SESSION TWO
MEL
Mel's eyes met Taylor's when she stepped into the terminal in Tulsa and she honestly wasn't expecting him to be there. She wasn't prepared for it and she had no idea how to react. He had no idea what had happened last night or that morning. All he knew was that Jason had a mild heart attack and that he was fine. Nothing more, nothing less. She felt like she'd lived a lifetime in the past day.
"Hey," he said softly, hugging her. "How was your flight?"
"Long," she responded. "Quiet."
"I'm glad you're home."
"Yeah. Me, too."
Her mouth and throat felt like sandpaper and swallowing was impossible. Her stomach was sick and her nerves were shot. What would she say? How would she tell him? How would she deal with the fact that, once she told him, it could be the last time she ever saw him?
She looked at him and she missed him. She missed the simpler times, when they weren't having to deal with their issues. Times when she didn't have to feel guilty about kissing Jason--times where she didn't have to let him go.
Mel couldn't speak and she and Tay rode home quietly. Their car rides were always quiet lately. They didn't talk anymore, each one of them virtually afraid to open their mouth to the other, afraid to start a fight. If they weren't talking, they weren't fighting.
"So, uh, how is he?" Tay asked hesitantly.
"He's fine," she answered as she continued to look out the window.
"You, um, you could have stayed another day if you wanted to. Help him recover."
She glanced over at him and back out the window. "No need."
"Okay."
They rode in silence for a few more minutes before Tay spoke again. "Are you okay?"
"Yep."
Not another word was spoken the rest of the way home.
That night, as she got ready for bed, Mel had to admit shock when she saw Tay enter the bedroom. She sat on the side of the bed and she watched him. She watched him go into the bathroom, she watched him brush his teeth, she watched him change his clothes, and then her eyes followed him as he made his way to his side of the bed. "You're--you're coming to bed?"
"Yeah," he said, turning the covers down. "I sleep here, too."
"Um, okay."
Getting herself into bed, she watched him as she tucked her own legs under the covers. She watched him adjust his pillows, she watched him put on his glasses, and she watched him retrieve the book from his nightstand. Okay, so he was going to sit up in bed and read. But he was in bed. And for that, Mel had to admit, she was pleasantly surprised.
However that still didn't change the way she was feeling. The guilt ate at her like nothing else ever had. The depression over saying goodbye to Jason killed her. She hadn't had much sleep in the past couple of days and she wanted nothing more than to fall asleep and never wake up.
Behind her, the bed shifted and she felt Tay's arm slip around her. She closed her eyes and prayed that he wasn't trying to have sex with her. They hadn't had sex in quite some time and she sure wasn't in the mood for it now. Holding her tightly, he kissed her shoulder and said to her softly, "I don't know what's going with you lately, but I want you to know how much I love you. No matter what, I love you. Always."
The tears came on faster than ever. She sniffed loudly in a desperate attempt to keep them at bay, but it was no use. How could she do this to him? How could she?
Turning her over in the bed, Tay pulled her close to him and stroked her hair as she cried into his chest. He didn't say a word and she didn't remember falling asleep.
---------------
Mel had forgotten about counseling the next morning. Just after 9am, she and Taylor sat across the desk from Pastor Derek Bradley, their "homework" in hand.
"Well, welcome to session two," Pastor Bradley said cheerfully. Today our focus is communication. How has your week been?"
Mel felt herself glaring in resentment at Pastor Bradley and Tay was silent. Looking back and forth of the two of them, Derek took a deep breath. "Okay, then. Let's get started. I believe I gave the two of you a little homework this week. Mel, what did you think of the Five Love Languages?"
She took a deep breath and attempted to get through this as positively as she could. "Um, it was informative. Interesting. I was a little surprised, but not surprised, about my result."
"Care to share your result?"
Mel glanced at Tay and then looked back at Derek. "Um, Quality Time."
Derek nodded. "Quality Time. Interesting. And not surprising. So that means that you feel love based on attention and time spent with loved ones, be it romantic, friendly, or with family. You require attentiveness, understanding, and listening in order to feel loved. It's important to you to spend time with those you care about. You're easily hurt and offended by distractions, postponed activities, or the other person's failure to listen or understand."
"By my work," Tay suddenly spoke up.
"If it gets in the way, yes," Derek said.
Tay rested his elbow on the arm of the chair and massaged the bridge of his nose.
"Taylor," Derek continued. "What was your result?"
Anxiously, he glanced at Mel and then at Derek, then back at Mel. Looking back across at Derek he said, "Well, I didn't really agree with mine..."
"The results came up solely based on the questions you answered."
Tay sighed. "Words of Affirmation."
"Ah. So Mel needs to feel love, while you need to hear it."
"I guess."
"What do you mean?" Mel asked.
"Taylor needs to hear that he's loved. He needs to hear the words 'I love you' and he needs to hear the reasons why. He needs to hear words of kindness and encouragement and he needs to be verbally built up. It's a charming combo, really, if you think about it. If he spends the night holding you and you telling him what you love about him, you're both happy and you're both loved. It works for you."
Tay and Mel glanced at each other and he gave her a small smile. It was the most positive thing they'd heard so far.
"How about our pros and cons lists? Let's start on those?"
And then the room grew uneasy again.
Derek looked expectantly at Mel. "Why don't we start with the cons, shall we? Ladies first?"
