NEEDED: PROTECTION
MEL
A week later, Mel found herself in Los Angeles to attend a board meeting for the banquet she was helping organize for benefactors of the children's hospital. She had hoped that Taylor would come along, but with MOE being so close, there was no way he could tear himself away, even for a weekend. So Mel trekked it alone and was now wishing she had never even shown up.
Mel barely made it in the door of the dinner meeting before she was met by the chair of the committee. "Oh,
Melody. You're here," the chairwoman said.
Mel smiled at her. "Yes. I apologize if I'm late--"
"You're not late at all. Um, I had hoped the message would have found its way to you before you traveled all this way..."
Mel narrowed her eyes. "What message?"
"Um, you see, there's been a vote. And unfortunately, due to your, uh, recent dealings with Maxim magazine, the rest of board doesn't think it would be appropriate if you headed this project any longer. It's an image the organization would rather not be associated with."
"You're kidding..."
The chairwoman shook her head, regretfully. "I wish I was. It has nothing to do with your abilities to do the job--your services just may be better suited to...well, to events more your speed..."
"This IS my speed. Have you seen what I've accomplished? Have you even read my resume? Called my
references?"
"I'm sorry, Miss Banks. We do appreciate the effort you've put in so far. We'll take it from here."
-------------------
And so Mel made her way back to her hotel. Blowing Tay's phone up was absolutely no use. He wasn't
answering. Or texting her back. Or anything. And she knew nobody was in the business office now, so calling the land line was futile. So she decided to pick up a couple of bottles of wine on the way back to her hotel and drown her sorrows in alcohol. Seemed like the thing to do in a situation like this.
After finding herself without a bottle opener, and having room service come up and do the deed for her, she changed into her bedclothes and propped herself on the bed, glancing over at the clock on the bedside table. Eight thirty. Mel scoffed and took her first swig of wine, straight from the bottle. Who needed glasses or the little plastic cups provided by the hotel? This was a party of one.
She flipped channels on the television. There was nothing on. Not a damn thing she was interested in. So she turned it to the most mindless program she could think of and left it there. She texted Tay some more. No response. Played a couple games on her phone. Surfed the internet. And then she repeated steps one through three.
She hadn't realized she was as drunk as she was until she got up to pee and realized that the bottle was nearly empty. Stumbling back to her bed, she glanced up at the television, an advertisement for a tabloid news show to air later that night. Right there on the screen, in her room, was Jason and that damn blonde model.
Scowling drunkenly at the screen, she fished her cell phone from the bed beside her and checked her messages. Still nothing from Tay. But no matter now. She was on a different mission. Slowly and carefully, she typed into her phone, "I guess it's true that all Hollywood types are all the same. Only keeping me around
until something better comes along."
And then she tossed her phone to the side and drained the bottle.
Fishing the second bottle from her mini fridge and barely making it back to the bed, she smiled at the way the cool, fresh liquid felt in her mouth as she started on the new bottle. She was pretty wasted at this point, but did she care? Absolutely not.
She was caught off guard when her phone then rang and she could barely get her hands on it. Excited that it was Tay, she picked it up and squinted her eyes at the screen. Jason?
"Hello," she said abruptly into the phone once she figured out how to answer it.
"What in the fuck do you mean by sending me a text like that?" Jason greeted her angrily.
"Did I lie?" she retorted, taking another swig of wine.
"It's complete fucking bullshit!"
"Is it? Jason Kamealoha, action star, most eligible Hollywood bachelor? Is it bullshit? Is it bullshit how you apparently like to just fuck every random lingerie model that bats a fucking eyelash in your direction?"
"What the fu--are you drunk, Mel? Are you drinking?"
"So what if I am? What's it to you? You don't give a shit."
"I'm not talking to you if you're like this."
"She's there, isn't she? Your blonde whore is probably right there in the bed beside you, isn't she?"
"Of all the stunts you've pulled--"
"Of all the stunts I'VE pulled? You've pulled one hell of a disappearing act. You'd fucking put Houdini to shame, had I not had to find out about her through some goddamn sleazeball magazine. Had my best
friend not been fucking honest with me first. I see what I really mean to you. You lie like all the rest of them."
"Mel, that is NOT fair. You know what you mean to me--"
"Well apparently I DON'T. Because REAL friends don't just drop off the face of the earth. REAL friends don't ditch each other for blonde bimbo whores!"
"Where is Taylor? Is he with you?"
"I don't know where he is. Somewhere with Ike and Zac. Working. He's not answering his phone. I don't know. Fucking...fucking time zones and...shit, I don't know. Where the fuck are you?"
"I'm in LA," Jason answered. "What are you talking about, time zones?"
Suddenly, Mel found herself bawling. "Everything is just so fucked up, Jason. I don't know what to do!"
"Oh god, Mel," Jason sighed into the phone. "What's going on? Please don't cry."
"I went to a fucking board meeting for a banquet I'm supposed to organize in LA and I didn't even get in the door before they fucking gave me the boot. They dropped me because of Maxim, Jason! They said they didn't
wanna be associated with that image and that I should stick to events more suited to my...whatever the fuck, I don't know. I've never been so humiliated in my entire life!"
"Well who the hell do they think they are anyway?"
"I don't know," Mel continued crying. "Like, I guess they think maybe I should, like, call up Hugh Hefner and start organizing shit for HIS whores, I don't fucking know! That's apparently how they see me now. Like a fucking bimbo. Is that why you left me, Jason? Did you leave me because of Maxim, too?"
"Sweetheart, I never left you," he said softly.
"Yes you did," she sniffed. "Yes you did. I called and I texted and I called and I texted and you blatantly ignored me and then I find out a month later that you're dating some...some fucking Victoria's Secret model, like--like you just threw me away or something!" She sniffed again and got quiet. "You told me you would never leave me. You're the one person I thought would never leave me."
"Mel--I didn't mean to hurt you. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you."
Fresh tears started all over again. "I miss you, Jason," she squeaked. "I miss your face and your eyes and your arms--I miss you, Jason. I just need you to hold me. Like you used to. I just--I just need you!"
"Where are you?"
"I don't know!" Mel bawled.
"You mentioned LA earlier. Are you in LA?"
Mel nodded into the phone.
"Mel? Are you there?"
"Yes."
"Are you in LA?"
"Yes."
"How much have you had to drink?"
"I don't know..."
"What hotel are you in?"
"I don't know!" Fresh tears. There seemed to be a new outburst every time she opened her mouth.
"Come on, Mel. Calm down. Yes, you do, you know where you are."
Sniffing tears back, attempting to calm herself as best she could in her drunken stupor, she managed to rattle off the name of the hotel.
"What room are you in?"
Mel shook her head and looked around, the room spinning. "I don't know. There's, like, a three and a five and a six...I think..."
"I'm coming right now."
"But--but, Jason--you don't even know where I am! I don't even know where I am! Nobody knows where I am!"
