SESSION ONE
MEL
"Well, welcome to my little office," Pastor Derek Bradley said after the initial introductions.
Mel and Taylor sat in the two chairs across his desk and Mel smiled shyly. She was trying to be nice--to be open about this concept. After all, it was her idea to have a religious wedding. Unfortunately, unnecessary premarital counseling was a requirement if she wanted to be married by a religious authority. She planned to say all the right things, pass these things with flying colors, and successfully marry Taylor. She prayed this would fly by.
"And welcome to session one of six on your journey to marriage."
Mel's heart sank. Six sessions? She thought this one would be it.
Pastor Derek Bradley was someone Tay had known for a long, long time. He was a family friend and he had married Zac and Kate and Isaac and Nikki. Tay thought it only made sense that he marry himself and Mel. Since Tay knew him so well, this made Mel hopeful that this would be easy breezy.
"So when's the big day?" Derek asked.
"October 20th," Tay smiled across the desk. "In Texas."
"Texas, huh? Where at?"
"The Corinthian Houston."
"Oh, fantastic location. Well you're obviously excited, then. I can tell."
Tay blushed and Mel's heart melted at how adorably he smiled at the pastor's observation of him.
"How about you, Melody?" Derek asked.
"Um, call me Mel."
Derek smiled. "Okay, Mel. You're excited, as well?"
"Oh, absolutely," she smiled. "I've been trying to talk him into eloping, I'm so excited." Mel liked where this was going. She was feeling it. This would be easy, especially since she meant every word that came out of her mouth.
Derek chuckled. "Well that's great to hear, I'm so glad. So, uh, both of you have been married previously, I understand? Well, I know Taylor has. But you as well, Mel?"
"Um, yes. I'm a widow." Mel lied. Technically. The only people in the world besides the FBI that knew her first husband, John, was alive was her, Tay and his brothers, Drew, and Jason. To the rest of the world, he no longer existed.
"And how is that for you?"
Mel stole a quick glance over at Tay. Was this necessary? She wasn't expecting this. It felt like a therapy session. "Um, it's--I mean, I was given an, um, unbelievable opportunity for closure--Tay was there--albeit it was a few years after his death, but I got closure. I mean, I miss him as a person--we were best friends for seven years. But I'm okay. It's over and it's done. I don't really know what else I'm supposed to say, here."
Derek smiled warmly. "There are no right or wrong answers here. I just like to try to get to know my couples, is all." Then he looked at Tay. "Taylor, how about you? It's been--well, it hasn't been so long since your divorce, correct?"
"It was necessary," he said shortly. Bluntly.
Mel wasn't sure why his abrupt answer startled her like it did. Maybe it was his tone? His lack of support in his response? Tay was a talker, the entire world knew it. So for him to shut it down the way he did meant that Derek had obviously struck a nerve. She wasn't sure how she felt about this.
His answer had obviously made Derek slightly uncomfortable, as well, and he shifted in his desk chair, adjusting his light blue polo shirt in the process. "I understand that it was, but you spent ten years with her and it hasn't been very long. You have to admit that. How do you feel about it now?"
Mel looked over at Tay as Tay looked hard and stone-faced across the desk at Derek. "I thought this was about Mel and me?"
"Taylor, every aspect of who you are--past, present, and future--is involved in your relationship. Whether you realize it, or want it to be, or not."
Tay slouched in his chair a little, resting his right ankle on his left knee. "Fine. We were married, Mel came back into my life, Natalie screwed me, I divorced her, and now I'm marrying the love of my life. It's as it should be. Fate played its cards in my favor. It's pretty much that simple."
"I'm sensing a lot of resentment in your tone."
"Of course there's resentment," Tay's voice rose a little louder in his annoyance. "For ten years that woman lied to me. For ten years I wasted my life when I could have been out, finding HER--" he pointed over to Mel with his thumb. "--and keeping her from being a widow. Her entire life crashed down as a result of a series of events jumpstarted by ME and instead of finding her and making it right--and taking her BACK--I go and waste ten years of my life with a woman who couldn't even be honest with me. So, yeah. Resentment is a mild way of putting it."
"Do you think you're upset at your ex wife or upset with yourself?"
Tay's heel tapped the floor nervously and he studied Derek across the desk. The office was silent for what felt like an eternity. Finally, Tay spoke quietly. "I never thought I'd see her again."
"Who? Mel?"