"Oh, so you're gonna tear us down, then build us back up," Tay said, accusingly.
"Taylor, I am not trying to be the bad guy here, I assure you."
Mel cleared her throat and pulled her paper out of her purse. "Um, do I just start?"
"Yes. Just go down the list."
She took a deep breath and glanced at Tay before she started. "He doesn't dry the floor after he showers. He leaves coffee mugs all over the house. His clothes are all over the bedroom and he gets mad at me when he can't find something. He runs stop signs and probably has the most speeding tickets in the county." She took a break and glanced at the two men before continuing. "I can't reach him on his phone most of the time. He forgets important dates and appointments. He jumps to conclusions. He only hears what he wants to hear and sees what he wants to see. He's accusatory and he doesn't trust me. He doesn't listen and he hardly pays attention. He works more than he's home. Even when working isn't a necessity." Mel stopped and took in a breath.
"Is that all?" Derek asked.
"I think so, yes."
"Taylor, did you get all that? How do you feel about it?"
Tay shifted in his seat. "Um, it really wasn't anything I don't already know...I guess..."
"So you know the things about you that upsets her."
"She doesn't hide it."
"How about you, Taylor? Let's hear your cons list."
"I don't have a cons list."
Derek raised his eyebrows in surprise. "You--you didn't make the list?"
"I made the list, but I didn't split them up."
"Um, why wouldn't you split them up?"
Tay looked over at Mel for a second and then looked back at Derek. "Because everything on this paper that might fall into a cons category is everything that I love about her."
Derek was speechless. This was obviously an answer he'd never gotten before.
Mel was touched and she bit her lip to keep from crying. Again.
Recovering from his temporary shock, Derek said, "Uh, well then, why don't you read off what others might consider the cons, then."
"Fine. Sometimes she's a little too outspoken--in public. I spend a lot of time calming her down. She holds grudges and gives the silent treatment. She's extra defiant when she drinks. When she gets an idea in her head, she doesn't take anyone else's feelings into account. And, um...Jason."
"Jason, huh? The best friend? He's on your cons list?"
Tay looked over at Mel, witnessing the horror in her eyes. "I, um, I had to. I'm sorry."
"Okay. Now how about we go over our pros lists?"
"No," Mel said suddenly, her voice quiet.
Tay looked at her in surprise and Derek raised his eyebrows. "No?"
"No. Tay isn't finished with his cons list."
Tay looked between the two of them, confused. "Um, yeah, that's pretty much it..."
"No," she argued. "I have something for his cons list."
An eerie silence fell over the office and Tay and Derek both looked at her, expectantly. "Tay, I--I should have told you this alone. Privately. But since we're talking about cons and you said Jason...and I've been going over and over how to tell you and--I kissed Jason. In the hospital. And I am so sorry."
Tay was silent as the tears flowed from her eyes. He stayed silent as Derek offered her a tissue. He remained quiet as she wiped away her tears and continued to sob.
The look on his face told her everything she needed to know. Devastated, she slid her ring off of her finger and offered it to him. "Here. I know where this is going and I won't even fight you. I understand that you never want to see me again. I can't even live with myself right now."
He looked at her hard, into her eyes. Finally he said, "Keep it."
"Tay, I can't--"
"Keep it. Put it back on. You're not getting off that easily."
Mel was shocked. "Wh--what?"
"Mel, I've failed you. Lately, I have. I've put work first, blamed you for things that weren't your fault, neglected you. Stressed you out. I know how I've been, just one thing right after the other. I just--I didn't realize it until all this started coming out in the open and--I get it. Sometimes a person just gets to the point where they've had enough and things happen. You were emotional, you were overwhelmed, Jason was there laid up in the hospital--I get it. I don't like it, but I get it. So, really, you kissing him is my fault. And I'M sorry."
Mel was speechless. She had no idea what to say. What to do, how to feel. She barely managed to creak out, "This is not what I thought was going to happen..."
"I know what you thought was going to happen. I can't and I won't give up on you that easily. That's the cowardly way out. Instead, we're going to work through this and we're going to get through this and we're going to do it together. I promise."
Behind the desk, Derek smiled. "THIS is communication," he said suddenly. "I'm so proud of you two. And you completely did it on your own..."
"Communicating has never been a problem," Tay said curtly. Then he turned back to Mel. "Mel, Jason is on my cons list, not because of your friendship with him. Okay? I'm okay with that, I promise. He's on my list because of the way I feel. Personal issues that I have to deal with. Not because of you."
The look on Mel's face must have read volumes because the blood drained from Tay's face. "What?" he asked.
"I ended it."
Alarm flashed in his eyes. "Ended what?"
"With Jason. I ended our friendship." Her voice began to crack and tears welled back up in her eyes again. "I said goodbye to him yesterday."
"Goodbye. Like, good--"
She nodded. "Yes. Like that. I said goodbye. Because after I kissed him, I knew that--that I had to. I couldn't hurt you anymore, Tay. So I said goodbye to him. He understood. He wasn't mad."
In an instant, Tay left his seat and squatted down in front of Mel, taking her hands in his. "Oh god, Mel, no. No. I never wanted that."
She nodded and took her hand from his to wipe her cheek. "It's for the best."
He shook his head. "No. No, no, no, no, no. I would never ask you to leave your friends behind. Never."