"Give me ten minutes and not a second longer. I'm literally about two blocks from you."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
JASON
Jason's heart was breaking in ways he never thought it could. He had never meant to hurt her. That was never his intention. And the model? Well, he enjoyed her company and she seemed to be a distraction--for awhile. However, he knew the second Mel began to cry that whatever he had with the model was over.
He didn't know they were calling for rain that night and was instantly annoyed when he stepped out of his own hotel and into the torrents that fell. This would be just one more thing to slow him up in his short journey to her.
Seven minutes. That was all it took for him to knock on her hotel room door.
No answer.
He knocked again. "Mel? Open the door, gorgeous, it's Jason."
"I'm not here!" Her voice rang out faintly.
He had to smile. He couldn't help his amusement. Alcohol was the ultimate cause for temporary schizophrenia. Apparently it took her seven minutes to get her sense of humor back.
"Come on, Mel. Yes you are. I can hear you."
"Is SHE with you?"
"No. I'm alone. Open the door."
Finally, he heard the click of the door and she cracked it open slowly. The poor woman looked a mess. She wore pink pajama pants, a gray sweatshirt, and over-sized purple fuzzy socks. Her eyes were bloodshot and her hair was all over the place. But she was still the most beautiful thing he'd ever laid eyes on.
Upon sight of him, she broke down again. Inching his way in the door, he closed it behind him and stood there as she clutched his shirt in both fists and cried into his chest. He smoothed her hair and held her close for a
moment before he bent over and tucked his arm under her knees, scooped her up, and carried her to the bed.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, he cradled her close to him as she continued to cry, and he wrapped his arms tightly around her. Pressing his lips into the top of her head, he rocked her gently until she told him to stop. "Jason," she whispered, looking up into his eyes. "The room spins more when you do that."
He chuckled, unable to help himself. "Are you finished?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know much of anything tonight, do you?"
"I know that I'm glad you're here."
"I know I'm glad I'm here, too."
As she climbed out of his lap and onto the bed, he looked around at his surroundings. The culprit, an empty wine bottle, lay on the bed next to them, the second one just barely hanging on to the edge of the bedside
table. Moving the bottle away from the edge, and retrieving the empty one from the bed, he asked her, "When's the last time you drank any water?"
"I don't know."
"I'm kinda tired of hearing that answer."
"I don't care."
"There's a different one."
"I didn't ask you here to take care of me."
"You didn't ask me here at all, I invited myself."
"That's kinda rude, don't you think?"
"Well, did you miss me or not?"
"Yes."
"So why are you complaining?"
Mel was silent as she sat Indian-style in the middle of the bed, picking at imaginary fuzz on the comforter. Jason took it upon himself to clean up her small mess of alcohol and retrieve a water bottle from the mini
fridge. He opened it up and handed it to her. "Here, drink this."
She glowered at him. "I don't want to drink anything else."
"Drink it," he commanded.
Furrowing her brow, she took the bottle and did as she was told.
"I don't even know how you're still functioning."
"Maybe I can just hold my liquor."
"If that's what you're calling this."
"You know, if you're gonna just sit here and insult me, you can just leave. I don't need you."
"Yes, you do."
She hung her head and handed him her water bottle. He took a swig for himself before sitting it on the bedside table. "So what gives?"
"What gives what?"
"Surely this whole meeting thing isn't the only reason why you've drunk yourself sloppy tonight."
"Why not? My career is over. Everyone thinks I'm just some little Maxim bimbo and nobody'll take me seriously. I'll never get another planning job after this. Never."
"You know what, Mel? Fuck 'em. Seriously. It's gonna suck balls now anyway. You and I should go just to watch it go up in flames. Those poor bastards don't know who they let go."
She looked up at him meekly. "You think so?"
Jason scoffed. "I know so. I've been to your parties. Nobody holds a candle to you."
"You're just being nice."
"I'm being honest."
"You're biased."
"Maybe. But I'm also right."
"Why wouldn't you call?"
Jason sighed and searched her eyes, searching for an answer. "Mel--I think we should maybe have this conversation in the morning. Once you've sobered up."
"No. I want to talk about it NOW. Why wouldn't you call?"
"It was never my intention to hurt you. I stayed away to--deal. Maybe? I thought it might help me if I stayed away--"
"You wanted to forget me?"
"No. Mel, no. Never. Never. I just--I needed time. You know?"
"Why didn't you tell me about her?"
"I thought I was doing the right thing."
"Well you weren't."
"I know that now. And I'm sorry. I told you I would never hurt you and I failed. And I'm so sorry."
"I don't want us to keep secrets, Jason. That's not who we are."
"I know."
And then she started to cry again. "I'm so alone," she bawled.
"You are NOT alone," he reassured her, leaning over and moving her hair from her face.
"Yes I am. I fail at life. I fail at EVERYTHING. Tay and I--well Tay, anyway--got our invitations made and we addressed them last week. With our parents. And I got into a fight with my father. I can't send out my own wedding invitations without fighting! I can't keep a job--I give up everything. The police force, the New York Times, and now I can't even plan a party anymore! I can't keep friends, I can't keep babies, I can't do ANYTHING. Everything I touch goes to complete shit, Jason! What am I doing wrong?"
He cocked his head to the side and furrowed his brow. "Wait, back up. What do you mean, you can't keep babies? Do YOU have a secret from ME?"
Mel looked up at him guiltily, wiping her eyes. "I wasn't sure if you needed to know."
"Were you--?"
She nodded. "A couple months ago I miscarried. I didn't even know I was pregnant. And I just--lost it. Four weeks in. Gone. Never even had a chance."
"Shit, Mel..."
"Tay was there, so it was okay. I mean, it was his baby, after all..."
Jason chose to ignore the comment, not really knowing what it meant--or even if it meant anything at all in her current state--and reached over and pulled her close to him. "I wish I had known," he said.
"What could you have done?"
"I don't know. Been there? Supported you?"
"Pitied me?"
"Come on, now."
"Just when I think I have my life together, it's like it's spiraling again. The miscarriage and you leaving, and this thing today with the banquet--you disappearing on me. And even all the little things like fighting with my dad and seeing you in magazines--and now here I sit in a hotel room in LA, getting plastered alone, coming out here for no reason--everything is just getting out of hand. I can't seem to get a handle on anything." Suddenly, she stumbled up onto her knees and came eye-level with him, resting her hand on his shoulder for balance. "Jason, kiss me."
The sudden command stunned him, and he looked into her eyes, his breathing shallow. His heart nearly beat out of his chest and he swallowed a lump in his throat. "Mel--no...this is the alcohol talking..."
"No, it isn't."
"It is."
"Jason, please. Kiss me. I need you to. I need to feel something normal. I need to know that I haven't lost everything. Please."