Tay nodded.
"Are you saying you were in a loveless marriage with your ex?"
"Well, I mean--at the time I didn't think I was, but--well, looking back now, it didn't feel a thing like it feels with Mel. Not even close. I thought about Mel every single day for ten whole years--whether I realized it or not, she was always there. But Natalie was just--benign. She wasn't horrible to be around. I guess I just got comfortable."
"And now?"
"And now what?"
"How do you feel now?"
"I just told you."
"Do you miss Natalie?"
"No."
"You answered rather quickly, would you like to think it over?"
"No. If I had to think about it, I would have. The woman I love is sitting right beside me. I've loved her since I was three. I don't miss Natalie."
"Do you miss any parts of your relationship with her?"
"Why aren't you asking Mel any of this?"
"Because Natalie is alive."
"I mean--she supported me and my career--I mean, that was good of her, but I can't say I MISS it. She isn't Mel. She never has been. It's always been about Mel."
"So your world revolves around this woman sitting right here."
"It always has."
"Interesting."
Mel's head had never gone back and forth so quickly in her entire life. She had no idea what had just happened here. What was going on? What was Derek getting at? Was this an exercise? Was he maybe testing them to see what baggage they may be bringing to the relationship?
As if he read her mind, Tay asked, "Why are you hounding me about all this? I don't get the point."
Derek rested his elbows on the desk. "Taylor, I'm concerned about starting a brand new marriage so soon after your divorce from a very long one."
"I don't understand what's to be concerned about. Fate happened to me. Mel came back and Natalie happened to screw me over. I divorced HER. I WANTED out of the marriage. Do you know what it's like to be told, twice, that you're going to be a father, only to find out that your wife is barren and she'd lied the entire time? Do you have any idea what that kind of betrayal feels like?"
"I can't say that I do. I'm just making sure that Mel isn't a rebound..."
Abruptly, Tay uncrossed his legs and sat up in his chair. "I think this session is over."
Surprising herself, Mel reached out and touched his arm calmly. He looked over at her, startled. "I think we should stay," she said quietly.
His eyes widened. "Are you hearing the crap that's coming out of his mouth?"
"Maybe he's saying things that need to be said."
"You're the one who was against this to begin with. Now all of a sudden you're all gung-ho for it?"
"Do you miss her?"
Tay looked taken aback. "What?"
"Do you miss her? Is that why you're getting so upset all of a sudden?"
"NO. I do NOT miss her. I'm irritated because I don't understand why this has to keep coming up. When I divorced her, I was DONE. Washed my hands. Ready to move on with life, to start one with you. WHY do we keep coming back to this?"
"Are you afraid that Mel might do the same to you?" Derek asked calmly.
Mel's eyes shot across the desk and stared hard at Derek. Now it was her turn to be annoyed. "Do what?" Tay said. "No, of course not. I know she's not barren, she miscarried. I was there. I talked to the doctor. She's legit."
Derek smiled, amused at Tay's choice of words. "No, I mean do you think you're afraid she might betray you?"
Silence fell over the room once more and Mel's body tensed up as a reflex. This session had no longer become easy. Tay glanced over at her and shifted in his seat uncomfortably. She looked into his eyes and knew in an instant exactly what he was thinking: Jason.
"I can't believe you," she said in a nearly inaudible whisper.
Tay only looked at her.
"I've never once done anything to give you reason not to trust me," she continued quietly. "Not once. You simply jump to your own conclusions. And don't sit there and act like you don't know it's true."
After a moment more of silence, Derek's voice interrupted their quiet exchange. "The most important aspect of any marriage is communication. It's the glue that holds the relationship together. If you can't communicate with each other, your marriage will essentially fall apart. How do you feel your communication is with each other?"
"I tell him everything," Mel said. "Whether he believes it or not is on him. But there isn't a single thing that goes on in my life that he doesn't know."
"How about you, Taylor? Do you tell Mel everything?"
Tay slouched back in his chair again and sighed. "Yeah, of course I do. Well, I mean, maybe not EVERYTHING. I mean, it's not like I go home and recount my entire day to her or anything."
"Why not?"
"Why not what? Recount my day?"
"Yes."
"She already knows what I do. She works there, too."
"So it's that simple."
"Yes."
"Mel, what did Taylor do at work yesterday?"
Silence.