"You didn't. I did it myself. I did it for us. Because I know how much his presence hurts you and I love you and I don't want our relationship to suffer anymore. I had to do what I had to do to fix it. It's okay."
"No. No, sweetheart, it's not okay. It's not okay. My problems with Jason are personal. And it's not even him. I actually like him. I like that he's there for you and I like that you have someone you can turn to. Okay? My problems are my own and I don't ever want you to feel like you have to let go of the people you love because of me. You call him. You get on the phone right now and you call him and you tell him that you were caught up in the moment and that you thought about it and you didn't mean what you said."
She shook her head. "It's too late. It's already been done."
He pulled her out of her seat and stood, hugging her tightly. "I am so sorry," he said into her hair. "I am so, so sorry. It never should have come to this." She heard his voice crack as she sobbed into his shoulder.
After a moment, she broke away and she wiped her face furiously. "Can I--can I read my pros list now?" she asked Derek.
Derek simply nodded, speechless.
Reclaiming her chair, she picked her list back up and cleared her throat and dried herself up as best she could. Tay sat back down slowly as she started. "He has beautiful blue eyes. And a smile that melts my heart. I'm jealous of his hair and I cry when he cuts it. He's kind and he's caring. He's extremely supportive. He tolerates me, takes care of me when I'm at my worst. He's romantic, he's full of surprises. I love the way he smells and I love the way he carries himself. His talent is incredible, he's passionate, and one of my favorite things to do is watch him work. He stands up for what he believes in, he's intelligent, and he makes me laugh. He makes me feel secure and I'm safe when I'm with him. He's amazing in the kitchen AND in the bedroom. I love the way he talks with his hands and how animated his face gets when he talks about an idea. It's adorable how he spaces out sometimes and doesn't quite get a joke. I love when we're in public, in a crowded place, and he whispers things in my ear that only I can hear. I love the simple things like when he takes my hand or when he randomly dances with me when he hears a song that reminds him of me. He's my hero."
"That's, uh, that's quite a list," Derek said when she finally finished. He then looked at Tay. "Taylor? Would you like to read yours?"
Tay shook his head and wiped his face with his sleeve. "No. I'd rather read her mine in private. We can do that, right?"
"Um, I don't see why not..."
"So are we done here?" Tay asked.
"Um, yeah, I think we've had enough for today. But before you leave, I just want to leave you with this little parting thought. When you get married, you make a commitment to your marriage, no matter what. You make a commitment to love, for better or for worse, from that day forward. Also, prioritize your marriage, and even your current relationship. Your relationship comes before anybody or anything else. It comes before your hobbies, your work--even your children when that day comes. Your relationship takes precedence over family, friends, and any other kind of human interaction. You both need to know that you're being put first by the other, no matter what has your greatest attention. As long as you put each other first and communicate healthily, your marriage will be a wonderful one. Anyway, I'm glad we did this several days apart, but I think it's safe to say we can stick to the regular weekly schedule. So we'll meet here again, a week from today, same time, same place."
The three of them stood and Tay shook Derek's hand. "I saw some beautiful things here today," Derek said. "And it will be my honor to marry the two of you."
------------------------------------------------
TAYLOR
On the ride home, the Jeep was silent, once again. This session had certainly ended better than the last one but it didn't keep things from being any less awkward. Well, maybe they were a little less awkward. Definitely more on the positive side. A step in the right direction.
Taylor looked over at Mel and observed her usual position in the passenger seat. Legs crossed, arms crossed, watching life go by out the window. There was never a moment, never a mood, never a situation where she wasn't beautiful.
He took a deep breath. "So, um, you kissed Jason..."
"It was an accident," she said dryly. "I went to hug him and it happened. It literally just happened. I don't expect you to believe it, though."
"Mel," he said softly, reaching over and taking her hand. "You have to stop getting so defensive with me. You have to stop assuming how a conversation is going to go before we even start talking about it. It's me you're talking to, remember? At least wait until I've opened my mouth to resent me."
Finally, she turned her head and looked over at him. There was so much pain in her eyes that he guessed she didn't even realize it showed. His heart broke for her. "I can't believe you ended your friendship," he said.
"Well. I did. We really don't need to dwell on it."
"Well, I mean--the sentiment is beyond--I mean, I understand why you did it and I'm completely touched at your reasons behind it, but--you're not happy. It doesn't make you happy."
"Our relationship makes me happy. That's more important."
"Yeah, but to that extent?"
"Like I said, I did what I had to do. You can't sit there and pretend like you're not the least bit relieved."
He thought about this statement for a moment. He had relished in the day that he would finally see Jason out of the picture for good. But now that he finally was--Tay didn't like how that felt. "No," he found himself saying. "I'm actually not. I'm not relieved by it. It hurts me that you felt like you had to hurt yourself to save us. Because of some pigheaded emotions I was having. It's not fair."
"Well, what's done is done."
-----------------
They arrived home minutes later and Tay unlocked the front door and let Mel in. As she passed him, he took her hand and closed the door behind him. She looked up at him in silent surprise and he didn't say a word to her. Quietly, he led her up the stairs and into their bedroom, closing the door behind him. He stopped in the middle of the room, stood in front of her and took his shirt off.
Taking a deep breath, he looked into her eyes. "Hit me."
Mel took a step backward and looked at him in shock. "Do what?"
"Hit me. Do whatever you want."