He searched her eyes in desperation. He wanted nothing more in that moment to take her mouth with his and give her what she plead for. But he couldn't do it. He knew it was wrong. Whether she remembered it the next day or not, he didn't want to risk being the reason for any future regret. He just couldn't do it.
"Sweetheart, I can't."
Tears welled up in her eyes. "Why?" she whimpered.
"Because I'm not the man you're marrying. And you're very drunk."
"But I'm not married yet. Please. Kiss me."
He placed his hand on the side of her cheek and brought her face to his. Looking into her eyes one more time, he bypassed her lips and gently kissed her cheek.
When he released her, she hung her head. He could smell the wine as she breathed on his face and whispered, "That's not how I meant."
"I know," he said quietly, his thumb caressing her cheekbone as he wiped her tears away. "But things are different now and we're different now and it's not my place to do those things for you anymore. I'll be there for you. Always. But Taylor's going to be your husband. And you need to know you can turn to him for these things. It's his place. Not mine."
Finally, she looked up into his eyes. "Have I hit rock bottom? Is this what rock bottom is?"
He smiled at her and pulled her hair off of her neck. "As long as I walk this earth, you will never hit rock bottom."
"Is it your place to promise that?"
He nodded, still smiling. "Yes. That's my place."
"You're my best friend."
"I try to be."
"Well, you are."
"We need to get you into bed. You need to sleep."
A short while later, as he got her cleaned up and into bed, he kicked his shoes off and sat in bed with her, an arm wrapped around her. She was out almost instantaneously. Digging his phone out of his pocket, he stared at it for a moment and took a deep breath before calling Taylor.
When Taylor answered, Jason had to admit surprise. "Mel's been trying to reach you all night, but yet you answer for me," he greeted him. He hadn't meant to sound like a bastard. The last thing he wanted to do was
start a fight.
"Well she's been trying to reach you for a month to no avail, so I guess I'm the lesser of the two evils."
"Yeah, yeah, she and I already covered that. Listen, I'm calling to inform you that I am with her and she's okay, but she is completely plastered."
"Where is she now?"
"Out like a light."
"Well how the hell did that happen? And how the hell did you just magically appear out of thin air all of a sudden? Just last week she was talking about tossing your wedding invitation because she didn't know where you were."
Jason took a hit with that comment. He would never live this down and he knew it. Not for awhile, at least. "Dude, I don't know. All I know is, she sent me a shocker of a drunk text and I called her and she was already wasted out of her mind. I didn't even know she was in town."
"How much has she had?"
"Shit, I don't know. She emptied an entire wine bottle before I got here and--what, close to half of a second one?"
"Fuck. That's a lot. For her, I mean. What's going on?"
"I'll be honest, I've barely been able to understand anything she's said. Apparently this little dinner thing she was supposed to be putting together dropped her from the project because of the magazine. She's taking it
pretty rough."
"Oh shit, are you serious? You know, that never even crossed my mind when I encouraged her to do it."
"That shit shouldn't even matter. She's damn talented, that's what matters."
"You're preaching to the choir, pal."
"Anyway, she's kinda down on herself as a whole. Doing some reflecting, the whole nine yards. She told me about the miscarriage."
"Jason, look. I wanted to call you. She insisted--"
"I know. We both know how she is. I just wanted you to know what's going on. It's apparent she's going through some stuff. I don't know. But tomorrow I'm gonna put her on a plane back to Tulsa and I think it would be a good idea if you were there when she got off the plane. I'll text you the flight schedule."
"There's no place I'd rather be. Look, Jason. Thank you for calling me. And, uh, thank you for being there tonight. You're, uh, you're there for her in ways I can't be--ways I don't like to admit. But I'm grateful that she has you. Okay? And do me a favor, will you?"
Jason was touched by his words, but a little disgusted at the same time. He couldn't help it. It was a feeling he figured would never go away. "Shoot."
"Don't leave her alone tonight."
"I hadn't planned on it."
-------------------------------------------------------
MEL
The plane ride home was brutal. Mel barely had any recollection of last night, besides bits and pieces, and she was beyond shocked when she woke up next to Jason. She then proceeded to rush to the bathroom to throw
up and was still feeling incredibly woozy once she'd finished. Had Jason not crammed coffee and breakfast down her throat, she didn't know how she would have operated.
Jason. Where the hell had he come from? He recapped the night for her and humiliation didn't even begin to describe what she felt with each word that came out of his mouth. She did know, however, that she was
relieved to still have her friend. She hadn't been feeling very confident of that lately.
She wasn't surprised when she saw Taylor in the terminal when she got off the plane. She knew he'd be waiting there to pick her up and, in all honesty, she had no idea what to expect. She knew Jason had called him after she had gone to sleep the previous night. She was glad she hadn't overheard the conversation.
Tay was a sight for sore eyes and she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him without even saying a word. She had only been gone a couple of days but it felt like a lifetime. Between the bad news she'd
gotten and the massive hangover she was still feeling, all she wanted to do was go home and sleep.
Tay drove the long way home. Sometimes he just liked to drive. Sometimes she would just let him and they would ride together to god knew where, having random conversations about random things. Sometimes he just drove to drive. This time, Mel was just ready for this car ride to be over with.
When he pulled the Jeep over on a long and winding back road, Mel was annoyed. This wasn't home. She was uncomfortable and wasn't in the mood to dilly dally. She just wanted to go home and curl up on the sofa with her cat, and sleep this hangover off. Apparently, Tay had other plans.
When he opened the driver side door, she looked over at him. "What are you doing?"
"It's a beautiful day out today. We should enjoy it."
"I don't feel good. I think I'll just stay right here."
"Come on. The vitamin D will do you some good."
With a knot at the pit of her stomach, not associated with her hangover, Mel stepped out of the passenger's side and stood next to Tay as he leaned against the Jeep, his arms crossed over his chest, gazing out into the green fields. "What's this about?" she asked cautiously.
He shrugged. "I just want to talk a little."
She should have known this wouldn't be good.
"I should have been there last night," he started.
Mel sighed and massaged the bridge of her nose. "What and witness yet another temporary moment of insanity? It's really no big deal."
"Yeah, it kinda is. You called and you texted and you called and you texted. For hours. And I didn't even see any of it. You needed me and I dropped the ball. And here comes Jason, swooping in to save the day, just like he always does, making up for the things I lack. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely glad he was there, for your sake. But it should have been me."
"Well, Tay--I mean, you were working. I had no idea they were gonna boot me for that stupid shit and--yeah, maybe getting sloppy drunk wasn't the smartest of outlets I could have taken, but--I understand that you have to work. You've always worked. That's how I know you. And if it makes you feel any better, I was drunk as hell for the majority of those calls and texts, so...I didn't exactly shine my brightest last night."
"That's not the point. Last week you asked me if your friendship with him made me uncomfortable. And I guess maybe it does a little more than I thought. The truth is, he scares the shit out of me, Mel. He's always there. He always seems to know exactly what to say and do to magically make it better for you and--well, how can I compete with that? Why I can't I make everything instantly okay the way he does? What is it?"