Mel couldn't answer because she didn't know. She almost wanted to applaud Derek at that moment. Honestly, Mel didn't ask about Tay's day either. She already knew what he did, Tay was right about that.
Then Derek threw down the gauntlet: "Did you ask Taylor how his day at work was?"
Mel's eyes shifted from Derek to Tay, guiltily.
"You didn't. Neither one of you recount your days to each other? I, personally, find that key in your communication. It's a simple subject, some may think it's trivial or unnecessary, but it's one of the easiest ways to successfully communicate with each other. It helps you each feel important to the other one. Tell each other about your day. Listen to each other. Be interested in each other's lives away from the other one."
"Oh, trust me, he's interested," Mel remarked.
"What does that mean?"
"He Googles me when I'm out of town."
Derek looked over at Taylor, his brows raised in amusement. "Is that so?"
Tay rolled his eyes. "I did it a couple of times, so what? And people felt the need to keep showing me pictures anyway, so I just automatically started Googling to keep from being the last person to find out."
"Is it necessary for you to be the first one to know everything that's going on with her?"
"Well, yeah, I like to know where she is and who she's with."
"Why?"
"He always knows where I am and who I'm with," Mel interrupted. "That's the kicker. I always tell him before I even go. Always."
"But you Google her anyway," Derek said to Taylor.
Tay glanced nervously from Mel to Derek. "Well, not lately..."
"What are you afraid of, Taylor?"
"Is this really necessary?"
"It sounds like some things need to get out into the open. What are you afraid of? Are you afraid she might find someone else? Are you afraid that maybe what happened between you in the past will come back and hurt you?"
Mel looked over at Tay and in that instant she wanted to hold him. She felt awful for him. She felt like Derek was treating him like his own, personal punching bag. Why was Tay getting the brunt of all this today?
"Pastor Bradley, don't you think we've had enough of this subject for one day?" Mel said, softly.
"How do you mean?"
Jesus, was this guy a pastor or a psychiatrist? "I mean--well, you're kinda being a little rough on Tay--"
"By asking him questions that are necessary going into your marriage? By asking questions that maybe you need to know the answers to, as well?"
Mel was silent. What could she say? He had a point. But damn.
"I'm not afraid that she's going to betray me," Tay said, suddenly. "I'm afraid of the moment where I finally screw up bad enough to drive her away. For good. It's like I'm always counting it down. When she's out there doing her events or parties, or even out with the girls, I wonder when it's going to click in her mind that I'm not giving her what she needs anymore. That she's going to find someone else who can."
Mel swallowed a lump in her throat. She knew Tay had issues, but she hadn't realized he was THIS tormented. She wanted to fix it right this second, but she had no idea how.
"What do you think she's going to find out there, without you?"
"Better."
"Better?"
"Better."
"That's your answer?"
"Yes."
"You think she's going to find someone better than you."
"There IS someone out there better than me. I just feel like I'm having to play beat the clock till she realizes it."
"Who is this person?"
"Do we really need to get into this?" Mel asked.
"Her best friend," Tay answered.
Derek looked confused.
"Her best friend is a guy," Tay clarified.
Derek then nodded in understanding. "Okay, then. Mel. Do you feel like your best friend is better than Taylor in any way?"
"Absolutely not. Our relationship isn't even close to being on the level of mine and Tay's. We're simply friends. It's completely different. I am in love with Tay. One hundred percent, head over heels, clinically insanely in love with Tay. There IS nobody else for me out there but him. But I can't, for the life of me, make him believe it and I don't know what else to do. I'm at a loss."
Derek then turned to Tay. "Taylor, why is the best friend better than you?"
"He makes her smile."
"And you don't?"
"Well, yeah, when I'm not fucking something up."
"Tay, we're in church!" Mel hissed.
Derek smiled. "It's okay. We're kinda technically not, but I appreciate the thought."
"It's like, all I know how to do is fuck up," Tay continued. "I do all the wrong things and I say all the wrong things--I hurt her more than I make her happy and yet she stays--which makes me feel like the luckiest asshole on the face of the planet. I don't know how to not be an asshole. But that guy--I don't even think he knows how to hurt her. It's unreal. How do I get there? How do I be THAT guy? How do I be the guy that says all the right things and makes her smile?"
"How do you become her best friend?"
"Exactly."