She continued to look at him, aghast. "Tay," she whispered. "Do you know what I could do to you?"
He nodded. "Yes. Just do it."
"This is crazy..."
"Just hit me. Let it out. Do whatever you want, I don't care. Just do it. Put yourself out of your misery. Put it all on me."
Mel continued to stare at him with fear in her eyes. However, seconds later, her hand came across his face hard. Loud. He felt the sting on his cheek and he squeezed his eyes shut as the rest of his body refused to flinch.
He opened is eyes and waited on the second blow. Instead, she wreaked havoc on the entire bedroom. She went completely insane and he allowed it to happen. She broke everything that could possibly be broken in the room, short of the windows. The mirrors, the lamps, the clocks, the pictures on the walls, even the television came down. All of it. Every single bit of it, the entire room destroyed.
As she came back for him, he cringed in preparation, but she surprised him when she only violently pushed him into a seated position on the corner of the bed. He looked up at her and swallowed hard. He had said do whatever she wanted, but maybe giving her that kind of power was going a little far. She had always threatened what she was capable of and, now, after looking around the room, perhaps testing her hadn't been the smartest of ideas.
She, then, straddled his lap and took his face in her hands and kissed him hard. He felt himself completely melting underneath her and completely giving in to her. He hadn't expected this but he was instantly turned on. She kissed him hard and aggressively, pulling and squeezing and clawing at his bare neck and shoulders.
She allowed him to pull her shirt over her head and she took it upon herself to unfasten her own bra. He straightened up his posture and wrapped an arm around her waist, the other one holding her face before it ran down her jaw, to her neck, and down to her breast as he gently took it in his hand. As he teased her hardened nipple between his fingers, her head fell back in pleasure and he couldn't resist having his lips all over her neck. Not leaving an inch of it untouched, she breathed and moaned in pleasure, biting down on her bottom lip. After a moment, her head came back up and she looked down at him, her hands on his face again, her hair nearly hiding her eyes. "Tay," she whispered aggressively. "Love me."
Without hesitation, he wrapped both his arms tightly around her, lifted her off of him, and turned around and laid her across the bed. Removing his own pants, he then removed hers and gently spread her legs apart and lowered his head to meet her with his tongue. At the first touch, her back arched and she gripped the linens with her fists. "Oh my god," she said, she sound escaping from her throat. As his tongue kept a steady motion, she continued to arch her back and writhe underneath him. Her hand gripped a fistful of his hair and she cried out for him as she came closer. Suddenly, she said, "Stop. Stop, stop, stop, I don't wanna come yet."
As she sat up, Tay allowed her to take the reins. Putting him back in his seated position, Mel straddled him and lowered herself on him, her head falling onto his shoulder as one arm hooked around his neck and the other hand gripped his arm. As she picked up her rhythm, she rode him harder and harder still, so hard that he knew he was bottoming out in her and he knew it hurt her but it was apparent that she didn't care. He bit his lip and he groaned at how good she felt on him. The harder she rode him, the tighter her fists balled up, and the more hits he took to his shoulders and his chest. He knew he would be marked up and bruised later on, but he would gladly take it if this, in any way, relieved any stress in her whatsoever. But for now, she swung her dark hair over to the side and let her eyes bore seductively into his and he was done for. Completely at her mercy and ready to bend at her will, her wish was his command with that single look in her eyes.
When she came, she was unrelenting and she held herself firmly in place as he came inside her, barely giving him any time to recover before her mouth took his. When she broke their kiss, she looked into his eyes as she caught her breath. "How do you feel?" he whispered.
"Fantastic," she whispered back.
He smiled as he began to feel the stings on his body while the adrenaline died down in him. "But I'm really not in the mood to clean any of this up," she continued.
He swept the stray strands of hair from her face. "No," he whispered. "What you need is sleep. You go downstairs, no laptops, no cell phones, no anything, and you lay down and you relax. Don't worry about what's going on up here."
Looking down at him, she shook her head. "No. You come with me."
He searched her eyes for a moment before he agreed. "Okay. I'll come with you."
As she cleaned up and headed downstairs, he promised he would be right behind her. When he knew she was safely down, he rushed into the bathroom and locked himself in. Quickly, he texted Jason. "I just want you to know that whatever she said to you, I had absolutely nothing to do with it."
Moments later, a reply. "I know. It's cool."
"I don't agree with her decision."
"It doesn't matter. It's her decision. I'm going to respect it."
"She needs you."
"I know. But she needs you more. And that's why I'm respecting her wishes."
"You're a good man, Jason."
"I know. And if I didn't think you were, you'd be dead."
"Well thanks for keeping me alive."
"It's all for her."
"I know."
"So stop texting me and go be with her."
"Don't disappear on her. Don't count her out just yet."
"I would never."
"You know where we are. Anytime."
"I know. Bye."
And that was it. Tay had never, in his entire existence, felt like more of a bastard. He wanted to fix it, but he was afraid that this was the one thing he couldn't. She had done what she'd done, Jason was going to respect her, and every single bit of it was Tay's fault.
He had just begun to feel down on himself when he remembered that she was downstairs waiting for him. 'Quality Time,' he reminded himself. That was her love language. Spending time with her would show her he loved her and right now he was willing to do anything and everything. After cleaning up and changing clothes, he took one more look at the disastrous bedroom and shook his head.
"It can wait," he said to himself, quietly. "It can wait."