Mel was silent for a moment, dumbfounded at his words. They had been doing so well. Everything was great. Hell, Tay was the one who decided to surprise her with Jason's presence on New Year's Eve. Were they back to square one? Was he on the verge of destroying another laptop and commanding that she never see Jason again or else? What was this? "Um. Tay, I think maybe--maybe you're seeing things as...bigger...than what they actually are. You're just--you're two completely different people. Two completely different relationships. I don't really know what to say about it. I just know--I mean, I don't know how else to convince you that you have no reason not to trust me."
"I do trust you."
"It doesn't sound like you do. Still."
Tay was silent for a moment as he stood in the same position, his arms crossed, his eyes searching the green fields in front of them. Finally he sighed. "Do you ever wonder if maybe we're moving a little too fast with
this?"
Mel's head whipped over at him. "No."
Finally, he looked over at her. "Why do you want to marry me? Why not him?"
Her heart pounded and her head spun. Every time he opened his mouth, she nearly had a heart attack. So she spoke slowly and carefully. "I have never once, in all these years, been nervous about the concept of marrying
you--until right now."
"Never?"
"Not once. Are you having second thoughts?"
"No. I just--I guess--I just don't feel like I'm good enough for you. Like--you deserve more than me. Better than me. You know?"
She scowled at him. "No," she said curtly. "I don't know."
"The second I saw Jason on my caller ID last night, I knew I was a failure," he said. "I just knew. He and I only call each other when something happens to you."
"Didn't realize you had a routine," she muttered dryly.
"If I hadn't been so damn caught up and answered my phone, I could have rescued you last night. I could have saved you. Like I'm supposed to. But instead, here I am, holed up in a studio, while another man is in LA with you, doing my job for me. Why wouldn't that make me feel inferior? I remember when I first met him. I hated him with a passion because when I saw you with him, I saw YOU. He never failed to make you smile. And all I seem to know how to do is cause you pain and there he is, picking up the pieces. Every damn time. How could I not be nervous about all that?"
"You were married to Natalie for ten years," she responded quietly. "How do I know you don't miss her? How do you know that that doesn't worry me? That you might wake up one morning and decide you'd rather be with her again? How do you know that doesn't make me nervous?"
"Does it?"
"No. Because I know you love me. And that's enough."
After a moment, Tay looked her hard in the eyes. "You do know that I am one hundred percent, completely devoted to you, right?"
Narrowing her eyes at him, she nodded. "Yeah."
"Okay." And with that, Tay rounded the car and got back behind the wheel.
The rest of the ride home was completely silent.
-------------------------
Mel didn't say much for the rest of the evening. It certainly wasn't attributed to her hangover anymore. She just couldn't. She had no idea what to make of the conversation she and Taylor had had and her nerves were completely shot.
Within a few hours, Tay had seemingly gotten over the entire thing, reverting back to his old, normal self. How did he do that? Act like nothing had happened? Act like he had never suggested that maybe they were
moving too fast and having the audacity to ask her why she wouldn't marry Jason? The entire thing was just entirely too bizarre and she still had no idea how to feel about it.
She went to bed before Tay did. In her tank top and shorts, she crawled into bed and curled up in a ball, her eyes wide open. Her body wanted to sleep but her mind wouldn't slow down. She would have cried had she felt like she had any tears left. When he came into the room and began to get ready for bed, she snapped her eyes shut, feigning sleep. She wasn't sure why she did this. She didn't know why she felt like he needed
to believe she was sleeping. Was it maybe because she was afraid he might talk to her again and she didn't want to hear it? She knew deep down that was exactly it.
When he climbed into bed beside her, he didn't turn off his lamp immediately. She knew his routine by now. Browse his phone for a minute. Set the alarm on it. Put on his glasses and pick up his book. Read until his eyes grew heavy. Turn off the lamp and roll over.
So when the first thing he did upon getting into bed was come over to her side and wrap an arm around her, she couldn't help but be a little surprised. However, the numbness her current emotions made her feel
wouldn't allow her to express it. She simply blinked into the dim light of her side of the room.
"You have no idea how much I love you," he said quietly, kissing her shoulder gently.
Mel remained silent.
"It's my job, as a man, to be strong and make you feel secure. In everything. To keep you safe and protect you from the evils that be. Call me old-fashioned, but it's the truth. And I'm kinda doing a shitty job of it, aren't I?"
"You keep saying that," Mel said in a voice that was nearly inaudible. She didn't really care if he could hear her or not. "But all that stuff you said earlier does make me uneasy about it. What am I supposed to think? How is that supposed to make me feel?"
"Babe--"
"Do you WANT to marry me?"
"Of course I do. I've never wanted anything more in my entire life."
"Then why did you say those things?"
Tay sighed and she felt his forehead collapse on the back of her shoulder. "I didn't mean it. I was feeling down on myself and I said some things I shouldn't have said..."
"There's always some truth to the things people say."
"I screwed up."
"Did you know that Jason and I have never pursued a relationship together? Ever?"
She felt his head lift from her skin. "What are you talking about?"
"We never tried it. We never even discussed it. He knew from day one it was never an option. Through everything, through you taking your time and choosing to stay with Natalie--through every single bit of it, we
never once discussed the possibility of commitment. Because of you. Because I never had one single shred of doubt about how I loved you. Through all the fighting and the screaming and crying, I knew in the end it
would be you and me. And I was right. And that's why I waited. I waited for you and it's been more than worth it."
"Mel--"
"You're the one who couldn't commit to me," she continued quietly. "You're the one who took your time and even chose Natalie over me, over the promises you made to me. And I'm the one who waited. The whole time. And yet here you are, questioning why I would want to marry you and having the audacity of accusing Jason of being a better man than you while you wallow in your own self-pity, when maybe the question here should be why do YOU want to marry ME? You're not the one who just took a blow to their career here over a stupid magazine. And, somehow, what has happened to ME in the last twenty-four hours, has been turned around to be all about you. I mean, am I being selfish here, or what? Tell me what you want from me."
Pulling her shoulder toward him so that she was laying on her back, he looked into her eyes said softly, "I want you to forgive me. For all of it. Everything."
"I already did. A long time ago."
"How do I fix it? How do I take it all back?"
Mel shook her head. "You don't. What's done is done. Now I guess we just chalk it up to cold feet and self-loathing and call it a night. I'm really sleepy."
"Mel. I need you. I really do."
She searched his eyes and her heart melted. Just like that. All the apprehension and uncertainty flew right out the window in that moment. She wriggled her arm out from underneath him and pulled his head to rest under
her chin. Enveloping him with her other arm, she stroked his hair and kissed his forehead as she hummed softly to him.
Sure, maybe Tay believed it was his job as a man to be strong and protect her. But every now and then, even the strongest man needed someone to protect him, too.