Derek sighed and sat back in his desk chair. Mel wasn't aware she was even crying until he offered her a tissue. "I think we're going to call this one a day," he said, finally. "I normally like to do sessions on a week-by-week basis, but I'd like to see you two in the next few days, if that's okay. In the meantime, there are a few things I want you both to do before you come back to prepare for the next session. I want you both to make a list of pros and cons about each other. Don't be afraid to list the cons. Every couple has things they wish they could tweak about the other. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Also, I'm going to give you a web address for the Five Love Languages. Take the online assessment and bring your results back with you so we can go over them. I encourage you to take it seriously, you'll be surprised by what you can learn about yourselves. And finally, tell each other about your day. Both of you, take the time to stop whatever you're doing and listen when the other one speaks. That simple activity alone will speak volumes. Are we all on the same page?"
Mel nodded, wiping her tears. Tay sat in silence.
"It'll be okay," Derek winked at her. "Go home, spend the evening together. Get some of this worked out. Communicate. Go forth and communicate. I'll see you in a few days."
------------
The ride home was silent, both of them obviously in deep thought. Mel felt horrible for Taylor. She had absolutely no idea that he felt the way he did and she felt like she was one hundred percent completely at fault. She had failed him, miserably. She was a complete failure at making him feel secure and she had no idea how to fix it.
As Tay stepped out of the driver's seat, Mel was already out of the Jeep and making her way around. Stepping in front of him as he made his way to the front door, she silently wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close in a tight hug. "Tay, I am so sorry," she whispered, her eyes tearing up.
To her surprise, she heard him sniff loudly into her ear and she squeezed him tighter. Within a moment, his entire body heaved underneath her and she stroked his hair as he sobbed into her neck. Tay wasn't a crier, so she knew things had to be pretty bad for him to be having an emotional breakdown of this magnitude.
His sobs started her own waterworks and she held him tightly and continued to stroke his hair as he cried. "I love you so much," she whispered in between tears. "I had no idea any of this was going on with you and I have no idea how to make this better. I've failed you and I'm sorry."
At her words, he hugged her tighter and cried harder and he nearly knocked the breath out of her, but she didn't care. She continued to talk. "You ARE my best friend. You're the one I share all my hopes and my dreams with. You're the first person I tell everything to. There is nobody else that I'd rather have by my side than you at any given moment. And I am so sorry that I've done such a shotty job at making you feel important to me. Look at me."
He broke away from her and turned his back, wiping his face. "Tay, look at me," she prompted. "Come here."
Approaching her again, she pulled him close again and looked up at him. "You are a good man and nobody could ever make me as happy as you do. Okay? I love you. Did you know that every time I look at you, my heart still flutters like it did when we were teenagers? It's like looking at you for the very first time. Every day. Did you know that one of my favorite things to do that you don't know about is watch you sleep? On the rare occasion that I'm actually awake when you're sleeping, that is. I watch you sleep and I think about how much I love you and how much I appreciate you and all the hard work that you do, and I daydream about my future with you and I smile. You DO make me smile, Tay. When I'm awake and when I dream, I smile. And it always comes back to you. Okay? And, okay, so maybe you fuck up sometimes. But I do, too. We both know I'm an expert at it. We both fuck up. Everybody fucks up. But we get through it. We deal with it. And then we smile again. And sometimes we even have really good make-up sex. Which can kinda make fucking up worth it, if you think about it."
Tay smiled at her joke through his tears and Mel smiled back at him. Then she continued. "But, Tay, Pastor Bradley's right. We gotta get this communication thing in a better place. I always thought we communicated perfectly, but maybe I was wrong. I want us to be in a place where this doesn't happen again. Where you don't have to feel like this and where I know how to make it better for you. Okay? We gotta do this. I WANT to do this."
He nodded and said quietly, "I do, too. Mel, I thought we were perfect."
"We are. We just have to learn how to be...MORE perfect."
"I guess even couples like us need help sometimes."
"Are you kidding? We needed help when we were born. Both of us. It's part of our charm. The crazy leading the crazy. But we'll do it. Together, you and I will get through this. And THEN we'll take over the world."
Tay laughed and then he kissed her. Resting his forehead against his, he said, "Can we maybe not start our plans for world domination out here on the lawn?"
"How do you suggest we start?"
"Some of the best laid plans start under the influence. I say we go in, raid the beer, and get sloppy drunk and act like idiots. Just you and me. I think we both just NEED that."
"I could get on board with that."
And with that, Mel allowed Tay to lead her inside their house.