MEL
Mel's eyes met Taylor's when she stepped into the terminal in Tulsa and she honestly wasn't expecting him to be there. She wasn't prepared for it and she had no idea how to react. He had no idea what had happened last night or that morning. All he knew was that Jason had a mild heart attack and that he was fine. Nothing more, nothing less. She felt like she'd lived a lifetime in the past day.
"Hey," he said softly, hugging her. "How was your flight?"
"Long," she responded. "Quiet."
"I'm glad you're home."
"Yeah. Me, too."
Her mouth and throat felt like sandpaper and swallowing was impossible. Her stomach was sick and her nerves were shot. What would she say? How would she tell him? How would she deal with the fact that, once she told him, it could be the last time she ever saw him?
She looked at him and she missed him. She missed the simpler times, when they weren't having to deal with their issues. Times when she didn't have to feel guilty about kissing Jason--times where she didn't have to let him go.
Mel couldn't speak and she and Tay rode home quietly. Their car rides were always quiet lately. They didn't talk anymore, each one of them virtually afraid to open their mouth to the other, afraid to start a fight. If they weren't talking, they weren't fighting.
"So, uh, how is he?" Tay asked hesitantly.
"He's fine," she answered as she continued to look out the window.
"You, um, you could have stayed another day if you wanted to. Help him recover."
She glanced over at him and back out the window. "No need."
"Okay."
They rode in silence for a few more minutes before Tay spoke again. "Are you okay?"
"Yep."
Not another word was spoken the rest of the way home.
That night, as she got ready for bed, Mel had to admit shock when she saw Tay enter the bedroom. She sat on the side of the bed and she watched him. She watched him go into the bathroom, she watched him brush his teeth, she watched him change his clothes, and then her eyes followed him as he made his way to his side of the bed. "You're--you're coming to bed?"
"Yeah," he said, turning the covers down. "I sleep here, too."
"Um, okay."
Getting herself into bed, she watched him as she tucked her own legs under the covers. She watched him adjust his pillows, she watched him put on his glasses, and she watched him retrieve the book from his nightstand. Okay, so he was going to sit up in bed and read. But he was in bed. And for that, Mel had to admit, she was pleasantly surprised.
However that still didn't change the way she was feeling. The guilt ate at her like nothing else ever had. The depression over saying goodbye to Jason killed her. She hadn't had much sleep in the past couple of days and she wanted nothing more than to fall asleep and never wake up.
Behind her, the bed shifted and she felt Tay's arm slip around her. She closed her eyes and prayed that he wasn't trying to have sex with her. They hadn't had sex in quite some time and she sure wasn't in the mood for it now. Holding her tightly, he kissed her shoulder and said to her softly, "I don't know what's going with you lately, but I want you to know how much I love you. No matter what, I love you. Always."
The tears came on faster than ever. She sniffed loudly in a desperate attempt to keep them at bay, but it was no use. How could she do this to him? How could she?
Turning her over in the bed, Tay pulled her close to him and stroked her hair as she cried into his chest. He didn't say a word and she didn't remember falling asleep.
---------------
Mel had forgotten about counseling the next morning. Just after 9am, she and Taylor sat across the desk from Pastor Derek Bradley, their "homework" in hand.
"Well, welcome to session two," Pastor Bradley said cheerfully. Today our focus is communication. How has your week been?"
Mel felt herself glaring in resentment at Pastor Bradley and Tay was silent. Looking back and forth of the two of them, Derek took a deep breath. "Okay, then. Let's get started. I believe I gave the two of you a little homework this week. Mel, what did you think of the Five Love Languages?"
She took a deep breath and attempted to get through this as positively as she could. "Um, it was informative. Interesting. I was a little surprised, but not surprised, about my result."
"Care to share your result?"
Mel glanced at Tay and then looked back at Derek. "Um, Quality Time."
Derek nodded. "Quality Time. Interesting. And not surprising. So that means that you feel love based on attention and time spent with loved ones, be it romantic, friendly, or with family. You require attentiveness, understanding, and listening in order to feel loved. It's important to you to spend time with those you care about. You're easily hurt and offended by distractions, postponed activities, or the other person's failure to listen or understand."
"By my work," Tay suddenly spoke up.
"If it gets in the way, yes," Derek said.
Tay rested his elbow on the arm of the chair and massaged the bridge of his nose.
"Taylor," Derek continued. "What was your result?"
Anxiously, he glanced at Mel and then at Derek, then back at Mel. Looking back across at Derek he said, "Well, I didn't really agree with mine..."
"The results came up solely based on the questions you answered."
Tay sighed. "Words of Affirmation."
"Ah. So Mel needs to feel love, while you need to hear it."
"I guess."
"What do you mean?" Mel asked.
"Taylor needs to hear that he's loved. He needs to hear the words 'I love you' and he needs to hear the reasons why. He needs to hear words of kindness and encouragement and he needs to be verbally built up. It's a charming combo, really, if you think about it. If he spends the night holding you and you telling him what you love about him, you're both happy and you're both loved. It works for you."
Tay and Mel glanced at each other and he gave her a small smile. It was the most positive thing they'd heard so far.
"How about our pros and cons lists? Let's start on those?"
And then the room grew uneasy again.
Derek looked expectantly at Mel. "Why don't we start with the cons, shall we? Ladies first?"
