I reacted badly. I shouldn't have interrupted him while he was working. I think maybe I'm thinking too much into it now. I don't know. But now it's weird and it's not supposed to be weird. Not ever."
Zac smiled and shook his head. "You sound just like him."
"So where is he?" Mel challenged him once more.
Finally, he sighed in defeat. "He and Ike are at the jewelry store. About your wedding band."
"The wed--" Mel's hand hit her forehead. "Oh my god, wedding bands! Zac, I haven't even bought Tay's ring yet!"
"There's no help for either one of you, I swear. It's amazing both of you can manage to tie your shoes in the morning sometimes."
"Which one is he at?"
"I'm not telling you. You're not even supposed to know as much as you do."
"It's a wedding band. I already have my engagement ring, why does the band have to be so hush-hush?"
"Because that's what he wants. Anyway, he should be back anytime now, if you wanna wait."
"You need to go home. Breathing in those paint fumes cannot be good for you right now."
"Now you sound like Kate. I swear, I don't even need my family when you're out walking the streets."
"Go home, Zac."
---------------------------------------------------
TAYLOR
Taylor couldn't deny his surprise when he found Mel sitting at his desk at 3CG that evening. It was late. After hours. Everyone was gone. So what was she doing there?
He noticed that her engagement ring was off and she was turning it over in her fingers, listlessly examining it. She hadn't noticed him there yet and he was immediately weak in the knees as he watched the action. "Um, is everything okay?" he asked quietly, his heart pounding against his chest.
Startled, she looked up at him and shoved her ring back onto her finger. "I didn't hear you come in. I, uh, I couldn't get ahold of you and I wanted to know if you wanted to go to dinner...and then I thought I'd just wait here."
"Why wait here? How did you know I'd be back?"
"Zac told me where you were."
Tay sighed and propped his arm up in the doorway. "Goddammit."
"Don't be mad, he didn't say much."
"Yeah, but still--"
"Tay, we need to talk."
He ran his hand through his hair nervously. "Yeah. Yeah, I think we do. Where do you want to go eat?"
"I don't really feel like having this conversation in public."
Stepping into the room, Tay grabbed the back of one of the desk chairs and wheeled it around across from Mel. Getting himself comfortably seated in it, he looked across at her. "Please don't leave me," he started. "I'm begging you not to leave me."
She jerked her head back and looked at him, confused. "Leave you? What the hell are you talking about? I'm not leaving you."
"I just--I mean, I know you've been upset and, well--I don't know, I guess I thought..."
"Tay, I'm not leaving you. But you and I--we gotta get on the same page, here. I know you're stressed. I know you have a lot going on, but--I don't know if maybe you need to watch your mouth or what, but what you said the other day--I haven't been able to get that out of my mind. It haunts me. Night and day, it haunts me."
"I promise you, on everything that is holy, that I did not mean a word of it. I had literally just found out our opener backed out. I was dealing with that, and then the computer crashed, and--you caught me at a bad time. I'm not trying to excuse it, by any means. I was completely wrong, I admit that. But, Mel, I want you to feel like you can come to me at ANY time. No matter what."
"Yeah, but, Tay--I've always believed that there's a shred of truth in every word that's spoken, whether you mean them how you say them or not. You maybe be sorry for what you said, but I'm not completely sure you're sorry you said it."
He narrowed his eyes at her, studying her face as he sat back in his chair. "I don't know what else to do," he said. "I've apologized. I told you I didn't mean it. I don't understand what you want me to do."
Mel glanced down at her hands as she fidgeted with them nervously. "I don't know," she said quietly.
"I mean, do you--do you think that I DON'T want to marry you? Or--or--do you think I just don't CARE?"
At that moment, Mel's eyes met his and he sighed, his heart sinking into his stomach. "That's it, isn't it? You think I don't care."
"I know you're busy and I know you're under a lot of stress and pressure and I--I'm really starting to wonder if I should even burden you with any of this wedding stuff. This is what I was afraid of with this tour coming up."
"The wedding has never been a burden on me. Ever."
"Hasn't it?"
"Well, I mean, there are time when it's stressful..."
"YOU'RE stressed over the wedding?" Mel raised an eyebrow at him.
Tay's head fell back and he covered his face in frustration. "I feel like you're backing me into a corner here. Like, you WANT me to say I don't give a shit about the wedding or something. I mean, are you trying to do that? Are YOU trying to get out of the wedding?"
"That's the stupidest thing you've ever asked me," Mel spat at him. "All I simply want to know is can you handle the tour and the wedding at the same time? I want to know, in all honesty, right here and now, that--you know what, yes. I DO want to know if you care. If you care at all."
"Yes, I care," he responded quietly.