MEL
"Well, welcome to my little office," Pastor Derek Bradley said after the initial introductions.
Mel and Taylor sat in the two chairs across his desk and Mel smiled shyly. She was trying to be nice--to be open about this concept. After all, it was her idea to have a religious wedding. Unfortunately, unnecessary premarital counseling was a requirement if she wanted to be married by a religious authority. She planned to say all the right things, pass these things with flying colors, and successfully marry Taylor. She prayed this would fly by.
"And welcome to session one of six on your journey to marriage."
Mel's heart sank. Six sessions? She thought this one would be it.
Pastor Derek Bradley was someone Tay had known for a long, long time. He was a family friend and he had married Zac and Kate and Isaac and Nikki. Tay thought it only made sense that he marry himself and Mel. Since Tay knew him so well, this made Mel hopeful that this would be easy breezy.
"So when's the big day?" Derek asked.
"October 20th," Tay smiled across the desk. "In Texas."
"Texas, huh? Where at?"
"The Corinthian Houston."
"Oh, fantastic location. Well you're obviously excited, then. I can tell."
Tay blushed and Mel's heart melted at how adorably he smiled at the pastor's observation of him.
"How about you, Melody?" Derek asked.
"Um, call me Mel."
Derek smiled. "Okay, Mel. You're excited, as well?"
"Oh, absolutely," she smiled. "I've been trying to talk him into eloping, I'm so excited." Mel liked where this was going. She was feeling it. This would be easy, especially since she meant every word that came out of her mouth.
Derek chuckled. "Well that's great to hear, I'm so glad. So, uh, both of you have been married previously, I understand? Well, I know Taylor has. But you as well, Mel?"
"Um, yes. I'm a widow." Mel lied. Technically. The only people in the world besides the FBI that knew her first husband, John, was alive was her, Tay and his brothers, Drew, and Jason. To the rest of the world, he no longer existed.
"And how is that for you?"
Mel stole a quick glance over at Tay. Was this necessary? She wasn't expecting this. It felt like a therapy session. "Um, it's--I mean, I was given an, um, unbelievable opportunity for closure--Tay was there--albeit it was a few years after his death, but I got closure. I mean, I miss him as a person--we were best friends for seven years. But I'm okay. It's over and it's done. I don't really know what else I'm supposed to say, here."
Derek smiled warmly. "There are no right or wrong answers here. I just like to try to get to know my couples, is all." Then he looked at Tay. "Taylor, how about you? It's been--well, it hasn't been so long since your divorce, correct?"
"It was necessary," he said shortly. Bluntly.
Mel wasn't sure why his abrupt answer startled her like it did. Maybe it was his tone? His lack of support in his response? Tay was a talker, the entire world knew it. So for him to shut it down the way he did meant that Derek had obviously struck a nerve. She wasn't sure how she felt about this.
His answer had obviously made Derek slightly uncomfortable, as well, and he shifted in his desk chair, adjusting his light blue polo shirt in the process. "I understand that it was, but you spent ten years with her and it hasn't been very long. You have to admit that. How do you feel about it now?"
Mel looked over at Tay as Tay looked hard and stone-faced across the desk at Derek. "I thought this was about Mel and me?"
"Taylor, every aspect of who you are--past, present, and future--is involved in your relationship. Whether you realize it, or want it to be, or not."
Tay slouched in his chair a little, resting his right ankle on his left knee. "Fine. We were married, Mel came back into my life, Natalie screwed me, I divorced her, and now I'm marrying the love of my life. It's as it should be. Fate played its cards in my favor. It's pretty much that simple."
"I'm sensing a lot of resentment in your tone."
"Of course there's resentment," Tay's voice rose a little louder in his annoyance. "For ten years that woman lied to me. For ten years I wasted my life when I could have been out, finding HER--" he pointed over to Mel with his thumb. "--and keeping her from being a widow. Her entire life crashed down as a result of a series of events jumpstarted by ME and instead of finding her and making it right--and taking her BACK--I go and waste ten years of my life with a woman who couldn't even be honest with me. So, yeah. Resentment is a mild way of putting it."
"Do you think you're upset at your ex wife or upset with yourself?"
Tay's heel tapped the floor nervously and he studied Derek across the desk. The office was silent for what felt like an eternity. Finally, Tay spoke quietly. "I never thought I'd see her again."
"Who? Mel?"