"Oh, so you're gonna tear us down, then build us back up," Tay said, accusingly.
"Taylor, I am not trying to be the bad guy here, I assure you."
Mel cleared her throat and pulled her paper out of her purse. "Um, do I just start?"
"Yes. Just go down the list."
She took a deep breath and glanced at Tay before she started. "He doesn't dry the floor after he showers. He leaves coffee mugs all over the house. His clothes are all over the bedroom and he gets mad at me when he can't find something. He runs stop signs and probably has the most speeding tickets in the county." She took a break and glanced at the two men before continuing. "I can't reach him on his phone most of the time. He forgets important dates and appointments. He jumps to conclusions. He only hears what he wants to hear and sees what he wants to see. He's accusatory and he doesn't trust me. He doesn't listen and he hardly pays attention. He works more than he's home. Even when working isn't a necessity." Mel stopped and took in a breath.
"Is that all?" Derek asked.
"I think so, yes."
"Taylor, did you get all that? How do you feel about it?"
Tay shifted in his seat. "Um, it really wasn't anything I don't already know...I guess..."
"So you know the things about you that upsets her."
"She doesn't hide it."
"How about you, Taylor? Let's hear your cons list."
"I don't have a cons list."
Derek raised his eyebrows in surprise. "You--you didn't make the list?"
"I made the list, but I didn't split them up."
"Um, why wouldn't you split them up?"
Tay looked over at Mel for a second and then looked back at Derek. "Because everything on this paper that might fall into a cons category is everything that I love about her."
Derek was speechless. This was obviously an answer he'd never gotten before.
Mel was touched and she bit her lip to keep from crying. Again.
Recovering from his temporary shock, Derek said, "Uh, well then, why don't you read off what others might consider the cons, then."
"Fine. Sometimes she's a little too outspoken--in public. I spend a lot of time calming her down. She holds grudges and gives the silent treatment. She's extra defiant when she drinks. When she gets an idea in her head, she doesn't take anyone else's feelings into account. And, um...Jason."
"Jason, huh? The best friend? He's on your cons list?"
Tay looked over at Mel, witnessing the horror in her eyes. "I, um, I had to. I'm sorry."
"Okay. Now how about we go over our pros lists?"
"No," Mel said suddenly, her voice quiet.
Tay looked at her in surprise and Derek raised his eyebrows. "No?"
"No. Tay isn't finished with his cons list."
Tay looked between the two of them, confused. "Um, yeah, that's pretty much it..."
"No," she argued. "I have something for his cons list."
An eerie silence fell over the office and Tay and Derek both looked at her, expectantly. "Tay, I--I should have told you this alone. Privately. But since we're talking about cons and you said Jason...and I've been going over and over how to tell you and--I kissed Jason. In the hospital. And I am so sorry."
Tay was silent as the tears flowed from her eyes. He stayed silent as Derek offered her a tissue. He remained quiet as she wiped away her tears and continued to sob.
The look on his face told her everything she needed to know. Devastated, she slid her ring off of her finger and offered it to him. "Here. I know where this is going and I won't even fight you. I understand that you never want to see me again. I can't even live with myself right now."
He looked at her hard, into her eyes. Finally he said, "Keep it."
"Tay, I can't--"
"Keep it. Put it back on. You're not getting off that easily."
Mel was shocked. "Wh--what?"
"Mel, I've failed you. Lately, I have. I've put work first, blamed you for things that weren't your fault, neglected you. Stressed you out. I know how I've been, just one thing right after the other. I just--I didn't realize it until all this started coming out in the open and--I get it. Sometimes a person just gets to the point where they've had enough and things happen. You were emotional, you were overwhelmed, Jason was there laid up in the hospital--I get it. I don't like it, but I get it. So, really, you kissing him is my fault. And I'M sorry."
Mel was speechless. She had no idea what to say. What to do, how to feel. She barely managed to creak out, "This is not what I thought was going to happen..."
"I know what you thought was going to happen. I can't and I won't give up on you that easily. That's the cowardly way out. Instead, we're going to work through this and we're going to get through this and we're going to do it together. I promise."
Behind the desk, Derek smiled. "THIS is communication," he said suddenly. "I'm so proud of you two. And you completely did it on your own..."
"Communicating has never been a problem," Tay said curtly. Then he turned back to Mel. "Mel, Jason is on my cons list, not because of your friendship with him. Okay? I'm okay with that, I promise. He's on my list because of the way I feel. Personal issues that I have to deal with. Not because of you."
The look on Mel's face must have read volumes because the blood drained from Tay's face. "What?" he asked.
"I ended it."
Alarm flashed in his eyes. "Ended what?"
"With Jason. I ended our friendship." Her voice began to crack and tears welled back up in her eyes again. "I said goodbye to him yesterday."
"Goodbye. Like, good--"
She nodded. "Yes. Like that. I said goodbye. Because after I kissed him, I knew that--that I had to. I couldn't hurt you anymore, Tay. So I said goodbye to him. He understood. He wasn't mad."
In an instant, Tay left his seat and squatted down in front of Mel, taking her hands in his. "Oh god, Mel, no. No. I never wanted that."
She nodded and took her hand from his to wipe her cheek. "It's for the best."
He shook his head. "No. No, no, no, no, no. I would never ask you to leave your friends behind. Never."