MEL
A week later, Mel found herself in Los Angeles to attend a board meeting for the banquet she was helping organize for benefactors of the children's hospital. She had hoped that Taylor would come along, but with MOE being so close, there was no way he could tear himself away, even for a weekend. So Mel trekked it alone and was now wishing she had never even shown up.
Mel barely made it in the door of the dinner meeting before she was met by the chair of the committee. "Oh,
Melody. You're here," the chairwoman said.
Mel smiled at her. "Yes. I apologize if I'm late--"
"You're not late at all. Um, I had hoped the message would have found its way to you before you traveled all this way..."
Mel narrowed her eyes. "What message?"
"Um, you see, there's been a vote. And unfortunately, due to your, uh, recent dealings with Maxim magazine, the rest of board doesn't think it would be appropriate if you headed this project any longer. It's an image the organization would rather not be associated with."
"You're kidding..."
The chairwoman shook her head, regretfully. "I wish I was. It has nothing to do with your abilities to do the job--your services just may be better suited to...well, to events more your speed..."
"This IS my speed. Have you seen what I've accomplished? Have you even read my resume? Called my
references?"
"I'm sorry, Miss Banks. We do appreciate the effort you've put in so far. We'll take it from here."
-------------------
And so Mel made her way back to her hotel. Blowing Tay's phone up was absolutely no use. He wasn't
answering. Or texting her back. Or anything. And she knew nobody was in the business office now, so calling the land line was futile. So she decided to pick up a couple of bottles of wine on the way back to her hotel and drown her sorrows in alcohol. Seemed like the thing to do in a situation like this.
After finding herself without a bottle opener, and having room service come up and do the deed for her, she changed into her bedclothes and propped herself on the bed, glancing over at the clock on the bedside table. Eight thirty. Mel scoffed and took her first swig of wine, straight from the bottle. Who needed glasses or the little plastic cups provided by the hotel? This was a party of one.
She flipped channels on the television. There was nothing on. Not a damn thing she was interested in. So she turned it to the most mindless program she could think of and left it there. She texted Tay some more. No response. Played a couple games on her phone. Surfed the internet. And then she repeated steps one through three.
She hadn't realized she was as drunk as she was until she got up to pee and realized that the bottle was nearly empty. Stumbling back to her bed, she glanced up at the television, an advertisement for a tabloid news show to air later that night. Right there on the screen, in her room, was Jason and that damn blonde model.
Scowling drunkenly at the screen, she fished her cell phone from the bed beside her and checked her messages. Still nothing from Tay. But no matter now. She was on a different mission. Slowly and carefully, she typed into her phone, "I guess it's true that all Hollywood types are all the same. Only keeping me around
until something better comes along."
And then she tossed her phone to the side and drained the bottle.
Fishing the second bottle from her mini fridge and barely making it back to the bed, she smiled at the way the cool, fresh liquid felt in her mouth as she started on the new bottle. She was pretty wasted at this point, but did she care? Absolutely not.
She was caught off guard when her phone then rang and she could barely get her hands on it. Excited that it was Tay, she picked it up and squinted her eyes at the screen. Jason?
"Hello," she said abruptly into the phone once she figured out how to answer it.
"What in the fuck do you mean by sending me a text like that?" Jason greeted her angrily.
"Did I lie?" she retorted, taking another swig of wine.
"It's complete fucking bullshit!"
"Is it? Jason Kamealoha, action star, most eligible Hollywood bachelor? Is it bullshit? Is it bullshit how you apparently like to just fuck every random lingerie model that bats a fucking eyelash in your direction?"
"What the fu--are you drunk, Mel? Are you drinking?"
"So what if I am? What's it to you? You don't give a shit."
"I'm not talking to you if you're like this."
"She's there, isn't she? Your blonde whore is probably right there in the bed beside you, isn't she?"
"Of all the stunts you've pulled--"
"Of all the stunts I'VE pulled? You've pulled one hell of a disappearing act. You'd fucking put Houdini to shame, had I not had to find out about her through some goddamn sleazeball magazine. Had my best
friend not been fucking honest with me first. I see what I really mean to you. You lie like all the rest of them."
"Mel, that is NOT fair. You know what you mean to me--"
"Well apparently I DON'T. Because REAL friends don't just drop off the face of the earth. REAL friends don't ditch each other for blonde bimbo whores!"
"Where is Taylor? Is he with you?"
"I don't know where he is. Somewhere with Ike and Zac. Working. He's not answering his phone. I don't know. Fucking...fucking time zones and...shit, I don't know. Where the fuck are you?"
"I'm in LA," Jason answered. "What are you talking about, time zones?"
Suddenly, Mel found herself bawling. "Everything is just so fucked up, Jason. I don't know what to do!"
"Oh god, Mel," Jason sighed into the phone. "What's going on? Please don't cry."
"I went to a fucking board meeting for a banquet I'm supposed to organize in LA and I didn't even get in the door before they fucking gave me the boot. They dropped me because of Maxim, Jason! They said they didn't
wanna be associated with that image and that I should stick to events more suited to my...whatever the fuck, I don't know. I've never been so humiliated in my entire life!"
"Well who the hell do they think they are anyway?"
"I don't know," Mel continued crying. "Like, I guess they think maybe I should, like, call up Hugh Hefner and start organizing shit for HIS whores, I don't fucking know! That's apparently how they see me now. Like a fucking bimbo. Is that why you left me, Jason? Did you leave me because of Maxim, too?"
"Sweetheart, I never left you," he said softly.
"Yes you did," she sniffed. "Yes you did. I called and I texted and I called and I texted and you blatantly ignored me and then I find out a month later that you're dating some...some fucking Victoria's Secret model, like--like you just threw me away or something!" She sniffed again and got quiet. "You told me you would never leave me. You're the one person I thought would never leave me."
"Mel--I didn't mean to hurt you. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt you."
Fresh tears started all over again. "I miss you, Jason," she squeaked. "I miss your face and your eyes and your arms--I miss you, Jason. I just need you to hold me. Like you used to. I just--I just need you!"
"Where are you?"
"I don't know!" Mel bawled.
"You mentioned LA earlier. Are you in LA?"
Mel nodded into the phone.
"Mel? Are you there?"
"Yes."
"Are you in LA?"
"Yes."
"How much have you had to drink?"
"I don't know..."
"What hotel are you in?"
"I don't know!" Fresh tears. There seemed to be a new outburst every time she opened her mouth.
"Come on, Mel. Calm down. Yes, you do, you know where you are."
Sniffing tears back, attempting to calm herself as best she could in her drunken stupor, she managed to rattle off the name of the hotel.
"What room are you in?"
Mel shook her head and looked around, the room spinning. "I don't know. There's, like, a three and a five and a six...I think..."
"I'm coming right now."
"But--but, Jason--you don't even know where I am! I don't even know where I am! Nobody knows where I am!"