Tay nodded.
"Are you saying you were in a loveless marriage with your ex?"
"Well, I mean--at the time I didn't think I was, but--well, looking back now, it didn't feel a thing like it feels with Mel. Not even close. I thought about Mel every single day for ten whole years--whether I realized it or not, she was always there. But Natalie was just--benign. She wasn't horrible to be around. I guess I just got comfortable."
"And now?"
"And now what?"
"How do you feel now?"
"I just told you."
"Do you miss Natalie?"
"No."
"You answered rather quickly, would you like to think it over?"
"No. If I had to think about it, I would have. The woman I love is sitting right beside me. I've loved her since I was three. I don't miss Natalie."
"Do you miss any parts of your relationship with her?"
"Why aren't you asking Mel any of this?"
"Because Natalie is alive."
"I mean--she supported me and my career--I mean, that was good of her, but I can't say I MISS it. She isn't Mel. She never has been. It's always been about Mel."
"So your world revolves around this woman sitting right here."
"It always has."
"Interesting."
Mel's head had never gone back and forth so quickly in her entire life. She had no idea what had just happened here. What was going on? What was Derek getting at? Was this an exercise? Was he maybe testing them to see what baggage they may be bringing to the relationship?
As if he read her mind, Tay asked, "Why are you hounding me about all this? I don't get the point."
Derek rested his elbows on the desk. "Taylor, I'm concerned about starting a brand new marriage so soon after your divorce from a very long one."
"I don't understand what's to be concerned about. Fate happened to me. Mel came back and Natalie happened to screw me over. I divorced HER. I WANTED out of the marriage. Do you know what it's like to be told, twice, that you're going to be a father, only to find out that your wife is barren and she'd lied the entire time? Do you have any idea what that kind of betrayal feels like?"
"I can't say that I do. I'm just making sure that Mel isn't a rebound..."
Abruptly, Tay uncrossed his legs and sat up in his chair. "I think this session is over."
Surprising herself, Mel reached out and touched his arm calmly. He looked over at her, startled. "I think we should stay," she said quietly.
His eyes widened. "Are you hearing the crap that's coming out of his mouth?"
"Maybe he's saying things that need to be said."
"You're the one who was against this to begin with. Now all of a sudden you're all gung-ho for it?"
"Do you miss her?"
Tay looked taken aback. "What?"
"Do you miss her? Is that why you're getting so upset all of a sudden?"
"NO. I do NOT miss her. I'm irritated because I don't understand why this has to keep coming up. When I divorced her, I was DONE. Washed my hands. Ready to move on with life, to start one with you. WHY do we keep coming back to this?"
"Are you afraid that Mel might do the same to you?" Derek asked calmly.
Mel's eyes shot across the desk and stared hard at Derek. Now it was her turn to be annoyed. "Do what?" Tay said. "No, of course not. I know she's not barren, she miscarried. I was there. I talked to the doctor. She's legit."
Derek smiled, amused at Tay's choice of words. "No, I mean do you think you're afraid she might betray you?"
Silence fell over the room once more and Mel's body tensed up as a reflex. This session had no longer become easy. Tay glanced over at her and shifted in his seat uncomfortably. She looked into his eyes and knew in an instant exactly what he was thinking: Jason.
"I can't believe you," she said in a nearly inaudible whisper.
Tay only looked at her.
"I've never once done anything to give you reason not to trust me," she continued quietly. "Not once. You simply jump to your own conclusions. And don't sit there and act like you don't know it's true."
After a moment more of silence, Derek's voice interrupted their quiet exchange. "The most important aspect of any marriage is communication. It's the glue that holds the relationship together. If you can't communicate with each other, your marriage will essentially fall apart. How do you feel your communication is with each other?"
"I tell him everything," Mel said. "Whether he believes it or not is on him. But there isn't a single thing that goes on in my life that he doesn't know."
"How about you, Taylor? Do you tell Mel everything?"
Tay slouched back in his chair again and sighed. "Yeah, of course I do. Well, I mean, maybe not EVERYTHING. I mean, it's not like I go home and recount my entire day to her or anything."
"Why not?"
"Why not what? Recount my day?"
"Yes."
"She already knows what I do. She works there, too."
"So it's that simple."
"Yes."
"Mel, what did Taylor do at work yesterday?"
Silence.