"You didn't. I did it myself. I did it for us. Because I know how much his presence hurts you and I love you and I don't want our relationship to suffer anymore. I had to do what I had to do to fix it. It's okay."
"No. No, sweetheart, it's not okay. It's not okay. My problems with Jason are personal. And it's not even him. I actually like him. I like that he's there for you and I like that you have someone you can turn to. Okay? My problems are my own and I don't ever want you to feel like you have to let go of the people you love because of me. You call him. You get on the phone right now and you call him and you tell him that you were caught up in the moment and that you thought about it and you didn't mean what you said."
She shook her head. "It's too late. It's already been done."
He pulled her out of her seat and stood, hugging her tightly. "I am so sorry," he said into her hair. "I am so, so sorry. It never should have come to this." She heard his voice crack as she sobbed into his shoulder.
After a moment, she broke away and she wiped her face furiously. "Can I--can I read my pros list now?" she asked Derek.
Derek simply nodded, speechless.
Reclaiming her chair, she picked her list back up and cleared her throat and dried herself up as best she could. Tay sat back down slowly as she started. "He has beautiful blue eyes. And a smile that melts my heart. I'm jealous of his hair and I cry when he cuts it. He's kind and he's caring. He's extremely supportive. He tolerates me, takes care of me when I'm at my worst. He's romantic, he's full of surprises. I love the way he smells and I love the way he carries himself. His talent is incredible, he's passionate, and one of my favorite things to do is watch him work. He stands up for what he believes in, he's intelligent, and he makes me laugh. He makes me feel secure and I'm safe when I'm with him. He's amazing in the kitchen AND in the bedroom. I love the way he talks with his hands and how animated his face gets when he talks about an idea. It's adorable how he spaces out sometimes and doesn't quite get a joke. I love when we're in public, in a crowded place, and he whispers things in my ear that only I can hear. I love the simple things like when he takes my hand or when he randomly dances with me when he hears a song that reminds him of me. He's my hero."
"That's, uh, that's quite a list," Derek said when she finally finished. He then looked at Tay. "Taylor? Would you like to read yours?"
Tay shook his head and wiped his face with his sleeve. "No. I'd rather read her mine in private. We can do that, right?"
"Um, I don't see why not..."
"So are we done here?" Tay asked.
"Um, yeah, I think we've had enough for today. But before you leave, I just want to leave you with this little parting thought. When you get married, you make a commitment to your marriage, no matter what. You make a commitment to love, for better or for worse, from that day forward. Also, prioritize your marriage, and even your current relationship. Your relationship comes before anybody or anything else. It comes before your hobbies, your work--even your children when that day comes. Your relationship takes precedence over family, friends, and any other kind of human interaction. You both need to know that you're being put first by the other, no matter what has your greatest attention. As long as you put each other first and communicate healthily, your marriage will be a wonderful one. Anyway, I'm glad we did this several days apart, but I think it's safe to say we can stick to the regular weekly schedule. So we'll meet here again, a week from today, same time, same place."
The three of them stood and Tay shook Derek's hand. "I saw some beautiful things here today," Derek said. "And it will be my honor to marry the two of you."
------------------------------------------------
TAYLOR
On the ride home, the Jeep was silent, once again. This session had certainly ended better than the last one but it didn't keep things from being any less awkward. Well, maybe they were a little less awkward. Definitely more on the positive side. A step in the right direction.
Taylor looked over at Mel and observed her usual position in the passenger seat. Legs crossed, arms crossed, watching life go by out the window. There was never a moment, never a mood, never a situation where she wasn't beautiful.
He took a deep breath. "So, um, you kissed Jason..."
"It was an accident," she said dryly. "I went to hug him and it happened. It literally just happened. I don't expect you to believe it, though."
"Mel," he said softly, reaching over and taking her hand. "You have to stop getting so defensive with me. You have to stop assuming how a conversation is going to go before we even start talking about it. It's me you're talking to, remember? At least wait until I've opened my mouth to resent me."
Finally, she turned her head and looked over at him. There was so much pain in her eyes that he guessed she didn't even realize it showed. His heart broke for her. "I can't believe you ended your friendship," he said.
"Well. I did. We really don't need to dwell on it."
"Well, I mean--the sentiment is beyond--I mean, I understand why you did it and I'm completely touched at your reasons behind it, but--you're not happy. It doesn't make you happy."
"Our relationship makes me happy. That's more important."
"Yeah, but to that extent?"
"Like I said, I did what I had to do. You can't sit there and pretend like you're not the least bit relieved."
He thought about this statement for a moment. He had relished in the day that he would finally see Jason out of the picture for good. But now that he finally was--Tay didn't like how that felt. "No," he found himself saying. "I'm actually not. I'm not relieved by it. It hurts me that you felt like you had to hurt yourself to save us. Because of some pigheaded emotions I was having. It's not fair."
"Well, what's done is done."
-----------------
They arrived home minutes later and Tay unlocked the front door and let Mel in. As she passed him, he took her hand and closed the door behind him. She looked up at him in silent surprise and he didn't say a word to her. Quietly, he led her up the stairs and into their bedroom, closing the door behind him. He stopped in the middle of the room, stood in front of her and took his shirt off.
Taking a deep breath, he looked into her eyes. "Hit me."
Mel took a step backward and looked at him in shock. "Do what?"
"Hit me. Do whatever you want."