"Give me ten minutes and not a second longer. I'm literally about two blocks from you."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
JASON
Jason's heart was breaking in ways he never thought it could. He had never meant to hurt her. That was never his intention. And the model? Well, he enjoyed her company and she seemed to be a distraction--for awhile. However, he knew the second Mel began to cry that whatever he had with the model was over.
He didn't know they were calling for rain that night and was instantly annoyed when he stepped out of his own hotel and into the torrents that fell. This would be just one more thing to slow him up in his short journey to her.
Seven minutes. That was all it took for him to knock on her hotel room door.
No answer.
He knocked again. "Mel? Open the door, gorgeous, it's Jason."
"I'm not here!" Her voice rang out faintly.
He had to smile. He couldn't help his amusement. Alcohol was the ultimate cause for temporary schizophrenia. Apparently it took her seven minutes to get her sense of humor back.
"Come on, Mel. Yes you are. I can hear you."
"Is SHE with you?"
"No. I'm alone. Open the door."
Finally, he heard the click of the door and she cracked it open slowly. The poor woman looked a mess. She wore pink pajama pants, a gray sweatshirt, and over-sized purple fuzzy socks. Her eyes were bloodshot and her hair was all over the place. But she was still the most beautiful thing he'd ever laid eyes on.
Upon sight of him, she broke down again. Inching his way in the door, he closed it behind him and stood there as she clutched his shirt in both fists and cried into his chest. He smoothed her hair and held her close for a
moment before he bent over and tucked his arm under her knees, scooped her up, and carried her to the bed.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, he cradled her close to him as she continued to cry, and he wrapped his arms tightly around her. Pressing his lips into the top of her head, he rocked her gently until she told him to stop. "Jason," she whispered, looking up into his eyes. "The room spins more when you do that."
He chuckled, unable to help himself. "Are you finished?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know much of anything tonight, do you?"
"I know that I'm glad you're here."
"I know I'm glad I'm here, too."
As she climbed out of his lap and onto the bed, he looked around at his surroundings. The culprit, an empty wine bottle, lay on the bed next to them, the second one just barely hanging on to the edge of the bedside
table. Moving the bottle away from the edge, and retrieving the empty one from the bed, he asked her, "When's the last time you drank any water?"
"I don't know."
"I'm kinda tired of hearing that answer."
"I don't care."
"There's a different one."
"I didn't ask you here to take care of me."
"You didn't ask me here at all, I invited myself."
"That's kinda rude, don't you think?"
"Well, did you miss me or not?"
"Yes."
"So why are you complaining?"
Mel was silent as she sat Indian-style in the middle of the bed, picking at imaginary fuzz on the comforter. Jason took it upon himself to clean up her small mess of alcohol and retrieve a water bottle from the mini
fridge. He opened it up and handed it to her. "Here, drink this."
She glowered at him. "I don't want to drink anything else."
"Drink it," he commanded.
Furrowing her brow, she took the bottle and did as she was told.
"I don't even know how you're still functioning."
"Maybe I can just hold my liquor."
"If that's what you're calling this."
"You know, if you're gonna just sit here and insult me, you can just leave. I don't need you."
"Yes, you do."
She hung her head and handed him her water bottle. He took a swig for himself before sitting it on the bedside table. "So what gives?"
"What gives what?"
"Surely this whole meeting thing isn't the only reason why you've drunk yourself sloppy tonight."
"Why not? My career is over. Everyone thinks I'm just some little Maxim bimbo and nobody'll take me seriously. I'll never get another planning job after this. Never."
"You know what, Mel? Fuck 'em. Seriously. It's gonna suck balls now anyway. You and I should go just to watch it go up in flames. Those poor bastards don't know who they let go."
She looked up at him meekly. "You think so?"
Jason scoffed. "I know so. I've been to your parties. Nobody holds a candle to you."
"You're just being nice."
"I'm being honest."
"You're biased."
"Maybe. But I'm also right."
"Why wouldn't you call?"
Jason sighed and searched her eyes, searching for an answer. "Mel--I think we should maybe have this conversation in the morning. Once you've sobered up."
"No. I want to talk about it NOW. Why wouldn't you call?"
"It was never my intention to hurt you. I stayed away to--deal. Maybe? I thought it might help me if I stayed away--"
"You wanted to forget me?"
"No. Mel, no. Never. Never. I just--I needed time. You know?"
"Why didn't you tell me about her?"
"I thought I was doing the right thing."
"Well you weren't."
"I know that now. And I'm sorry. I told you I would never hurt you and I failed. And I'm so sorry."
"I don't want us to keep secrets, Jason. That's not who we are."
"I know."
And then she started to cry again. "I'm so alone," she bawled.
"You are NOT alone," he reassured her, leaning over and moving her hair from her face.
"Yes I am. I fail at life. I fail at EVERYTHING. Tay and I--well Tay, anyway--got our invitations made and we addressed them last week. With our parents. And I got into a fight with my father. I can't send out my own wedding invitations without fighting! I can't keep a job--I give up everything. The police force, the New York Times, and now I can't even plan a party anymore! I can't keep friends, I can't keep babies, I can't do ANYTHING. Everything I touch goes to complete shit, Jason! What am I doing wrong?"
He cocked his head to the side and furrowed his brow. "Wait, back up. What do you mean, you can't keep babies? Do YOU have a secret from ME?"
Mel looked up at him guiltily, wiping her eyes. "I wasn't sure if you needed to know."
"Were you--?"
She nodded. "A couple months ago I miscarried. I didn't even know I was pregnant. And I just--lost it. Four weeks in. Gone. Never even had a chance."
"Shit, Mel..."
"Tay was there, so it was okay. I mean, it was his baby, after all..."
Jason chose to ignore the comment, not really knowing what it meant--or even if it meant anything at all in her current state--and reached over and pulled her close to him. "I wish I had known," he said.
"What could you have done?"
"I don't know. Been there? Supported you?"
"Pitied me?"
"Come on, now."
"Just when I think I have my life together, it's like it's spiraling again. The miscarriage and you leaving, and this thing today with the banquet--you disappearing on me. And even all the little things like fighting with my dad and seeing you in magazines--and now here I sit in a hotel room in LA, getting plastered alone, coming out here for no reason--everything is just getting out of hand. I can't seem to get a handle on anything." Suddenly, she stumbled up onto her knees and came eye-level with him, resting her hand on his shoulder for balance. "Jason, kiss me."
The sudden command stunned him, and he looked into her eyes, his breathing shallow. His heart nearly beat out of his chest and he swallowed a lump in his throat. "Mel--no...this is the alcohol talking..."
"No, it isn't."
"It is."
"Jason, please. Kiss me. I need you to. I need to feel something normal. I need to know that I haven't lost everything. Please."