Mel couldn't answer because she didn't know. She almost wanted to applaud Derek at that moment. Honestly, Mel didn't ask about Tay's day either. She already knew what he did, Tay was right about that.
Then Derek threw down the gauntlet: "Did you ask Taylor how his day at work was?"
Mel's eyes shifted from Derek to Tay, guiltily.
"You didn't. Neither one of you recount your days to each other? I, personally, find that key in your communication. It's a simple subject, some may think it's trivial or unnecessary, but it's one of the easiest ways to successfully communicate with each other. It helps you each feel important to the other one. Tell each other about your day. Listen to each other. Be interested in each other's lives away from the other one."
"Oh, trust me, he's interested," Mel remarked.
"What does that mean?"
"He Googles me when I'm out of town."
Derek looked over at Taylor, his brows raised in amusement. "Is that so?"
Tay rolled his eyes. "I did it a couple of times, so what? And people felt the need to keep showing me pictures anyway, so I just automatically started Googling to keep from being the last person to find out."
"Is it necessary for you to be the first one to know everything that's going on with her?"
"Well, yeah, I like to know where she is and who she's with."
"Why?"
"He always knows where I am and who I'm with," Mel interrupted. "That's the kicker. I always tell him before I even go. Always."
"But you Google her anyway," Derek said to Taylor.
Tay glanced nervously from Mel to Derek. "Well, not lately..."
"What are you afraid of, Taylor?"
"Is this really necessary?"
"It sounds like some things need to get out into the open. What are you afraid of? Are you afraid she might find someone else? Are you afraid that maybe what happened between you in the past will come back and hurt you?"
Mel looked over at Tay and in that instant she wanted to hold him. She felt awful for him. She felt like Derek was treating him like his own, personal punching bag. Why was Tay getting the brunt of all this today?
"Pastor Bradley, don't you think we've had enough of this subject for one day?" Mel said, softly.
"How do you mean?"
Jesus, was this guy a pastor or a psychiatrist? "I mean--well, you're kinda being a little rough on Tay--"
"By asking him questions that are necessary going into your marriage? By asking questions that maybe you need to know the answers to, as well?"
Mel was silent. What could she say? He had a point. But damn.
"I'm not afraid that she's going to betray me," Tay said, suddenly. "I'm afraid of the moment where I finally screw up bad enough to drive her away. For good. It's like I'm always counting it down. When she's out there doing her events or parties, or even out with the girls, I wonder when it's going to click in her mind that I'm not giving her what she needs anymore. That she's going to find someone else who can."
Mel swallowed a lump in her throat. She knew Tay had issues, but she hadn't realized he was THIS tormented. She wanted to fix it right this second, but she had no idea how.
"What do you think she's going to find out there, without you?"
"Better."
"Better?"
"Better."
"That's your answer?"
"Yes."
"You think she's going to find someone better than you."
"There IS someone out there better than me. I just feel like I'm having to play beat the clock till she realizes it."
"Who is this person?"
"Do we really need to get into this?" Mel asked.
"Her best friend," Tay answered.
Derek looked confused.
"Her best friend is a guy," Tay clarified.
Derek then nodded in understanding. "Okay, then. Mel. Do you feel like your best friend is better than Taylor in any way?"
"Absolutely not. Our relationship isn't even close to being on the level of mine and Tay's. We're simply friends. It's completely different. I am in love with Tay. One hundred percent, head over heels, clinically insanely in love with Tay. There IS nobody else for me out there but him. But I can't, for the life of me, make him believe it and I don't know what else to do. I'm at a loss."
Derek then turned to Tay. "Taylor, why is the best friend better than you?"
"He makes her smile."
"And you don't?"
"Well, yeah, when I'm not fucking something up."
"Tay, we're in church!" Mel hissed.
Derek smiled. "It's okay. We're kinda technically not, but I appreciate the thought."
"It's like, all I know how to do is fuck up," Tay continued. "I do all the wrong things and I say all the wrong things--I hurt her more than I make her happy and yet she stays--which makes me feel like the luckiest asshole on the face of the planet. I don't know how to not be an asshole. But that guy--I don't even think he knows how to hurt her. It's unreal. How do I get there? How do I be THAT guy? How do I be the guy that says all the right things and makes her smile?"
"How do you become her best friend?"
"Exactly."