She continued to look at him, aghast. "Tay," she whispered. "Do you know what I could do to you?"
He nodded. "Yes. Just do it."
"This is crazy..."
"Just hit me. Let it out. Do whatever you want, I don't care. Just do it. Put yourself out of your misery. Put it all on me."
Mel continued to stare at him with fear in her eyes. However, seconds later, her hand came across his face hard. Loud. He felt the sting on his cheek and he squeezed his eyes shut as the rest of his body refused to flinch.
He opened is eyes and waited on the second blow. Instead, she wreaked havoc on the entire bedroom. She went completely insane and he allowed it to happen. She broke everything that could possibly be broken in the room, short of the windows. The mirrors, the lamps, the clocks, the pictures on the walls, even the television came down. All of it. Every single bit of it, the entire room destroyed.
As she came back for him, he cringed in preparation, but she surprised him when she only violently pushed him into a seated position on the corner of the bed. He looked up at her and swallowed hard. He had said do whatever she wanted, but maybe giving her that kind of power was going a little far. She had always threatened what she was capable of and, now, after looking around the room, perhaps testing her hadn't been the smartest of ideas.
She, then, straddled his lap and took his face in her hands and kissed him hard. He felt himself completely melting underneath her and completely giving in to her. He hadn't expected this but he was instantly turned on. She kissed him hard and aggressively, pulling and squeezing and clawing at his bare neck and shoulders.
She allowed him to pull her shirt over her head and she took it upon herself to unfasten her own bra. He straightened up his posture and wrapped an arm around her waist, the other one holding her face before it ran down her jaw, to her neck, and down to her breast as he gently took it in his hand. As he teased her hardened nipple between his fingers, her head fell back in pleasure and he couldn't resist having his lips all over her neck. Not leaving an inch of it untouched, she breathed and moaned in pleasure, biting down on her bottom lip. After a moment, her head came back up and she looked down at him, her hands on his face again, her hair nearly hiding her eyes. "Tay," she whispered aggressively. "Love me."
Without hesitation, he wrapped both his arms tightly around her, lifted her off of him, and turned around and laid her across the bed. Removing his own pants, he then removed hers and gently spread her legs apart and lowered his head to meet her with his tongue. At the first touch, her back arched and she gripped the linens with her fists. "Oh my god," she said, she sound escaping from her throat. As his tongue kept a steady motion, she continued to arch her back and writhe underneath him. Her hand gripped a fistful of his hair and she cried out for him as she came closer. Suddenly, she said, "Stop. Stop, stop, stop, I don't wanna come yet."
As she sat up, Tay allowed her to take the reins. Putting him back in his seated position, Mel straddled him and lowered herself on him, her head falling onto his shoulder as one arm hooked around his neck and the other hand gripped his arm. As she picked up her rhythm, she rode him harder and harder still, so hard that he knew he was bottoming out in her and he knew it hurt her but it was apparent that she didn't care. He bit his lip and he groaned at how good she felt on him. The harder she rode him, the tighter her fists balled up, and the more hits he took to his shoulders and his chest. He knew he would be marked up and bruised later on, but he would gladly take it if this, in any way, relieved any stress in her whatsoever. But for now, she swung her dark hair over to the side and let her eyes bore seductively into his and he was done for. Completely at her mercy and ready to bend at her will, her wish was his command with that single look in her eyes.
When she came, she was unrelenting and she held herself firmly in place as he came inside her, barely giving him any time to recover before her mouth took his. When she broke their kiss, she looked into his eyes as she caught her breath. "How do you feel?" he whispered.
"Fantastic," she whispered back.
He smiled as he began to feel the stings on his body while the adrenaline died down in him. "But I'm really not in the mood to clean any of this up," she continued.
He swept the stray strands of hair from her face. "No," he whispered. "What you need is sleep. You go downstairs, no laptops, no cell phones, no anything, and you lay down and you relax. Don't worry about what's going on up here."
Looking down at him, she shook her head. "No. You come with me."
He searched her eyes for a moment before he agreed. "Okay. I'll come with you."
As she cleaned up and headed downstairs, he promised he would be right behind her. When he knew she was safely down, he rushed into the bathroom and locked himself in. Quickly, he texted Jason. "I just want you to know that whatever she said to you, I had absolutely nothing to do with it."
Moments later, a reply. "I know. It's cool."
"I don't agree with her decision."
"It doesn't matter. It's her decision. I'm going to respect it."
"She needs you."
"I know. But she needs you more. And that's why I'm respecting her wishes."
"You're a good man, Jason."
"I know. And if I didn't think you were, you'd be dead."
"Well thanks for keeping me alive."
"It's all for her."
"I know."
"So stop texting me and go be with her."
"Don't disappear on her. Don't count her out just yet."
"I would never."
"You know where we are. Anytime."
"I know. Bye."
And that was it. Tay had never, in his entire existence, felt like more of a bastard. He wanted to fix it, but he was afraid that this was the one thing he couldn't. She had done what she'd done, Jason was going to respect her, and every single bit of it was Tay's fault.
He had just begun to feel down on himself when he remembered that she was downstairs waiting for him. 'Quality Time,' he reminded himself. That was her love language. Spending time with her would show her he loved her and right now he was willing to do anything and everything. After cleaning up and changing clothes, he took one more look at the disastrous bedroom and shook his head.
"It can wait," he said to himself, quietly. "It can wait."