"You know, because I was happy just running off and signing a marriage license. You're the one who thought having a wedding would be best."
"I still feel that way."
"You set the date."
"I did."
"You jumpstarted this wedding."
"Yeah, I guess I did."
"So is it so bad that I want to do this together? That I want you to be involved in every aspect of it? That I value your opinions and ideas and feelings about OUR wedding?"
"No, of course it's not. That's what I want, too."
"Even when it interferes with your work?"
"Especially when it interferes with my work."
"Now you're just saying what you think I want to hear."
"I'm being honest. I've told you this a thousand times before and I'll say it again, I've waited on this wedding my entire life. Nothing excites me more than the thought of watching you walk down that aisle. Sometimes I can't even breathe at the thought." He wheeled his chair closer to her and leaned over, taking her hands in his. "I want you to come on tour with me."
"Well this is a direction I didn't expect this conversation to take."
"Seriously. We can--we can be together every day and we can plan the wedding together--"
"When? When you're not playing? Or sleeping? Or sound checking? While I'm surrounded by a frat house of men, trying to concentrate on center pieces and party favors and my reception dress? Come on."
"I need you."
He swore he could physically see Mel's heart melt from where he sat. However, he hadn't simply fed her a line. He meant it. He needed her. The only thing that stressed him more than the things going wrong at the moment was the thought of leaving her behind.
Mel shook her head. "No...no, I'll just be in the way and I'll be completely useless and a total waste of space. Honestly. That's a fact."
Tay smiled shyly. "Do I need to get down on one knee for this, too?"
A grin crept across her face that he was happy to see. "No."
"So come on tour with me. I don't want to be without you."
"We'll get sick of each other."
"I want that opportunity."
Mel sighed. "I'm not committing to it. I have things to do at home, you know. But I don't see why I can't travel some of the time, I guess. Besides, I can't stand to miss you. Some people find it romantic, but for me, missing you tears my heart out. It always has. It's not fun."
Tay blushed, then leaned over and kissed her lips softly. "So are you gonna take me out on the town and show me off, or what?" he asked playfully.
"Oh, so that's how this is gonna go," she flirted back. Then she was serious again. "Tay? Did we accomplish anything here? Or did we just change the subject?"
"Are you going to believe anything I say?"
"I mean, I get that the man likes to think it's 'the bride's day' or whatever, but I don't believe that. I don't know if that's your thinking or what, but this is OUR wedding, not mine. I want you in it. I want it to be ours. I want people to look at it and say, 'This is theirs.' Not, 'Oh, she did such a great job' or something like that. But I want you to want to put in the effort. Not just do things because you feel like you have to. That's what I want."
Tay sighed and fished the small box from his jacket pocket. "I shouldn't even be doing this. It's probably bad luck." He opened it up and took the tiny, white-gold band and held it between his fingers. "Sizing these rings have been so complicated because you don't wear a size you can just pick up. The jeweler had my grandmother's ring for weeks because he was scared to death he would mess it up during sizing. He said engraving this one almost didn't happen because your fingers are so freakishly small..."
Mel never took her eyes off the ring he twirled in his fingers. "Engraved?"
"Yeah," he said, looking it over. "I had it engraved. He just finished it today."
"Um, can I--?"
"I shouldn't. I mean, I'm not supposed to, you know..."
"I know," she said quietly, shrugging her shoulders.
Then he offered it to her. "But we've broken a million rules already, what's one more? DON'T put it on."
She smiled and carefully took it from him and immediately put on her glasses so she could read the tiny print. She studied it for a moment before her eyes brimmed with tears.
♪My Melody, My Muse♪
She looked up at him and into his eyes. "Let's get married right now."
"What?" He laughed.
"Seriously. We can find someone who will marry us right now, tonight. We could hop a plane to Vegas if we have to."
"I am NOT marrying you in some cheapo chapel in Vegas, you can forget that."
"I don't care, I just want to marry you."
"Sweetheart, I do, too, but we're gonna do it the right way."
"Isn't simply being married the right way? Is there a wrong way to be married?"
"I'm pretty sure being married by a gorilla in an Elvis suit would NOT be at the top of your list of wedding memories you'd like to have."
Mel smiled deviously. "You know, they have drive-thru chapels, too."
Tay laughed. "Now you're just being ridiculous." He, then, gently retrieved the band from her. "I know you're excited. And I am, too. I really am. But it'll be here before you know it. And it'll be perfect and you'll be glad you waited." Then he slid the box with the ring inside back into his jacket pocket. "Can we get out of here now? I've been here all damn day."
"Let's just go eat somewhere down the street. Then we can walk there and you can be on my arm and I'll just show my trophy guy off all over Tulsa."
He smiled. "You're a little crazy, you know that?"
"You love it."
"I do."