Derek sighed and sat back in his desk chair. Mel wasn't aware she was even crying until he offered her a tissue. "I think we're going to call this one a day," he said, finally. "I normally like to do sessions on a week-by-week basis, but I'd like to see you two in the next few days, if that's okay. In the meantime, there are a few things I want you both to do before you come back to prepare for the next session. I want you both to make a list of pros and cons about each other. Don't be afraid to list the cons. Every couple has things they wish they could tweak about the other. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Also, I'm going to give you a web address for the Five Love Languages. Take the online assessment and bring your results back with you so we can go over them. I encourage you to take it seriously, you'll be surprised by what you can learn about yourselves. And finally, tell each other about your day. Both of you, take the time to stop whatever you're doing and listen when the other one speaks. That simple activity alone will speak volumes. Are we all on the same page?"
Mel nodded, wiping her tears. Tay sat in silence.
"It'll be okay," Derek winked at her. "Go home, spend the evening together. Get some of this worked out. Communicate. Go forth and communicate. I'll see you in a few days."
------------
The ride home was silent, both of them obviously in deep thought. Mel felt horrible for Taylor. She had absolutely no idea that he felt the way he did and she felt like she was one hundred percent completely at fault. She had failed him, miserably. She was a complete failure at making him feel secure and she had no idea how to fix it.
As Tay stepped out of the driver's seat, Mel was already out of the Jeep and making her way around. Stepping in front of him as he made his way to the front door, she silently wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close in a tight hug. "Tay, I am so sorry," she whispered, her eyes tearing up.
To her surprise, she heard him sniff loudly into her ear and she squeezed him tighter. Within a moment, his entire body heaved underneath her and she stroked his hair as he sobbed into her neck. Tay wasn't a crier, so she knew things had to be pretty bad for him to be having an emotional breakdown of this magnitude.
His sobs started her own waterworks and she held him tightly and continued to stroke his hair as he cried. "I love you so much," she whispered in between tears. "I had no idea any of this was going on with you and I have no idea how to make this better. I've failed you and I'm sorry."
At her words, he hugged her tighter and cried harder and he nearly knocked the breath out of her, but she didn't care. She continued to talk. "You ARE my best friend. You're the one I share all my hopes and my dreams with. You're the first person I tell everything to. There is nobody else that I'd rather have by my side than you at any given moment. And I am so sorry that I've done such a shotty job at making you feel important to me. Look at me."
He broke away from her and turned his back, wiping his face. "Tay, look at me," she prompted. "Come here."
Approaching her again, she pulled him close again and looked up at him. "You are a good man and nobody could ever make me as happy as you do. Okay? I love you. Did you know that every time I look at you, my heart still flutters like it did when we were teenagers? It's like looking at you for the very first time. Every day. Did you know that one of my favorite things to do that you don't know about is watch you sleep? On the rare occasion that I'm actually awake when you're sleeping, that is. I watch you sleep and I think about how much I love you and how much I appreciate you and all the hard work that you do, and I daydream about my future with you and I smile. You DO make me smile, Tay. When I'm awake and when I dream, I smile. And it always comes back to you. Okay? And, okay, so maybe you fuck up sometimes. But I do, too. We both know I'm an expert at it. We both fuck up. Everybody fucks up. But we get through it. We deal with it. And then we smile again. And sometimes we even have really good make-up sex. Which can kinda make fucking up worth it, if you think about it."
Tay smiled at her joke through his tears and Mel smiled back at him. Then she continued. "But, Tay, Pastor Bradley's right. We gotta get this communication thing in a better place. I always thought we communicated perfectly, but maybe I was wrong. I want us to be in a place where this doesn't happen again. Where you don't have to feel like this and where I know how to make it better for you. Okay? We gotta do this. I WANT to do this."
He nodded and said quietly, "I do, too. Mel, I thought we were perfect."
"We are. We just have to learn how to be...MORE perfect."
"I guess even couples like us need help sometimes."
"Are you kidding? We needed help when we were born. Both of us. It's part of our charm. The crazy leading the crazy. But we'll do it. Together, you and I will get through this. And THEN we'll take over the world."
Tay laughed and then he kissed her. Resting his forehead against his, he said, "Can we maybe not start our plans for world domination out here on the lawn?"
"How do you suggest we start?"
"Some of the best laid plans start under the influence. I say we go in, raid the beer, and get sloppy drunk and act like idiots. Just you and me. I think we both just NEED that."
"I could get on board with that."
And with that, Mel allowed Tay to lead her inside their house.