He searched her eyes in desperation. He wanted nothing more in that moment to take her mouth with his and give her what she plead for. But he couldn't do it. He knew it was wrong. Whether she remembered it the next day or not, he didn't want to risk being the reason for any future regret. He just couldn't do it.
"Sweetheart, I can't."
Tears welled up in her eyes. "Why?" she whimpered.
"Because I'm not the man you're marrying. And you're very drunk."
"But I'm not married yet. Please. Kiss me."
He placed his hand on the side of her cheek and brought her face to his. Looking into her eyes one more time, he bypassed her lips and gently kissed her cheek.
When he released her, she hung her head. He could smell the wine as she breathed on his face and whispered, "That's not how I meant."
"I know," he said quietly, his thumb caressing her cheekbone as he wiped her tears away. "But things are different now and we're different now and it's not my place to do those things for you anymore. I'll be there for you. Always. But Taylor's going to be your husband. And you need to know you can turn to him for these things. It's his place. Not mine."
Finally, she looked up into his eyes. "Have I hit rock bottom? Is this what rock bottom is?"
He smiled at her and pulled her hair off of her neck. "As long as I walk this earth, you will never hit rock bottom."
"Is it your place to promise that?"
He nodded, still smiling. "Yes. That's my place."
"You're my best friend."
"I try to be."
"Well, you are."
"We need to get you into bed. You need to sleep."
A short while later, as he got her cleaned up and into bed, he kicked his shoes off and sat in bed with her, an arm wrapped around her. She was out almost instantaneously. Digging his phone out of his pocket, he stared at it for a moment and took a deep breath before calling Taylor.
When Taylor answered, Jason had to admit surprise. "Mel's been trying to reach you all night, but yet you answer for me," he greeted him. He hadn't meant to sound like a bastard. The last thing he wanted to do was
start a fight.
"Well she's been trying to reach you for a month to no avail, so I guess I'm the lesser of the two evils."
"Yeah, yeah, she and I already covered that. Listen, I'm calling to inform you that I am with her and she's okay, but she is completely plastered."
"Where is she now?"
"Out like a light."
"Well how the hell did that happen? And how the hell did you just magically appear out of thin air all of a sudden? Just last week she was talking about tossing your wedding invitation because she didn't know where you were."
Jason took a hit with that comment. He would never live this down and he knew it. Not for awhile, at least. "Dude, I don't know. All I know is, she sent me a shocker of a drunk text and I called her and she was already wasted out of her mind. I didn't even know she was in town."
"How much has she had?"
"Shit, I don't know. She emptied an entire wine bottle before I got here and--what, close to half of a second one?"
"Fuck. That's a lot. For her, I mean. What's going on?"
"I'll be honest, I've barely been able to understand anything she's said. Apparently this little dinner thing she was supposed to be putting together dropped her from the project because of the magazine. She's taking it
pretty rough."
"Oh shit, are you serious? You know, that never even crossed my mind when I encouraged her to do it."
"That shit shouldn't even matter. She's damn talented, that's what matters."
"You're preaching to the choir, pal."
"Anyway, she's kinda down on herself as a whole. Doing some reflecting, the whole nine yards. She told me about the miscarriage."
"Jason, look. I wanted to call you. She insisted--"
"I know. We both know how she is. I just wanted you to know what's going on. It's apparent she's going through some stuff. I don't know. But tomorrow I'm gonna put her on a plane back to Tulsa and I think it would be a good idea if you were there when she got off the plane. I'll text you the flight schedule."
"There's no place I'd rather be. Look, Jason. Thank you for calling me. And, uh, thank you for being there tonight. You're, uh, you're there for her in ways I can't be--ways I don't like to admit. But I'm grateful that she has you. Okay? And do me a favor, will you?"
Jason was touched by his words, but a little disgusted at the same time. He couldn't help it. It was a feeling he figured would never go away. "Shoot."
"Don't leave her alone tonight."
"I hadn't planned on it."
-------------------------------------------------------
MEL
The plane ride home was brutal. Mel barely had any recollection of last night, besides bits and pieces, and she was beyond shocked when she woke up next to Jason. She then proceeded to rush to the bathroom to throw
up and was still feeling incredibly woozy once she'd finished. Had Jason not crammed coffee and breakfast down her throat, she didn't know how she would have operated.
Jason. Where the hell had he come from? He recapped the night for her and humiliation didn't even begin to describe what she felt with each word that came out of his mouth. She did know, however, that she was
relieved to still have her friend. She hadn't been feeling very confident of that lately.
She wasn't surprised when she saw Taylor in the terminal when she got off the plane. She knew he'd be waiting there to pick her up and, in all honesty, she had no idea what to expect. She knew Jason had called him after she had gone to sleep the previous night. She was glad she hadn't overheard the conversation.
Tay was a sight for sore eyes and she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him without even saying a word. She had only been gone a couple of days but it felt like a lifetime. Between the bad news she'd
gotten and the massive hangover she was still feeling, all she wanted to do was go home and sleep.
Tay drove the long way home. Sometimes he just liked to drive. Sometimes she would just let him and they would ride together to god knew where, having random conversations about random things. Sometimes he just drove to drive. This time, Mel was just ready for this car ride to be over with.
When he pulled the Jeep over on a long and winding back road, Mel was annoyed. This wasn't home. She was uncomfortable and wasn't in the mood to dilly dally. She just wanted to go home and curl up on the sofa with her cat, and sleep this hangover off. Apparently, Tay had other plans.
When he opened the driver side door, she looked over at him. "What are you doing?"
"It's a beautiful day out today. We should enjoy it."
"I don't feel good. I think I'll just stay right here."
"Come on. The vitamin D will do you some good."
With a knot at the pit of her stomach, not associated with her hangover, Mel stepped out of the passenger's side and stood next to Tay as he leaned against the Jeep, his arms crossed over his chest, gazing out into the green fields. "What's this about?" she asked cautiously.
He shrugged. "I just want to talk a little."
She should have known this wouldn't be good.
"I should have been there last night," he started.
Mel sighed and massaged the bridge of her nose. "What and witness yet another temporary moment of insanity? It's really no big deal."
"Yeah, it kinda is. You called and you texted and you called and you texted. For hours. And I didn't even see any of it. You needed me and I dropped the ball. And here comes Jason, swooping in to save the day, just like he always does, making up for the things I lack. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely glad he was there, for your sake. But it should have been me."
"Well, Tay--I mean, you were working. I had no idea they were gonna boot me for that stupid shit and--yeah, maybe getting sloppy drunk wasn't the smartest of outlets I could have taken, but--I understand that you have to work. You've always worked. That's how I know you. And if it makes you feel any better, I was drunk as hell for the majority of those calls and texts, so...I didn't exactly shine my brightest last night."
"That's not the point. Last week you asked me if your friendship with him made me uncomfortable. And I guess maybe it does a little more than I thought. The truth is, he scares the shit out of me, Mel. He's always there. He always seems to know exactly what to say and do to magically make it better for you and--well, how can I compete with that? Why I can't I make everything instantly okay the way he does? What is it?"
Mel was silent for a moment, dumbfounded at his words. They had been doing so well. Everything was great. Hell, Tay was the one who decided to surprise her with Jason's presence on New Year's Eve. Were they back to square one? Was he on the verge of destroying another laptop and commanding that she never see Jason again or else? What was this? "Um. Tay, I think maybe--maybe you're seeing things as...bigger...than what they actually are. You're just--you're two completely different people. Two completely different relationships. I don't really know what to say about it. I just know--I mean, I don't know how else to convince you that you have no reason not to trust me."
"I do trust you."
"It doesn't sound like you do. Still."
Tay was silent for a moment as he stood in the same position, his arms crossed, his eyes searching the green fields in front of them. Finally he sighed. "Do you ever wonder if maybe we're moving a little too fast with
this?"
Mel's head whipped over at him. "No."
Finally, he looked over at her. "Why do you want to marry me? Why not him?"
Her heart pounded and her head spun. Every time he opened his mouth, she nearly had a heart attack. So she spoke slowly and carefully. "I have never once, in all these years, been nervous about the concept of marrying
you--until right now."
"Never?"
"Not once. Are you having second thoughts?"
"No. I just--I guess--I just don't feel like I'm good enough for you. Like--you deserve more than me. Better than me. You know?"
She scowled at him. "No," she said curtly. "I don't know."
"The second I saw Jason on my caller ID last night, I knew I was a failure," he said. "I just knew. He and I only call each other when something happens to you."
"Didn't realize you had a routine," she muttered dryly.
"If I hadn't been so damn caught up and answered my phone, I could have rescued you last night. I could have saved you. Like I'm supposed to. But instead, here I am, holed up in a studio, while another man is in LA with you, doing my job for me. Why wouldn't that make me feel inferior? I remember when I first met him. I hated him with a passion because when I saw you with him, I saw YOU. He never failed to make you smile. And all I seem to know how to do is cause you pain and there he is, picking up the pieces. Every damn time. How could I not be nervous about all that?"
"You were married to Natalie for ten years," she responded quietly. "How do I know you don't miss her? How do you know that that doesn't worry me? That you might wake up one morning and decide you'd rather be with her again? How do you know that doesn't make me nervous?"
"Does it?"
"No. Because I know you love me. And that's enough."
After a moment, Tay looked her hard in the eyes. "You do know that I am one hundred percent, completely devoted to you, right?"
Narrowing her eyes at him, she nodded. "Yeah."
"Okay." And with that, Tay rounded the car and got back behind the wheel.
The rest of the ride home was completely silent.
-------------------------
Mel didn't say much for the rest of the evening. It certainly wasn't attributed to her hangover anymore. She just couldn't. She had no idea what to make of the conversation she and Taylor had had and her nerves were completely shot.
Within a few hours, Tay had seemingly gotten over the entire thing, reverting back to his old, normal self. How did he do that? Act like nothing had happened? Act like he had never suggested that maybe they were
moving too fast and having the audacity to ask her why she wouldn't marry Jason? The entire thing was just entirely too bizarre and she still had no idea how to feel about it.
She went to bed before Tay did. In her tank top and shorts, she crawled into bed and curled up in a ball, her eyes wide open. Her body wanted to sleep but her mind wouldn't slow down. She would have cried had she felt like she had any tears left. When he came into the room and began to get ready for bed, she snapped her eyes shut, feigning sleep. She wasn't sure why she did this. She didn't know why she felt like he needed
to believe she was sleeping. Was it maybe because she was afraid he might talk to her again and she didn't want to hear it? She knew deep down that was exactly it.
When he climbed into bed beside her, he didn't turn off his lamp immediately. She knew his routine by now. Browse his phone for a minute. Set the alarm on it. Put on his glasses and pick up his book. Read until his eyes grew heavy. Turn off the lamp and roll over.
So when the first thing he did upon getting into bed was come over to her side and wrap an arm around her, she couldn't help but be a little surprised. However, the numbness her current emotions made her feel
wouldn't allow her to express it. She simply blinked into the dim light of her side of the room.
"You have no idea how much I love you," he said quietly, kissing her shoulder gently.
Mel remained silent.
"It's my job, as a man, to be strong and make you feel secure. In everything. To keep you safe and protect you from the evils that be. Call me old-fashioned, but it's the truth. And I'm kinda doing a shitty job of it, aren't I?"
"You keep saying that," Mel said in a voice that was nearly inaudible. She didn't really care if he could hear her or not. "But all that stuff you said earlier does make me uneasy about it. What am I supposed to think? How is that supposed to make me feel?"
"Babe--"
"Do you WANT to marry me?"
"Of course I do. I've never wanted anything more in my entire life."
"Then why did you say those things?"
Tay sighed and she felt his forehead collapse on the back of her shoulder. "I didn't mean it. I was feeling down on myself and I said some things I shouldn't have said..."
"There's always some truth to the things people say."
"I screwed up."
"Did you know that Jason and I have never pursued a relationship together? Ever?"
She felt his head lift from her skin. "What are you talking about?"
"We never tried it. We never even discussed it. He knew from day one it was never an option. Through everything, through you taking your time and choosing to stay with Natalie--through every single bit of it, we
never once discussed the possibility of commitment. Because of you. Because I never had one single shred of doubt about how I loved you. Through all the fighting and the screaming and crying, I knew in the end it
would be you and me. And I was right. And that's why I waited. I waited for you and it's been more than worth it."
"Mel--"
"You're the one who couldn't commit to me," she continued quietly. "You're the one who took your time and even chose Natalie over me, over the promises you made to me. And I'm the one who waited. The whole time. And yet here you are, questioning why I would want to marry you and having the audacity of accusing Jason of being a better man than you while you wallow in your own self-pity, when maybe the question here should be why do YOU want to marry ME? You're not the one who just took a blow to their career here over a stupid magazine. And, somehow, what has happened to ME in the last twenty-four hours, has been turned around to be all about you. I mean, am I being selfish here, or what? Tell me what you want from me."
Pulling her shoulder toward him so that she was laying on her back, he looked into her eyes said softly, "I want you to forgive me. For all of it. Everything."
"I already did. A long time ago."
"How do I fix it? How do I take it all back?"
Mel shook her head. "You don't. What's done is done. Now I guess we just chalk it up to cold feet and self-loathing and call it a night. I'm really sleepy."
"Mel. I need you. I really do."
She searched his eyes and her heart melted. Just like that. All the apprehension and uncertainty flew right out the window in that moment. She wriggled her arm out from underneath him and pulled his head to rest under
her chin. Enveloping him with her other arm, she stroked his hair and kissed his forehead as she hummed softly to him.
Sure, maybe Tay believed it was his job as a man to be strong and protect her. But every now and then, even the strongest man needed someone to protect him, too.